


Disgraced Angel

by BlairDrakko



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mech Preg, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Politics, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prisoners, Rape/Non-con Elements, Slow To Update, Sticky Sexual Interfacing, Suicide, Torture, Transformers (AU), Twisted therapy, hidden agendas, shadowplay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2019-11-12 00:39:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 65,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18000494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlairDrakko/pseuds/BlairDrakko
Summary: Cybertron is in the midst of being restored, the Autobots have won, and Megatron is imprisoned awaiting execution that is, until Optimus intervenes and halts the termination of the warlord.The New Council of Cybertron is concerned over the influence Megatron might hold over the Prime, sending Optimus for a psychological evaluation and other tests to decide if the mech's recent decision is because the Prime may be compromised by his past identity Orion Pax.Ratchet sees the New Council's taint, and jealousy of his love, and will fight to protect the ever honorable Optimus, but when Megatron's treatment in prison is revealed to Optimus, he makes a mistake he can never rectify and suddenly the world he saved, the citizens he saved, all turn upon him...All but his mate Ratchet and perhaps... Megatron.





	1. Simplicity and Fears

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! New story, I will start with a warning. This may start off cute and fluffy but I know me, and shit gets heavy often with me... sometimes. I am kinda winging this, but that is where my best stuff comes from. Can't promise it will always be light, but it will pull at heart strings. :) Tags shall change as story goes on. Ummm, enjoy, and sorry for errors!

Optimus sat stiffly in the chair that he was instructed to, his frame straight, and optics set on the mech before him as he tried to appear calm.

“You look stressed, Optimus Prime.” The other mech said, and the Prime cursed himself inwardly at his failure to fool the mech.

“I am not used to being in such a situation. I apologize for my discomfort.” He said simply, his optics now roaming around him as he tried to ease his spark. **_You can do this, so many have already. You have been at war for eons, why does a therapist scare you?_**

“Well, I wish to make this as easy, and comfortable for you as possible, Optimus. Do you mind if I call you Optimus?” The processor medic asked.

“I prefer it actually.” Optimus answered, his optics still roaming over the newly rebuilt office. Cybertron had been within its reformation for a few vorns now, the torn planet becoming whole bit by bit as time passed. This office, and profession was one highly needed after so many had suffered through the war, and had been one of the first to be established on New Cybertron.

Many had sought help, peace, reassurance through the professionals here, many except for Optimus Prime. It wasn’t until he was forced to come, after a certain incident, by the New Council that voted for his immediate, and forced visits. So it was that Cybertron’s Prime found himself sitting in this office staring aimlessly around him as he panicked inside.

“May I ask why that is?” The therapist asked kindly, his soft voice only unnerving the Prime more so.

“I, I enjoy being seen as a mech, not so much a Prime.” Optimus said unsteadily focusing on the window that was placed on the far right wall. He watched as many of the returning seekers flew over the growing city of Iacon each flying gracefully through the skies of their home world, some for the first time in…

“So, you do not enjoy being a Prime?” The mech asked and Optimus felt his spark clench.

“Not at all.” He said quickly, his blazing optics looking directly into the other mech’s. “I am merely saying that I am more than just a Prime.”

The other mech nodded, humming as he typed some information on the datapad he held and Optimus vented worriedly as he tried to peek at what the mech was writing.

“Do you believe that had something to do with what happened recently, Optimus? Do you believe that has something to do with why you did what you did?” The little blue mech asked, and Optimus sighed as he turned back to look out the window in the office.

“No. No what I did was what I felt was right. I saved Megatron because I believe every mech has the capacity to change, and no one… No one on the New Council was there during our battles on Earth to see the changes that I did in the mech. I hold _no_ regrets in my actions, or choice.” No longer did the Prime’s voice sound uncertain, or nervous, only strength and determination, _righteousness_ led him.

He made sure what he said was clear to the mech before him, just as he had attempted to with the council that scrutinized his choice to halt Megatron’s execution, just as he had with many of his own Autobots that disapproved of his actions.

“You believe what you did was right, Optimus?” The therapist asked, his blue optics shinning over the pad he held as he peered intensely at the mech, the _Prime_ before him.

“Yes, yes I do.” Optimus answered back, his faceplates set, stoic, and honest. He would not go back on his choice, no matter what the others thought. They had not been there through the end of the war, they had not seen how worn, how tired the warlord had become. How much he regretted, how much he felt guilty for…

They hadn’t partaken in the hard, and sometimes awful conversations he and Megatron had had together at the end. No one had, and now he was fighting for a mech that had destroyed their world with nothing but his own experiences with the mech to go on and… Unsurprisingly, no one believed his hesitancy in murdering the mech, but could he really blame them?

“You, or you counterpart Orion Pax, he was involved romantically with Megatron, yes?” The mech asked, his oddly monotone and emotionless voice filling the room.

Optimus almost growled at the mech. **_Why, why must it always come back to Orion?_**

“Long ago yes, but I do not remember any part of that time in my existence, nor have I ever done so.” Optimus said sternly, his optics narrowing.

The mech in front of him scanned over his faceplates and rigid frame carefully before humming and typing some more words on to his pad. “You may not recall but during your time on Earth it has been reported that after a battle with Unicron and the Matrix’s power was drained you reverted back to this Orion Pax and joined with the Decepticons.” The blue mech looked up. “Is this not true?”

The Prime sighed, “Yes, or so I have been informed. As I said I do not remember any of that time though.”

The therapist nodded, his digits typing away, and Optimus frowned behind his mask as the constant clicking began to make his optic twitch.

Once he was done with his infernal typing the mech looked back up at Optimus, his optics wide, welcoming, yet oddly calculating. “How did you feel about that once you returned?”

Fighting to keep from rolling his optics, Optimus looked steadily at the mech before him. “I was confused when I awoke. I was concerned over leaving me team, but we may it through the incident well enough.”

The other mech looked curiously at him, “You joined the Decepticons without a second thought, or the entity inside you did. Did that not cause some worry for you doing so again, without warning perhaps?”

This time Optimus did growl. “It had occurred because of the Matrix’s power being used, and even with that Ratchet assured me that I came back to my team as Orion Pax, before the Matrix’s power was restored. I, I am uncertain what this has to do with anything that has happened recently. I made the choice to stop Megatron’s execution on my own, as Prime of Cybertron. This has nothing to do with Orion, or what happened so long ago.”

The other mech nodded, his digits typing away, each click only feeding into Optimus’s frustration, and growing anger. He couldn’t help but feel like this was less of a therapy session and more of an interrogation.

The mech finally stopped typing, “You seem upset Optimus. Why might that be?”

The Prime had to stop himself from yelling at the mech, and he took a deep vent in as he calmed his spark. “I am not upset, I merely have no idea what these questions have to do with my choice.”

“Well, some would say they have everything to do with the choice you made, Optimus. I mean, we are talking about the mech that destroyed our planet. The fact that you have a history with him beyond the war could lead many to be concerned that you are compromised in your decision to…”

“I AM NOT COMPROMISED!” Optimus yelled out, his fist slamming onto the arm rest on his chair. “Is it truly so hard to believe that I do not want another Cybertronian to die!? How is it so easy for others to just sign his spark away!? Hasn’t there been enough DEATH!?”

The mech before him merely stared at him with those bored, yet ever thoughtful optics. “Hmmmm,” He said his digits clicking away.

Optimus vented raggedly, his spark and processor reeling. **_Why, why does everyone go directly to death? We have lost so many already! Why must we constantly justify things with destruction!?_**

“Well, I believe we are done here for now.” The blue mech said, his digits never ceasing their infernal tapping. “I would like to see you tomorrow Optimus. I can see we have quite a bit to discuss.”

The Prime ripped himself from his seat eagerly, quickly moving to the door.

“Oh, and tomorrow I would like to take our discussion to Iacon’s prison. I would like to observe your session with Megatron joining us.”

Optimus stopped right before the door, his spark freezing as well before he shook his helm with a small growl. “Very well.” He said simply before throwing the door open and stomping out.

**_Have a therapy session with Megatron present? What is this? No other mech has had to do such a thing that I know of. What is the council trying to do? What are they looking for? Do they truly believe my choice was because I have been compromised!? After everything I have done for them all. After everything we have all gone through, why this, why now? Why do I feel like there is something darker going on here? No… No I am just tired, and uncomfortable. I need to keep my helm. I never should have stormed out of there like…_ **

So lost in his thoughts, and frustrations Optimus stomped right past the medic that had accompanied him to his session, and it wasn’t until Ratchet called his designation for a third time that Optimus stopped.

He blinked, turning his helm in surprise, and embarrassment as he looked back at the scowling mech. “Ratchet, forgive me my friend. I did not mean to ignore you.”

The medic’s narrowed optics scanned over him carefully. “Went well did it?”

Suddenly all of the tension in Optimus’s frame left him and he felt his shoulders sag and helm fall to his chest. “I do not understand, is all. What do they want from me? Why must this be more complicated than not wanting to kill one more Cybertronian?”

Ratchet smiled up at Optimus, his optics softening as he walked towards him. “Come on mech. Let’s go get some fuel. You don’t have any meetings or anything for a while anyways right?”

The Prime shook his helm, his dim optics looking downwards as they walked. “No, I… Or rather, the council cleared my afternoon so that I could put my entire focus on this… Well, whatever that was.”

“I expected it to take longer honestly.” Ratchet said, his optics narrowing as they walked down the long gleaming hall of the medical center. He noted how many of the bots around them stared in awe as Optimus passed, but the distracted Prime hardly noticed anything but his own pedes.

“Yes, well I suppose I may have ended it rather poorly.” Optimus admitted, a frown forming under his battlemask.

Ratchet glanced up at the taller mech, his spark going out to the younger mech as he noticed the tell-tale look of disappointment on Optimus’s hidden faceplates. The fact that Optimus had been wearing his battlemask almost constantly since halting Megatron’s execution spoke volumes. **_He is drowning in this, even as he tries to pretend otherwise. Fraggin council, I had truly hoped they would be better than the senate from eons past but as time goes on, they continue to disappoint me._**

“I don’t blame you really Optimus. Who would want any mech digging into them, unwillingly no less. You have a right to feel violated.” Ratchet spat out angrily, his voice scattering a few of the awe struck mechs around them and sending them scattering. He would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy how he could get that reaction, it had come in handy since they restored Cybertron. Too many mechs expecting too much from Optimus these days. **_Don’t they see that he is a mech as well? That he is struggling to keep up with everything since the war? No, of course not! All they see if the perfect Prime they want to see, not the tired, aching, emotionally drained mech inside._**

“I just don’t understand. What more must I do to prove I have always, and always will serve in the best interest of Cybertron? What more must I do to have them trust me?” Optimus lamented, his servos fisting at his sides.

As Ratchet opened the door to the medical building, he had to adjust his optics as the late morning’s light spilled over them. **_Well, it looks like it will be a beautiful day at least._** The medic thought with a sigh.

Optimus and he made their way down one of the busier streets of New Iacon, bots left and right stumbling over themselves as they stared at the Prime.

Ratchet glared at them all, daring them to come forwards, as many had in the past, and beg for a picture, or signature… He knew Optimus hated that. He knew the Prime was not against greeting his fellow Cybertronians but to be treated so, above them, it bothered the larger mech greatly.

**_Why can’t one of these fraggers treat him like a mech instead of some fragging deity? Are they really so simple?_ **

It wasn’t until they got to the’ Commons’ a small area in Iacon that had numerous shops, or fuel vendors that Optimus’s foul mood seemed to lift, and Ratchet smiled at the change. He knew Optimus loved this part of the city as there was normally so much going on around them that he was generally ignored, at least to a larger degree than usual.

In a few areas of the circle there was even shows going on, actors recreating great battles, or singing of the restoration of their world, or their adventures during the exodus. It seemed for many of the returning Cybertronians they had found themselves in places of the universe where they didn’t have to continue to fight. Many of them even created societies between factions. Decepticons and Autobots living their exile out in harmony, of course, it wasn’t like that for all, and that is where many of the problems bloomed from.

So far there had only a few instances where Autobots or Decepticons started public disturbances, both equally to blame, believe it or not, but the new enforcers normally handled the fights long before they got too bad. Having enforcers from both sides seemed to help as well.

“Come on over here, Optimus. There is a new shop, they have some excellent rust sticks.” Ratchet said to the larger mech, a playful smile on his faceplates.

Optimus blinked at him, his optics crinkling as he smiled under his mask. “I thought you said those were unhealthy Ratchet?”

The medic rolled his optics. “They are! Terrible for your systems but if they can fragging put a smile on that miserable face of yours…”

Optimus smiled wider, his arm rising as he caught the smaller mech’s wrist gently with his servo stopping him. “You put a smile on my faceplates Ratchet. Thank you, for everything.”

The medic scowled at him, but a light blue blush could be seen growing on his cheeks, if you looked hard enough. “Oh come off it mech, come on, bots are staring.”

Optimus stepped closer to the orange and white mech, his optics softening. “They are always staring Ratchet.” He said, his voice holding just a bit of sadness within it.

Ratchet looked up at the Prime, his faceplates glowing brighter as Optimus’s battlemask finally slid aside revealing his small, but wonderful smile. “Optimus…” The medic stuttered out, keenly aware of the crowd that was watching them.

“I love you, Ratchet. Thank you for always looking out for me.” Optimus said softly his smile growing as he leaned down and gently placed a kiss on the smaller mech’s dermas.

For a moment the world disappeared, and all Ratchet could feel, see, experience, was the magnificent mech before him, of course once the crowd began clapping and hollering, Ratchet felt his shoulders stiffen and he pulled away with a huff.

“What’s the matter with all of ya!? Ain’t never seen a KISS BEFORE!? Go on! ALL OF YA, GET!” The medic growled out, many of the bots around him scrambling as they did before and Optimus just sighed and shook his helm at the smaller mech’s rage.

Ratchet took the larger mech’s servo and tugged him into the shop, mumbling to himself as he did so, pointedly ignoring the chuckle he heard from Optimus. **_At least he is laughing… Big idiot…_**

He sighed as he walked into the brightly colored shop, his optics narrowing at the tacky pastel colors, and odd cheery music. The medic had never been one for such jovial settings, but as he peered over his shoulder at Optimus he felt his spark soar as he scanned over the mighty Prime’s beaming faceplates, and wondering optics. **_He is such a sparkling, I swear…_**

Optimus’s optics took in the wonderful little shop greedily, his spark easing as he scanned over the little mechanical toys that chirped, or chugged along tracks that ran up the walls and across shelves around them. He smiled at the numerous oddities, many inspired by the exodus, illustrating the different planets or galaxies so many Cybertronians had visited, all coming together in this brilliant little shop. It was a beautiful contrast to the suffocating white walls of the medical building he had just left.

He looked over at Ratchet, his smile growing wider as he noticed the medic nonchalantly peering back at him. “I love you.” He said quietly, lovingly his field opening for the first time that day as he released his fears and anxiety and took in his mate’s welcoming, comforting field in turn.

Ratchet smiled proudly. **_There you are, Optimus. I don’t care what it takes, I will never let this world take this, this sense of wonder, this sense of life from you. I will never let it take you, from you._**

The vendor smiled up at them, being careful not to stare at Optimus as he  walked to the counter, and Ratchet was glad for it, happy his earlier threat paid off.

When the medic had heard of Optimus being forced into a therapy session by the council he remembered his spark ceasing up. Optimus was a very quiet mech, always keeping to himself unless duty called so to be forced into sitting down with a stranger and opening his spark, Ratchet knew it would be nightmarish for the larger mech. The night after he had heard the news, from the holovids no less, not Optimus himself, he returned to his quarters to find Optimus sitting in their living space alone in the dark.

The large mech had been sitting upon their couch, his helm hung low, a cube of high-grade before him untouched. Optimus had never been one to drink, but apparently the news had rattled him enough to contemplate it.

Ratchet had placed his medical kit down, placing some of his used cubes in their cleansing station before, with a heavy sigh moving and sitting beside his love.

At first neither spoke, each simply enjoying the silence and darkness until Optimus had vented out wearily before turning his helm and smiling at his mate. “Forgive me for not telling you.” The Prime said, his small sad smile still on his faceplates, but his voice grated with lack of use and far too much emotion.

Ratchet had nodded, his optics looking over the slumped mech slowly. “I am sorry I couldn’t get off earlier. There was another accident at one of the work sites, half the building came down.”

When Optimus’s optics had widened and his frame tensed Ratchet pat his arm reassuringly. “No fatalities, but numerous bots were injured. I would have been here sooner otherwise.”

“I hadn’t heard, I am sorry.” Optimus said softly, his optics dimming with guilt.

Ratchet had growled and turned to the larger mech then. “Optimus you are not some God. You can’t be on top of everything, remember? It is selfish and illogical to even contemplate that.”

If there was one thing that irked Ratchet when it came to his mate, it was Optimus’s constant struggle with his imperfections. The whole world may think Optimus was infallible, and god-like, but Ratchet knew, more than most just how wonderfully, beautifully flawed Optimus could be. In fact it was his love’s flaws that made him more of a Prime than any before, now if only he could get Optimus to see that.

They had spent the rest of the night talking after that, Ratchet slowly working through his mate’s walls until the larger mech had finally fallen into recharge as he leaned against the medic. It was then that Ratchet had begun his planning.

He knew the first meeting was going to end poorly, even if it ended ‘well’ so he had started looking into ways he could help Optimus afterwards, starting with getting the time off to accompany his love to the session.

Next, he worked on where he could take Optimus to put a smile back on his faceplates. He didn’t know much of what was around New Iacon these days, as he was normally stuck at the med center, but he had gotten a hold of Jazz and asked the old spy about some ideas.

Jazz had provided the idea for the Commons, and told him to comm Bumblebee with specifics on the on-goings there.

The former scout had eagerly suggested numerous places, but once he said toys, and treats, Ratchet had zeroed in on this place. The morning of the session the medic had come down early and threatened the entire staff to treat Optimus like a normal mech, or there would be a slag storm of trouble for them and it looked like his efforts/ and threats, were paying off.

“Welcome to Cyber Treats where your dream-cycles come true, I am Sweetie and I will be your vendor for the day!” The plucky little mech behind the counter said happily and Ratchet nearly laughed right in the bot’s faceplates.

“Right, Sw… mech. Can we see your selection of rust sticks?” The medic asked, uncertain he could say the foolish designation without losing it.

The neon green mech smiled wider pulling out numerous jars of the treats they had evidently already prepared for the Prime’s arrival.

Optimus looked curiously down at his mate but remained silent as his optics scanned over the treats. “May I try one?” Optimus asked politely and the mech behind the counter almost swooned in awe, that was until he caught Ratchet glaring sharply at him.

“Of course Pr… Sir. I would recommend this one. It holds a hint of sweetness and a bit of a salty taste as well.” Sparkles… or whatever the frag the mech was called said with a wink.

Ratchet scowled at the green mech, he had told them all to treat Optimus like a regular but not flirt with him! Optimus of course, was oblivious as he gently picked out one of the recommended sticks and brought it to his intake before snapping off a piece and chewing on it.

The medic watched as Optimus’s optics widened, his smile growing as he ate more of the delicate treat. Just before he finished it Optimus seemed to think, and he smiled down at his mate offering the last little bit to Ratchet. “It is very good, would you like to try?”

Ratchet wasn’t one for snacks, his medical programming too deeply ingrained into his processor to ignore the sever lack of health benefits that the treats held, but as the mech behind the counter continued to stare dreamily at Optimus he smirked and opened his intake.

Optimus smiled bringing his servo forwards and gently placing the rust stick on his love’s glossa. Ratchet smirked at _Sprinkles_ as he chewed on the stick, yet he was surprised when he found it to be far better tasting than he had expected. So good in fact he could almost ignore his fuel lines getting clogged by its additives, almost.

Optimus smiled lovingly down at him before looking at _Sparky._ “I think we would like a half dozen of those as well as the spiced ones to the left, and do you have some of those, what are they called, the pastries filled with the light colored oil, with shavings of,” He looked down at Ratchet, his smiling growing as Ratchet scowled at him, “Silver shavings correct, or was it copper?”

Alright, there was one treat Ratchet liked, but he never bought them for himself because even being as disciplined and aware of the health risks that came with snacks, the wondrously addictive, oil filled pastries were his one weakness, and his mate knew it.

“Fine, but only two!” Ratchet spat out, his optics narrowing at Optimus.

“We shall take four, please?” Optimus said with a playful smirk and the medic growled.

As they waited for their order to be gathered Optimus looked down at his mate. “Thank you again Ratchet. I do not know what I would do without you, old friend.”

Ratchet scoffed, waving his servos dismissively. “Probably curl up into a ball and slowly fall to madness, but it is fine really. I suppose I need you too, to help me ‘calm down, or ‘not attack every bot around me’…  I have heard I can be grumpy, can you imagine that?”

Optimus laughed his deep, hearty, beautifully baritone laughter filling the little shop around them, and Ratchet felt his spark skip at the sound. “Nooo, not you!?  How completely unfair of them.”

Ratchet nodded his faceplates turning serious. “See, you understand.” He said simply and Optimus laughed louder.

Finally their order was prepared and Ratchet paid with his currency stick before leading Optimus out of the little shop, much to the disappointment of Speckles.

He held Optimus’s servo through the crowd, the Prime looking around them happily as he munched on some of their treats. Ratchet turned them down to their street, heading towards their apartment  building, Optimus raising his optical ridge curiously as he followed.

“What? I want to get these treats in the cooler, beside… We have time.” Ratchet said, his optics flashing as Optimus choked on his rust stick slightly.

The medic chuckled, dragging the Prime though the main doors of their quarters, ignoring the stares their entry elicited. It wasn’t as bad as in the streets given many of their neighbors saw Optimus and Ratchet often, but still it was like the world could never _stop_ staring at Optimus, no matter where he was. **_Well, unless we are alone, and that is exactly what he needs right now. He needs time to be a mech, no perfection, no responsibilities, just love, and the simple wonder that can hold._**

The moment Ratchet got to their door he quickly entered their code, the door unlocking before he pushed the surprised Prime in before him, and locked it once more.

Optimus stumbled a bit, his optics wide as he turned to his love just to watch as Ratchet snatched the bag he held and throw it on the counter beside him.

The medic smiled, his optics scanning over Optimus hungrily as he walked towards the taller mech.

Optimus still had half a rust stick hanging from his dermas as the smaller mech approached, his frame backing up until he hit the far wall with a gulp.

“Optimus…” Ratchet called to him huskily, moving in close to the now blushing mech as he lifted himself to the tips of his pedes and oh so gently bit the rest of the treat off before pressing his lips to Optimus’s.

The Prime moaned then, his frame sagging against the wall as he moved his hips closer to Ratchet’s, his arms wrapping around the smaller mech before pulling him closer.

“I want you.” Optimus grated out, his engine revving high as he flipped them and pressed his love to the wall. “Ratchet…”

The medic gasped, his frame heating up immediately as he slid his servos over the larger mech’s plating, dipping his digits into each transformation seam, and pushing under his mate’s windshields. “Be-berthroom!” He gasped out, yelping as Optimus immediately swung his arms out and slipped them behind his back and legs and lifted him.

Optimus kicked their berthroom door open, his lips never leaving Ratchet’s as he laid his love on the soft mesh blankets. “I love you Ratchet, I love you with all of my spark.” He said, his field open and loving as he caressed the smaller mech. He lowered his intake, his glossa sneaking out before it began licking at the medic’s neck cabling.

“Uhhhh, Optimus! I, I lov… unnnn, I love you!” Ratchet mewled out, his frame shivering beneath the Prime as he opened his valve panel, its quiet _sheeek_ sound pulling a ragged moan from his mate.

Optimus moved his servo down Ratchet’s frame, slowly tracing along each plate, each seam before finally slipping between the mech’s thighs and rubbing against the already sopping folds of his port. “Uuuurrrgh, gods… Ratchet, you… How do you know exactly what… What I need? How do you always bring me back?”

The medic vented heavily, his hips arching up into Optimus’s servo as he fought from overloading right there. “I love you, you big idiot. If I didn’t know what you… UNNNNNN!” His words cut off as two of Optimus’s digits wiggled into him, the Prime working them in deeply, pressing against all the right cluster of nodes.

Optimus chuckled against the crook of Ratchet’s neck, “Such compliments you give.” He said as he smiled and nipped at the smaller mech.

“Well… Uhhhh, some-someone needs to k… UNNNN, keep you modest.” Ratchet strangled out, the heat growing in his lower chassis quickly as he felt his charge begin to bloom.

Optimus sighed, delighting in the slight crackles of energy he felt pulse against his servo as he worked it in and out of his love faster, and faster.

“Uhhhh, Unnn, Optimus… I… I am close! I… Uhhhhh, Yesss…. YES….. UNNNNNN OPTIMUUUUS!” Ratchet screamed as his back arched, blue sparks of charge rippling through his frame as he overloaded hard!

Optimus groaned, his love’s valve clenching around his digits tightly as wave after wave of convulsions pulsed rhythmically around them. “You are beautiful, Ratchet.” He whispered, kissing the gasping mech as he moved his larger frame over him.

“Arrrgh, shut up and fuck me!” Ratchet choked out, his frame shivering from his first climax as he looked down to watch the Prime open his spike panel, a sigh escaping him as he beheld his love’s glorious member.

He lifted his hips once more, openly, wantonly towards the silver and blue spike, his optics hazy and unfocused as he felt the thick shaft push against his leaking port.

Optimus growled, his frame trembling as he slowly pushed into that luscious wet heat, his spike twitching with each inch it entered until finally, he came to his hilt and stilled. “Arrrrgh, you feel so wonderful around me Ratchet.”

The medic smiled goofily up at him, “You darn right.” He said brokenly, his servos wrapping around his mate’s helm as he pulled it back down to his and kissed the other’s dermas roughly.

As Optimus began to move his hips, his long thick spike sliding easily in and out the soaking tunnel it inhabited Ratchet’s moans and whimpers grew in volume, the medic slowly becoming undone under the mighty Prime.

“Ohhh, yes… Please, pleeeease… Op-Optimus! Unnnn, just, just like thaaaahhhhh!” Ratchet’s helm fell back and intake open as he gave himself fully to the mech above him, his servos gripping at Optimus’s back plates as he desperately tried to pull himself closer to the mech.

Optimus’s control was shattering with each cry, each wonderfully ragged broken sound that broke from his love’s vocalizer, and he found himself making similar sounds as his thrusts quickened. He buried his helm in the crook of the smaller mech’s neck, his hips now plunging into the mech frantically as he felt his charge build deep in his lower chassis. “Unnnn, R-Ratcheeeeet! Unnnn, I, I love… UHHHHHHH!”

The room around them echoed their cries and the slurping wet sounds of their movements, the scent of the mingled arousal bringing them further into their approaching climaxes.

“Uhhhh, Unnnnn, Op-Optimus… I.. I am gonna, UNNNN! FRAG YESSS! MORE, MORE, UNNNNN FRAAAAG!” Ratchet screamed out once more, his frame crackling with energy and vibrating as he overloaded for a second time.

Optimus’s control snapped then and with a loud bellow he began slamming himself in to the climaxing mech. He wasn’t sure what noises he was making now but he knew they sounded bestial, animalistic even as he rode through his lovers overload and with one final cry he thrust in deep and came.

 “AAAAARRRRRRRGH! RAAAAATCHET!” The Prime’s optics rolled back, his helm lifting to the ceiling as he erupted into his love. His thick ropey transfluid filling his mate deeply as he roared above him.

Finally, the flow of juices ebbed, and Optimus whimpered weakly his frame moving to the side just in time to collapse next to the smaller mech, not on top of him.

Ratchet moaned as he vented rapidly, his fans whirling as he snuggled into the larger mech, a big brilliant smile on his faceplates. “I love you Optimus. I will fight to keep you… No matter what. I won’t let this world get to you…”

Optimus grinned wearily, his optics growing dim as recharge called to him, it had been so long since he had rested well. “I… I love… My hero… You are.” The Prime mumbled out, his frame moving closer to his mate as his long arms wrapped around him and pulled him in tightly.

Ratchet’s smile widened, his servo rising to trace Optimus’s helm as he knew the larger mech loved, and was rewarded with a gentle moan. “Recharge love. I will let them know you need a medical break, not like you ever take one anyways. I am certain they won’t have a problem with it.”

Optimus nodded, already half gone. “Ne-need re-rest. To-tomorrow… M-Megatron…” He muttered out, his frame shuddering before finally with a long vent, falling to recharge.

Ratchet wished he could enjoy the moment, wished he could smile and revel in the simplicity for a klik, but the moment Optimus mentioned Megatron he felt his spark grow cold, and any sense of peace fled him. **_Megatron!? What does he mean!? What the frag is this council going to put him through now!? He just didn’t want another death! Why can’t they believe that!? IT IS FRAGGIN OPTIMUS FOR PRIMUS SAKE!_**

He looked over his love’s faceplates, pulling his chaotic field in as he noticed the larger mech grimacing. **_Oh Optimus… You need to be so careful. They, they would love to take you out of power because you, you are the one that won the war. You are the one that started the restoration of Cybertron, and they know without you we wouldn’t be here today… And they hate that._**

The medic vented out painfully, his optics burning as he held his love close. He knew Optimus just wanted to live simply, but his sway over the citizens, his accomplishments, not all bots here were so enamored with the Prime like most of the public was, and that terrified Ratchet.

**_Oh love, please be careful… One mess up, one slip and… I love you so much but sometimes your hope, your kindness… Don’t let it be your downfall. Please…_ **

“Please, Optimus… Please?” He whispered, kissing the larger mech’s forehelm before pulling himself from his berth. He wrapped Optimus’s frame in blankets before making his way to their living space, his spark hammering as he fretted. He needed help, he needed information on the council, he needed to contact one of the only council members he truly trusted, even more than Magnus… He needed to contact Starscream.


	2. Sick Politics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Sooo, this chapter is a bit dialogue heavy, setting some stuff up as well as sorting stuff out. :) Fun! More emotional tidbits to come, and... Other stuff, just need to set the board. Ugh.. Haha, anywho, hope you enjoy. I must say I really like Starscream so far. He is so fraggin intelligent, and flawed, it is wonderful. Ok, enjoy!

It was late afternoon when Starscream heard a knock on his office door, and he groaned inwardly at the sound. **_Arrrgh, what now?_**

“Enter!” He called, shifting the numerous data pads along his desk to get to the newest report. It seemed as Cybertron was restored piece by piece there was a never-ending amount of dataflow as well as statistics, estimations, clearances, just report after report after report… **_Luckily I am patient… Well mostly._**

The council member looked up as his door opened, a frown forming in his faceplates as none other than the medic Ratchet walked in.

“Starscream,” Ratchet said with a nod, closing the door tightly behind him before walking further into the cluttered room.

“Ratchet…” The seeker answered suspiciously as he pulled his spectacles from his optics. “What might bring you here so late? I was just finishing up.”

The medic sighed, his right servo going to rub his neck cables as he walked up to the lithe mech’s desk. “Well might as well cut through the slag I guess.” The orange and white mech said wearily. “What is going on in the council, and what the frag does it have to do with Optimus?”

It was Starscream’s turn to sigh and he did so as he slowly lowered his glasses and sat back in his chair. “Why don’t you sit, Ratchet. I suspect this may take a while.” He said gruffly, gesturing to one of the two seats in front of his desk. The medic’s optics flashed at that, his dermas frowning as he moved to one of the chairs and sat down uncomfortably.

Starscream rubbed his faceplates for a moment, his optics turning to the one window he had in his office before beginning. “I can imagine why you would come to me and not Sentinel or Magnus with this.”

“I would hope so, Starscream.” Ratchet said with a bitter laugh. “I may not have always liked you, but these days you seem far more honest than most on the council, and surprisingly less politically motivated.”

Starscream chuckled raising his arms in a shrug, “What can I say? When I said I was tired of the war, I meant it. Now I aim to focus on Cybertron’s growth, not its destruction.”

Ratchet nodded, his optics narrowing in thought. “Yes, you, Knockout, and many others, even Megatron expressed his disgust for continuing the war, but we all know how that turned out.”

The seeker growled quietly his optics blazing as he peered back at the other mech, “Yes well, his crimes were far less forgivable… To say the least.”

Ratchet scoffed, his helm shaking as he looked around the office. “Well, I am not disagreeing, but it does seem as if him being sent to prison instead of exile, _and_ his planned execution was a political stunt to get the citizens on the side with the council. Well, it was until Optimus fought it.”

Starscream nodded, his optics dimming. “Immediately undermining the voice of the council and the public was swayed to his side, again.”

Ratchet growled, his plating flaring for a moment. “You know that isn’t why he did it, Starscream. Frag, you know how Optimus is and performing a public execution is never, and has never been something he would easily agree to no matter the bot!”

Ratchet groaned weakly, his frame shuddering slightly as his anger grew. He had been feeling less than stellar recently, but with all of the chaos Optimus had been going through he hadn’t been able to schedule a checkup for himself. He would _eventually_ , but for now he needed to get to the bottom of this! He knew his mate could handle an immense amount of responsibility, but when it came to things like deceit, or politics, politicians and their games Optimus had no tools to work with.

Optimus just wasn’t that kind of mech! He was honest, and righteous, he helped mechs because he _felt_ it was right, not because he was told to, or to further his influence. **_Oh Optimus, you are too good for this world, this universe, and I have been terrified that would be your undoing._**

The seeker laughed, his optics turning back to his window as he watched some of his fellow flyers streak across the sky. It was a welcoming sight, something he would have never dreamed of seeing again had all the steps that brought them to finally restoring Cybertron not occurred.

“I am well aware what kind of mech Optimus is Ratchet, as is the council and _that_ is what they fear most.” Starscream said quietly, his helm turning back to Ratchet. “He cannot _be_ used, he cannot be manipulated into the growing political battles. He is truly and irrevocably a good mech. Rules cannot even keep him from making, what he believes to be, the right choice and that terrifies the council. Even Magnus, as honorable as he is, resides in a spectrum of manipulation; change the rules and you can change him, perhaps not effortlessly, but far easier than Optimus. Plus,” the seeker added, pushing away from his desk before standing and going to the small energon cooler he had. “The public loves Optimus, and honors him.”

“Yeah, until he screws up.” Ratchet said with a huff, his narrowed optics watching as Starscream pulled out two cubes of energon, and offered one to him. Oddly enough Ratchet was still hungry even though he had fueled just before arriving here, perhaps it was something to do with his sickness? He grunted as he reached out and took the cube with a nod of thanks.

“Well, it is not _if_ he screws up. The citizens of Cybertron are more than willing to forgive their hero for many things, as was illustrated when he asked for Megatron’s execution to be halted, it is _how_ he could fail that is the most important factor to look at.”

Ratchet frowned over his cube. “What do you mean?” He asked slowly, his tanks roiling sickly within his chassis.

Starscream sighed, “You cannot destroy or disgrace a god easily, Ratchet. You would need pieces to be placed, you would need to feed the public slowly with doubt, and then at the last moment, whatever that moment might be, THEN you pounce.”

Ratchet stood, his spark aching as it thundered in its chamber. “What are you talking about!? Is that what they are planning!? You are part of the council, can’t you stop this!?”

Starscream scowled at the medic. “Calm down, Ratchet. To the normal optic, nothing like this is happening. I am merely saying if it _were_ to happen, those are the steps that would need to be taken. However, recent events have spurred dissension in the council about the obvious power, and influence Optimus holds over the public. Not only is he the hero of Cybertron, but a Prime, and well… Honest. That the council lost their opportunity to use Megatron’s death as a tool to better themselves in the public’s optics, _and now_ most of the public is chanting Optimus the Merciful, it has rubbed many the wrong way, BUT until he does something they can truly use to their advantage, he is untouchable.”

“Something to use? Like what? Optimus isn’t stupid; he can tell something is off about these supposed ‘ _evaluations’_. Just what are they digging for? What do they hope to find?” Ratchet asked, his denta grinding loudly in the silent office.

Starscream shrugged. “Who knows? They probably hope his honesty will lead them to something that can give them cause for concern, something they can feed to the citizens to take the Prime down from the pedestal everyone has placed him on, basic political tactics really. Having a nearly untouchable adversary, one who is viewed by many as a deity of sorts, it was only a matter of time before the council came after him. Megatron’s halted execution just may have been the catalyst that hastened their actions.”

“But, but Optimus… Arrrgh. Where do _you_ stand Starscream? Do you agree with them? That Optimus holds too much power?” Ratchet grated out, his frame shivering slightly.

Starscream glowered at the other mech. “Come now, Ratchet. If you believed I was interested in any of this you wouldn’t be here right now.” The seeker said flatly, his helm dropping after a moment. “I told you, I am tired of war, and fighting. I want to help Cybertron, and have no desire to be a part of its destruction. There has been enough darkness, and I, I have had my fill of it.”

The two mechs became quiet, Ratchet peering at the other mech sadly. “I… I know, and I am sorry. Frag, if it weren’t for you we wouldn’t be where we are right now anyways, not like you get recognition for what you did.”

Starscream chuckled darkly, his optics dim. “I have a place on the council that is all I wanted for my efforts, little though they were…  Even with what I did, I seriously doubt without Optimus’s help I would be here, so no… No, I have no desire to take part in any schemes that may involve disgracing him. The council hardly trusts me as it is, and they know how I feel about the Prime, and… And what he did for the Decepticons, including those that would not concede in the end.”

Ratchet laughed quietly, his helm shaking as he sat back down weakly. “It is still so strange to hear you talk like this Starscream. After fighting with you for so long, to hear you stick up for our side…”

“We are on a collective side now, remember mech? No Decepticons, or Autobots… Not any more.” The seeker said with a heavy vent, his optics looking back out the window surprised with how late it was getting.

“Have… Have you been able to visit them yet?” Ratchet asked lightly, amazing even himself with how concerned he sounded.

“I could, though I imagine they still have no desire to see me. They have been moved to Kaon Penitentiary now, or so the rumors say.” Starscream said stiffly, his servos fisting at his side. He sighed then, his shoulders falling as he moved closer to the window, the fiery blaze of sunset reflecting in his red optics. “I do not understand honestly. I would hope, I would have hoped they would see the sense in what I did, what I chose but instead… Instead they only see me as a traitor to Megatron’s great cause.”

“But Megatron agreed. He agreed with you, and gave himself up freely!” The medic said, not understanding why if the warlord turned himself in, then why would so many of his followers still believe otherwise.

“That is the problem with sycophants, Ratchet. They will see what they want to see and right now I am the mech that apparently schemed my way into Megatron’s spark, and manipulated him to turn himself in. I think it would have turned out much better really had the original punishment of exile taken place, but now that he and those still loyal to him are in prison, nevermind that Megatron’s execution almost occurred… I doubt my trine will ever recover, or my reputation with any of those imprisoned.”

“That wasn’t your fault! You are one voice on the council compared to what… is it ten now, and the only former Decepticon! Fraggers… That the council made the ruling for imprisonment when Optimus was off planet getting the All Spark was even more of a fragging spit in both of your faceplates.” Ratchet said angrily, his vents a little more rapid as his frame continued to heat up.

“Well, at least he was able to return in time to halt the execution, even if he couldn’t get the council to rescind the decision for imprisonment. Either way, yes, you would be blind, or stupid to not see things coming to a head but when they will strike _, if_ they strike, only time will tell.” The seeker said with another heavy vent before finishing his cube and turning to the mech behind him.

Starscream’s optics widened as he realized how pale the other mech looked. “Ratchet, you do not look so well. Are you alright?”

The medic waved him off, “I haven’t been recharging well, all of this scrap is keeping me awake, nevermind Optimus. I worry that _mistake_ will happen far quicker with him always being stressed out. Ahhh… Frag it all. This was supposed to be a time of peace, a time of calm but now…”

“Well, we were at war for eons, we are rebuilding a world, a civilization from scrap, and have far too many power hungry mechs _in_ power. It won’t always be this way. As more and more Cybertronians return I hope we find some far more fair, and just mechs to fill the slots of the council. For now we must merely work to _control_ their greed, especially Sentinel’s. Have you noticed him taking Hot Rod under his care recently? I am uncertain what that is all about, but I know the young mech to be very loyal to Optimus… Then again, if I was planning on tarnishing the Prime’s honor and ill-legitimizing his credibility it would be advantageous to start doing so with one of his most faithful supporters…”

“Oh frag it all mech…” Ratchet groaned out, his processor running far too fast in his helm. “I can’t keep up with all of this slag! I… I don’t know what to do. I am terrified for Optimus, and he is so clueless when it comes to these filthy fragging council members!”

Starscream raised an optical ridge but decided to ignore the insult. “Well, inform him of what we spoke of. Tell him to keep his helm, and watch what he does and says. Who knows, maybe all of this will amount to nothing, maybe it will all be…”

“He is meeting with Megatron tomorrow during his therapy session.” Ratchet growled out, his optics blazing as he looked up at the surprised seeker.

“Megatron? Why? During _his_ therapy session? That doesn’t make any sense…” Starscream pondered quietly, his servo rising to his chin thoughtfully.

“I don’t fragging know either. It is like they think he is hiding something from them about Megatron, I dunno. All I know is this isn’t normal protocol! I don’t even know how it is legal!” The medic complained, rubbing his rolling tanks.

“Well, it isn’t _not_ legal, just obscure, but if he were to refuse, any doubts they may have with Optimus concerning Megatron would be heightened… You really do not look well, mech. Do you want me to escort you to the med wing?” Starscream asked, his optics narrowing as he looked over the medic.

“No, no… I am leaving. Just need some recharge and I think all of this slag about politics is making me dizzy. I dunno what to do Starscream. I will talk with Optimus tomorrow about all of this slag, but I don’t know if it will help. Fragger is just too honest… Too good, and…” Ratchet had to stop himself, his optics burning as fear laced through his spark.

The seeker felt for the mech before him, if there were any two mechs more loyal to one another he didn’t know beyond Optimus and Ratchet, well now that Orion was gone at least… To see the medic lament for his mate was touching. **_If only my trine mates could have been this loyal, and trusting…_**

“Why don’t you head home, Ratchet. I will keep an optic out here and let you know if I sniff out any trouble.” The flyer said gently, and Ratchet nodded as he stood.

“Thank you, I would appreciate that.” The medic said as he made his way to the door. Just before he turned the knob he looked back at the lithe mech, his optics glistening. “Umm, really, thank you Starscream. You… This means a lot to me.”

The seeker nodded, his optics growing clouded just before looking away. “Well, I have found myself in the auspicious position of not truly having anything to lose, not anymore. It is liberating in a way and helps me focus on what is truly good, and worth fighting for…”

Ratchet smiled grimly before nodding and leaving the councilor’s office, Starscream watching him go before turning back to his desk and sitting down in his chair heavily. He stared at his desk, his optics trailing over the numerous datapads and sticks, his empty cubes from his long day, and the numerous other tools he used. **_There isn’t enough time in the day…_**

He groaned, wiping roughly at his faceplates as he pulled another datapad before him, his free servo unconsciously rubbing at his wretchedly flat abdominal plating. There had been too much loss, too much darkness in his life, in _so many_ lives and now he found himself in the unexpected position to perhaps make a difference for some of the mechs that helped him.

Starscream frowned as he thought over what Ratchet had said and no, he hadn’t really seen anything untoward occurring in the council in regards to the Prime, but it had only been around a short amount of time since Optimus had stood before them all and challenged the order for Megatron’s execution.

**_I will have to keep my optics open. Perhaps speak to some of the less power hungry mechs, nevermind staff members…_ **

The seeker looked towards the now dark window, the stars glittering beautifully over the city as night fell, and he wondered if he should even go to his hab suite or stay at work. At least in his office he didn’t feel so terribly alone, nor were the nightmares so often, and so terrible.

He shook his helm, pushing his dark thoughts away as he stood walking over to his office door and locking it before making it back to his chair. **_I will stay here tonight, perhaps look into some things as well. I owe the Prime that much at least._**

He opened some of the recent messages that had been sent to him regarding the Prime’s evaluations, frowning as he realized the session with Megatron wasn’t listed. It wasn’t absolutely necessary to list it, but to not have it there seemed abnormal, and underhanded. **_If Ratchet had not told me of the meeting I would never have known. Two of Cybertron’s most influential mechs meeting secretly in a therapy session, and it is not shown on the roster of the Prime’s evaluations, curious to say the least. I wonder what else is missing from this list?_**

He sat back, his processor reeling. **_Just what are these fraggers planning, who is in on it? I doubt Magnus would be, Sentinel no doubt, but who else? Seems like this might go further than I realized, and I have little to no mechs on my side here. Well, perhaps I shall have to dig a little deeper… There definitely seems like there is trouble brewing and poor, honorable, trusting Optimus is at the center of it all._**

**_…………………….._ **

When Optimus finally woke from recharge he was surprised to find sunlight spilling in from their eastern most window and he blinked in confusion. **_Morning?_**

He groaned, his frame feeling oddly sluggish, almost sickly as he turned in his berth to find his love recharging fitfully next to him. **_Poor mech, because of me he has been so tired and restless._**

Optimus lifted his long arm and curled it around the smaller mech, his helm snuggling close as he inhaled his mate’s scent. He titled his helm curiously realizing how much more powerful the mech’s scent was, how much sweeter, and the smell went right to his lower chassis.

He growled slightly, his frame moving closer when suddenly he paused, his dermas frowning as he realized how warm Ratchet’s frame felt. **_Oh no, is he sick?_**

The Prime sat up, his optics scanning over his love carefully immediately noting the more rapid vents, and small shivers that ran up Ratchet’s frame. **_Ohhhh, Ratchet. Have you been so worried about me that you have neglected taking care of yourself? I wonder if he would kill me if I called out for him?_**

Given his mate’s work ethic Optimus knew the medic would be furious if he did such a thing, so he gently shook the heated mech, his optics narrowed in concern as it took far longer to wake his love than usual.

“Arrrgh… What?” Ratchet grumbled out finally, his optics remaining closed.

“Love, I have to get to my session, but I wanted to know if you wanted me to comm First Aid and tell him you wouldn’t be making it in today.” Optimus said gently, rubbing the smaller mech’s helm. “You seem to have a fever.”

Ratchet huffed, his frame shivering slightly before, to Optimus’s amazement, he nodded. “Mmmm, not feeling good. Call out, ok.”

Optimus nodded nervously, his spark aching for his mate. “Ratchet, maybe I should reschedule the meeting. You look like you need to…”

“NO!” The medic said quickly as he turned, his tired optics opened wide with panic. “No, you have to go Optimus! You need to! Who knows what they will say about you if you don’t…”

“Alright, alright love.” Optimus said gently, his servos reaching over to ease the frantic mech back down. “I am just worried for you. Should I send for a medic?”

Ratchet groaned, his servos going to his chassis as pain rippled through it, “N-no… I am alright. You go! You gotta make it there on time! Be smart, watch what you say, make sure you are careful, don’t let him get to you like he does, don’t talk about Orion, please, please be… Be…” Ratchet’s frame hitched and the medic cursed his almost constant emotional breakdowns these days. **_NO! No, I have to be strong! I have to be strong for…_**

As Optimus long arms slowly encircled him, their cool plating jolting through his heated frame like a shock of electricity, and Optimus frowned worriedly as he began to pull back. “Ratchet… What is going on…” He started just to gasp as Ratchet pulled him in close once again.

“I… I just didn’t sleep, I am worried for you!” The medic whimpered out, laying his helm on Optimus’s shoulder as two pathetic tears fell from his optics.

Optimus felt his spark clench for the smaller mech, confusion and worry reeling through his processor as he held his love. “Ratchet, forgive me. You have been so worried over me, and now look at you. I truly am apprehensive about leaving you like this. I think you should go to the med bay, please Ratchet?”

Ratchet pulled back, his shaking servo wiping at his faceplates. “I will go, but you need to get to the prison, it is already so late! Make sure to fuel, and take the short cut by the old Archives, you will get there faster and…”

“I have time, Ratchet. I am not going to force you to make it to the hospital alone.” Optimus said sternly, his optics dim with fear for his love.

Ratchet glared at him. “I can make it, you need to go! If they don’t see you taking this seriously then the council can use it as…”

“FRAG THE COUNCIL!” Optimus yelled out, immediately feeling terrible for his outburst as Ratchet’s optics opened wide and he pulled back some. “I… Forgive me, Ratchet. Forgive my outburst love… I am worried for you, and the council be damned. If my mate needs me, nothing else matters, don’t you see?” He looked deeply into Ratchet’s tired optics, his own filled with fear and anxiety. “Don’t you see Ratchet? Without you none of this matters…”

The medic scowled at the larger mech. “Don’t say that Optimus. You, you are needed by so many, if I were ever to… You couldn’t just stop living, you have too many relying on you to…”

“You sound like them.” Optimus said quietly, his optics falling to his lap, and Ratchet felt his spark clench tightly with guilt as he too lowered his helm.

“I know my responsibilities to everyone else, Ratchet. I know what I mean to so many, and I will be there for them, but,” the Prime raised his helm, his optics blazing with truth and love. “If I were to lose you it would be like losing the suns. You, you are my one gift to myself, my one wonder, my one selfish choice. I have given so much of myself to so many except my spark and my love, my _true_ love.”

He raised his servo, placing his digits under his mate’s helm as he lifted it to his. “Without you Ratchet I will lose the only thing I have for myself, the only mech that has ever seen me as normal, the only one that knows I fear, that I cry… I would lose _my_ Hero. I must be honest… Ratchet I love you so much I, I don’t know what would become of me were you to… You are my spark, my hope, my dreams, my family, my love…”

Ratchet felt tears fall from his optics, uncaring as they slipped down his heated faceplates. “Optimus…” He said quietly, his spark thumping in his chassis.

“Let me take care of you, my precious one. Let me take care of the mech that can help me smile on my darkest days, let me care for the mech that holds me, _me…_ The supposedly mighty, all-knowing Prime as I fumble, and cry. Let me take care of the mech that will go out of his way to join me on a fearful venture, not only taking time off of work, but evidently threatening shop keeps to treat me like an average…”

“WHO TOLD YOU!?” Ratchet spurted out, his faceplates blushing a bright blue. “I bet it was Jazz wasn’t it!? You know, for a spy he certainly likes to talk a whole hell of a…”

Optimus laughed, its rich and honest melody forcing the medic into silence. “No, haha, no… Jazz has kept his silence, but I have optics, do I not?”

As Ratchet mumbled, fighting the small smile that threatened to consume his faceplates, Optimus laughed harder. “I love you, Ratchet, don’t you see? Frag everything else! You _are_ what matters to _me_ , and I will, regardless if you want me to or not, protect, and care for you my love…”

“Arrrgh frag it all Optimus…” Ratchet muttered gruffly, his servos wiping at his tears as he pulled his optics from the incredible depths his lover’s held. “Fine, listen, it is even later now. I will call First Aid now, and have him send an escort, ok?”

Optimus set his dermas, scanning over the smaller mech for a moment before nodding. “Very well, Ratchet. I suppose that is all I will get from a stubborn mech like you.” He smiled as he stood and made his way over to the door. “Stay there, I shall bring you some energon.”

Ratchet rolled his optics, wiping the tears from his faceplates as he opened a comm to the medical center. **_What the frag is wrong with me, breaking down like that? Maybe it is all this stress, I haven’t even been able to talk with him over what Starscream and I spoke of… Arrrrgh, never enough time in the day._**

Optimus returned a few moments later just as Ratchet was finishing calling out of work and requesting pick up while making a _few_ demands as well. “And make sure to check on the order forms, with Praxus just coming online they are a mess over there. Our last order was missing almost twenty five percent of our requested supplies. Send some mech over there to stare at them if need be, if they keep this up it will be a fragging nightmare to deal with in the future!”

Optimus smiled patiently as the medic finished his rant and list of what he expected everyone to accomplish in his absence, and finally the mech looked up at him, his optics narrowed as he vented painfully. “It is a wonder how they function while I recharge!”

The Prime frowned disapprovingly at his mate, “Ratchet, they are quite capable and to say otherwise is unfair to them.” He said with a small smirk as he handed the smaller mech his energon for the day.

“Yeah well, still…” Ratchet grumbled, his servo going to his forehelm when he noticed Optimus shiver slightly and a flash of pain run through the larger mech’s optics. “Oh no, I hope whatever this is isn’t attacking you too! Maybe after your meeting you should… Wait!? Your meeting! What time is it!? You need to go!”

Optimus nodded slowly, finally finishing his cube as the smaller mech hemmed and hawed next to him. “I am, I am…” He said as he stood, leaning over just for a moment to kiss Ratchet lightly on his dermas before walking back to the door once more. “Please take time to take care of yourself Ratchet. Please? If the medic tells you to rest, do so. I, I would be lost without you, Ratchet.”

The medic looked up at his mate, his optics dim with sickness but wide with worry. “I would be lost without you as well, Optimus. Be careful today. Keep your helm, I will be fine, but you worry about you!”

The Prime smiled, putting on his usual mask of perfection before nodding his helm, “I will, I love you Ratchet. I shall return as swiftly as I can.”

His love nodded as well, lying back on their berth as he left, and closed the door behind him. For a moment Optimus just stood there, calming his worried spark and easing his thoughts as his battlemask slid forwards, his shoulders squared and he walked towards the hall.

**_I hope he is all right, and I hope he listens. There is so much going on these days the last things he needs is to not care for himself, and that I cannot even be there for him today…Why was he so worried? He seemed almost panicked over me not going to the meeting. Arrgh, I will talk with him once I make it home again. Poor mech, Primus… Just keep him safe for me, please? Watch over him when I am pulled away._ **

……………….

The trip to Iacon Prison was uneventful for the most part. It was still early morning so not too many citizens hindered his arrival. He didn’t hate conversing with them, but he was far too bogged down by his own chaos to really engage with anyone at the moment.

As he walked up the long stairs into the prison he felt his spark tighten nervously as he thought about seeing Megatron. The last time he had seen the mech was just before he left for his trip to gain the All Spark. It had taken far longer than he had anticipated retrieving the relic, and when he returned he discovered a far different Cybertron than the one he left.

Far more Cybertronians had arrived by then, and the renovations of Cybertron were well underway. Iacon was nearly complete, Praxus and the Crystal city were getting there, even Kaon was being worked upon, well, as one of the largest Penitentiaries Cybertron had ever seen, much to the disdain of many old Decepticons. All of this was happening under the rule of the newly organized council that, when he had _left_ was ruled over by Magnus but when he returned, Sentinel had taken over it all.

He didn’t blame Magnus for stepping down, Sentinel did hold far more sway than he, especially with many of the senior Autobot commanders, but that the older mech could just sweep in and take over… It rubbed Optimus the wrong way.

Not only had the mech chosen the first council members all on his own, besides Starscream, and Magnus, but he had retracted Optimus’s original agreement with Megatron on exile being the punishment for the Decepticons that would not concede.

Before Sentinel, when it was only a servo full of bots on Cybertron, Megatron had offered himself for imprisonment if his loyal Decepticons could be free to roam the universe, and after many talks Optimus had agreed, with the promise of them helping in some of the restoration of Cybertron first, and the warlord agreed.

It had been a turbulent time, but with the promise of a ship and freedom, most of the Decepticons hadn’t complained too much in having to stay on Cybertron for a bit. They worked separately on settlements under the direction of Megatron while Optimus led his team in restoring Iacon. It had all been working just fine, so well in fact that Optimus had offered Megatron to stay with his followers in their exile… It had been one of the most civil conversations he and Megatron had had, ending with an embrace even and laughter…

Now, getting to that point had been a long hard road, with many fights, and discussions, but in the end it seemed everyone was getting what they wanted, in a way. The Prime knew that having Decepticons that would not fall under the same banner of the new Cybertron could cause another war, and Megatron agreed, thus exile was the best option… Until Sentinel and his council took it all away.

Optimus sighed heavily as the guards checked his I.D. as he entered, not like it was immediately clear who he was, but he didn’t mind the scrutiny. Once he was scanned in, and his weapons systems shut down he was led down a large corridor to where his therapist awaited him. **_Interrogator more like it…_**

As the door opened Optimus’s optics narrowed as he found not only his doctor awaiting him, but Sentinel.

“Ahhh Optimus Prime, welcome.” The therapist said calmly, a strange smile on his faceplates.

“You are late.” Sentinel said gruffly, his optics narrowed as they scanned over the Prime.

“My mate was ill councilor; I had to make sure he was taken care of first. Had _he_ not insisted on me being here, I would have rescheduled.” Optimus said coldly. “What brings you here anyways, Sentinel? Do you not have more important duties to attend to?”

The other mech sneered at him, “I do indeed, _Prime._ I was checking on your progress and making sure you showed up, as was agreed upon.”

“Enforced more like it, councilor. Let’s not mistake that I have no say in any of this.” Optimus retorted, his servos fisting at his side.

“When the _Hero_ of Cybertron halts the execution of her destroyer it raises a few questions _Prime_. All of this is more than fair considering the offense.” Sentinel said with a grin.

“It is not an offense to attempt to preserve life, councilor. Perhaps had you not been hiding from the war so long you would have grown a distaste for it as well.” Optimus said evenly, his optics flashing.

Sentinel grit his denta together tightly, “I did not hide from the war, Prime. The exodus took many of us to different corners of the universe. I was just fortunate enough to choose a path where I was not confronted by it, me and many others in fact.”

“Yes, you have amassed quite a following in your time away. I am certain it must be comforting to have so many of those same mechs on _your_ council.” The Prime spit out, his spark thundering furiously in his chassis.

“Not nearly as much as you have, Prime.  Though saving a planet that your war helped destroy does have its advantages, doesn’t it?” The other mech snarled out.

“It was not my war, though I doubt anything I say will convince you otherwise.” Optimus vented out, his blazing optics going to the silent therapist. “May we begin? I have a sick mate I would like to return to.”

The smaller mech nodded, looking to Sentinel who just waved him off, before moving to the door.

As Optimus turned Sentinel called out to him. “Good luck in there, Optimus. I am certain your old lover is very excited for a visit. He gets so little, healthy company these days.”

The Prime frowned, his optics narrowing as he followed the smaller mech out. **_What are you playing at Sentinel? What do you mean ‘healthy company’?_**

“So, for today I will just be observing from a separate room. He will be chained and in his cell so you are safe from him, and will sit outside as you converse. There is to be no physical contact though, understand?” The small blue mech in front of him said and Optimus grunted in agreement.

There were a few more hallways, barred doors to go through, and finally the doctor stopped him. “He is just through there. There is a chair set out for you. I will be up this corridor in an observation room. This door will be locked just in case _him_ seeing _you_ causes a disturbance.”

Optimus scoffed. **_So they are locking me in with him? What, do they honestly think Megatron will attack me? Fools, all of them._**

He vented heavily as the door before him opened and began his long slow walk down the last hall. As the door closed behind him, and its lock’s resounding click sounded Optimus felt his spark jump. He wasn’t afraid of Megatron, but he was afraid how he would find the other mech.

Was he being treated well? Had being in prison broken him? Was he alright?

The further down the silent hall he went he realized the darker it got, his pede steps clanking against the metal floor loudly as he fought to keep from panicking.

Finally he made it to the end, his optics first going to the metal chair that had been set out for him, and then the dimly cell before it. It was so dark that he couldn’t see anything in the cell, and he narrowed his optics suspiciously. **_Where is he? Is he even in here? Did the council just send me in here to murder me privately?_**

The fact that he was even contemplating that possibility amazed the Prime, and he felt his spark clench tightly within him. **_Have things truly gotten so bad that I think such things about the mechs that are supposed to be ruling Cybertron? Ohhh… Where did we all go so wrong? Are we just to repeat the same mistakes as before? Is all of this for naught?_**

As the gentle jingle of chains sounded from within the cell before him, Optimus froze. “Me-Megatron?” He asked softly yet in the silence of the hall his voice seemed to echo for miles.

There was another clank of chains, and a low growl before two dim red optics appeared in the darkness. “It seems I have you to thank for the continuation of my wretched existence, don’t I, Prime?”

Optimus sighed, his shoulders sagging as he walked a bit closer to the cell. “This was not the way it was supposed to be Megatron, and for that I am sorry.” He said honestly as he sat heavily in the chair, his blue optics lifting to peer at the blazing red ones.

Megatron chuckled, a slight flash of light reflecting off of his fangs for just a moment. “So I have gathered. Being a Prime has its limitations comparably to politicians, and liars.”

Optimus smiled sadly as he nodded, “More of a novelty I think. How are you Megatron, are they treating you and the Decepticons well?”

Megatron grunted and Optimus wasn’t sure if it was a pained sound, or a sarcastic one. “Most of the other Decepticons have been transferred to Kaon’s Penitentiary, seems the precious counsel has no desire to keep filth like us around Iacon any longer than they need to. I am only here because of the promise of my death, something that has been delayed, for now. Is that why you are here? Come to inform me you have changed your mind?"

The Prime sagged further in his seat as he listened to the other mech. It didn't sound like Megatron, not the one he knew, it just sounded like a broken mech, one that had no hope, no anger even, one that was just lost in the web of apathy. "No, quite the opposite actually. They think..." Optimus looked up at the numerous cameras that were placed around the hall, his optics narrowing before turning back to Megatron. "They think that I made the decision to spare you because I was compromised, by Orion, or... Yours and his past, at least."

For a moment the warlord was silent, his optics wide in the shadows he hide in before he began laughing. "Really? Well, that is a tool they would use against the mighty Prime isn't it? First they lie to Orion, force him to take the Matrix, _you_ show up as their weapon and now they are using him as a way to discredit your voice. Fraggin poetry, truly." The former warlord said in disgust. "Jealous of the power you hold, weaklings. Even for politicians this is pathetic."

Optimus scoffed, his optics turning towards the cameras once more. "Thus I am here today to speak to you. I am undergoing an evaluation, therapy if you will to decipher if my choice was because of Orion, they even used what occurred after Unicron as, well bait I suppose."

Megatron coughed, his chains jingling as his frame shook. "Ahhh, I had wondered why now they have brought you to me, or anyone beyond guards for that matter. Though, I assumed you sparing me would not go over well. Still, I suppose it is good to have a chat before my spark is snuffed out by these bastards anyways."

Optimus growled, his frame tensing. “They will not take your spark, Megatron! I may not have much sway, but I am not foolish either. I have been going through the ruins under the Archives looking at the old senates laws. I will find a way to keep our original agreement and get you and your Deceptic…”

“There is no system but Sentinel’s now, Optimus. Do not be a fool, or waste the time fighting it. You will only draw more attention to yourself, besides it is what it is, and I have come to terms with it.” The former warlord said quietly, his optics growing dimmer to where they were hardly visible.

“Megatron…” Optimus started, his denta grinding as his spark burned at the injustice of it all. “No, no I cannot believe that! We, we are just beginning again. There are some strong and intelligent bots in the council. Magnus is reasonable enough, and there is always Starscream. He has done so well there, even if he is the only Decepticon.”

Megatron chuckled in the darkness, “It is good to hear he is… recovering, no thanks to his trine, of course.”

Optimus nodded thoughtfully, “Yes… Yes, but he seems to be using his loss as a motivator to _create._ Who knew Starscream would be the one to bring us together?” The Prime said softly, his helm shaking as he thought of the seeker.

“It was his _loss_ that brought us together, Prime. It was the loss of life, of… Of innocence…” Megatron said darkly, his optics blazing.

The Prime nodded sullenly. “Do you think, had all of that not occurred, that we would have found it in ourselves to stop the war?”

Megatron coughed, his vents sounding oddly ragged as he did so, and Optimus felt his spark ache at the sound. “Probably, once it was created… I am apparently not as evil as even I had hoped to be. Huh, some warlord I am… Or was.”

Optimus smiled grimly, “Well, I think we all have it in us to change, to grow… I look at what that tragedy changed for, for so many and am awed and humbled by the power life can hold.”

“Or the loss of it…” Megatron grated out, coughing once more its wet sickly sound echoing through the hall loudly.

The Prime’s optics narrowed, his optics struggling to zoom in on the warlord when suddenly he noticed the scent of… **_Energon?_**

Optimus stood then, moving closer to the bars before him. “Megatron, are you well? That cough sounds awful…”

“I am in prison, fool. What do you think?” Megatron grated out, coughing more as he did so. "Leave it Prime. Like I said,dealing with these kinds of monsters will only drag you down the road of pain, and agony. They already have their disgusting servos in much of the on-goings in Cybertron, and would not think twice of getting rid of the only truly good mech on Cybertron. Spare yourself my fate, you... You don't deserve it, not as I do." As Megatron groaned painfully Optimus felt his fears grow.

_**He sounds awful, is he hurt? Have they been beating him?** _

“Come into the light, Megatron.” Optimus said, his spark thundering in his chassis.

“Frag off, Prime. You should go, I am tired of talking.” Megatron growled out, his coughs growing in volume when suddenly a spray of energon splattered out along the floor before the Prime, and Optimus felt his spark grow cold. **_What is wrong with him!? What have they done to him!?_**

“Megatron! What is going on!? Why are you coughing up…”

“Prisoner 56XRQ, move forwards as is requested by the Prime.” A strange voice called to them from a hidden speaker, but Megatron just laughed brokenly.

“You can frag off as well!” Megatron said loudly, his optics flashing defiantly.

“Megatron please!? What is going on, are you sick? Why do I smell so much energon!?" Optimus begged, his servos shaking. With each passing moment his fear of Megatron being abused here grew.  _ **But no, they cannot torture prisoners! That, that goes against so many codes of conduct, well, the old ones but still!**_

Megatron looked up at Optimus, his optics widening as he noticed how worried the Prime looked and suddenly something clicked.  _ **Ohhh Prime, you have no idea how much they have it in for you and you are blindly walking right into their trap. Fraggin soft sparked fool. They want you to see what has been done to me, they want you to go all noble and oppose them and then... Then they could use that as proof or you being compromised, by sympathizing with Cybertron's greatest enemy. You fool! Well I will not allow them to use me to destroy you! You are one of the last mechs that hold more power than they do, and Cybertron needs you, as much as it pains me to admit it.**_  

The former warlord suddenly laughed bitterly at his realization. “Frag it all, _that_ is what this was all about. Filthy fraggers. Th-they want to use me, Optimus… They want to use me to destroy y…” Megatron grated out but the speaker thundered over his words.

“MOVE FORWARDS 56XRQ! Or you will _be_ moved!” The voice over the speaker threatened and the Prime spun.

“No! No, it is fine! He doesn’t have t… Arrrgh….” The Prime said desperately when a burst of fire suddenly ripped through his spark and Optimus stumbled forwards.

“Optimus?” Megatron inquired, his pain filled voice sounding oddly concerned, but the Prime could hardly hear him as another wave of agony tore through his spark.

“ARRRRGH….” He groaned, his processor reeling with what could possibly be the cause of his… **_Oh no! RATCHET!?_**

He lifted himself weakly, “Open the doors! I need to leave NOW!” He cried as he stumbled down the long hall.

“Test is not completed, Optimus Prime. You are unable to leave at this time, prisoner 56XRQ ADVANCE!” The wretched speaker crackled out.

“Something is wrong with my mate! You will let me out NOW!” Optimus screamed, rage filling him as he began banging on the door.

“Test is not complete. ADVANCE PRISONER!”

Somewhere behind the Prime he thought he could hear Megatron cry out, but given the amount pain he was in he couldn’t focus. “LET ME OUT RIGHT NOOOW!” Optimus raged, his spark’s pain rippling through his frame like acid. He could hardly vent as wave after wave of fire crashed over him.

Finally the door opened, the Prime stumbling forwards before he began running through the Prison halls, guards and others calling to him as he did so but all he could focus on was getting to Ratchet. Luckily most of the doors he had entered through were still unlocked, and he flew through them, ignoring the yelling guards.

As he finally made it to the exit he tried to open his end of their bond more, to contact his love but all it did was intensify the agony spilling from his mate and he dropped to his knees just outside the prison gates.

Optimus could hear mechs calling to him, and there seemed to be odd flashes and gasps, but they all seemed far away now. He groaned, his spark flaring terribly as he fell forwards. Bots cried out as he  collapsed, his helm cracking against the metal steps hard before everything went dark.


	3. Wonders of Purity and Disgrace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but I have more... But I wanted the terrible message to be noticed. Even in a world of heroes, villains wear many guises...

“Optimus, Optimus... Wake up love.”

Optimus groaned, his frame slowly rebooting as he heard Ratchet call to him sweetly. “R-Ratchet?” He mumbled out, his optics slowly coming online and he cracked them open just a bit before shutting them tightly as a brilliantly bright light assaulted them.

His helm was killing him, especially on the right side, and the pain throbbed wretchedly as he tried to understand where he was and what had happened to him. **_I, I was in the prison… I was talking with Megatron, he was bleeding, why was he bleeding? Wait, then I left, I left because…_**

“RATCHET!” He called out, his optics flying open as he sat up his spark hammering in his chassis.

“I am alright now, Optimus. Calm down.” His love’s voice called to him, but he still couldn’t see the mech for the bright lights, and he felt nauseous as his aching processor whirled.

“Ratchet, what h-happened?” He moaned out, his frame shivering as he fought from emptying his tanks, finally the light that blinded him became less intense and he looked around to find a handful of mechs sitting around his berth. He was obviously in one of the med center’s exam rooms, but how he had gotten here he wasn’t sure.

He felt a servo reach for him, and he looked to his left to find Ratchet sitting next to him, the smaller mech sitting comfortably in a gyro-chair as he scanned over Optimus’s white looking faceplates. “You should sit back, that wound on your helm is pretty bad. You look like you may purge.”

Optimus nodded, immediately regretting it as the world spun around him, and he lowered himself back down to the berth slowly. “Ratchet… I felt…” He looked over at the smaller mech, his field flaring with his worry and love for the mech, and he felt Ratchet’s flare back, emitting his appreciation, but a sense of calm, and excitement at the same time.

“I know, and I am sorry for that, had I kept up with my own checkups this wouldn’t have happened.” The medic said sheepishly, his helm turning to the glairing Knockout.

Optimus turned, finally noticing who else was in the room with them. He saw Knockout standing at the end of his berth a datapad in servo as he scanned over it, Jazz sat recharging in one of the corner chairs, and Arcee and Bumblebee looked at him with hardly contained smiles on their faceplates.

“Yes, well I suppose being mate to the Prime has its stresses.” Knockout said as he sighed, moving to the other side of Optimus’s berth to look over the screens there. “You look well enough Prime, of course once certain procedures are implemented though…”

Optimus peered over at the red medic, his optics narrowing, “Procedures?”

Knockout glanced at Ratchet who nodded to him and the red mech smiled, “I will let Ratchet explain. Just make sure to rest, that hit to your helm was fairly terrible. I have prescribed some pain capsules, so be aware they can be fairly strong, so no driving, or working after taking them.”

Optimus tilted his helm, turning to his mate as he patiently waited to filled in on what had happened. Ratchet smiled at him, looking towards their guests for a moment, “Ahh, can we have a minute?”

Arcee and Bumblebee nodded, the yellow mech leaning over to wake Jazz. He gently placed his servo on the mech’s shoulder giving it just a tiny shake before the black mech was out of his chair with a battle cry.

“ARRRGH! FRAGG… Fragg…ers?” Jazz blinked, scanning over the shocked faceplates that looked at him as he stood in his battle stance venting hard. “Oh. Sorry all. Still recovering from the… OH! Prime! Ya awake, mech!” Jazz said happily, his smile widening. “Ah’ guess congratulations are in or…”

“Shut up, Jazz!” Arcee hissed out, and the black mech peered over at her in confusion.

Prime looked between the two of them, his throbbing helm not helping his growing sense of loss. “Congratulations?” He asked, peering over to the now scowling Ratchet.

Jazz frowned, “Ya haven’t told him yet? Well how the frag was Ah’ supposed ta know!?” He said in surprise, his arms crossing over his chest plates indignantly.

Ratchet swung his arms up in exasperation. “Honestly Jazz! Can you not keep your fragging intake shut for one fragging klik?” The medic growled out, and Optimus blinked at his mate’s frustration.

“What is it Ratchet?” Optimus asked, his spark hammering nervously as Arcee grabbed Jazz and began draggin him from the room.

“Don’t worry Ratchet. I got him.” She said dryly as Jazz protested, claiming his innocence all the way out to the hall. Bumblebee and Knockout followed, the yellow mech stopping to give the befuddled Prime a pair of thumbs up before Knockout pushed him out of the room and shut the door.

Optimus turned back to his mate, watching as Ratchet sighed loudly. “Ratchet?” He inquired gently, trying to keep the fear from his voice when the smaller mech smiled up at him.

“I am alright, really, Optimus. It is my fault really, and I am sorry this hit us so… Unexpectedly.” He rubbed the back of his helm, the Prime noticing how his love’s servo shook slightly as he did so, but he remained silent as the mech gathered the right words.

“Ummm, so…” Ratchet started, an apprehensive smile on his faceplates. “So I haven’t been feeling well for the last few weeks but I really just thought it was all the stress of the council and such.”

Optimus frowned at the smaller mech, guilt filling his spark as he realized he hadn’t even noticed his mate’s problems until he had a fever. “Ratchet, forgive me. I have been so busy with this nonsense, I didn’t even realize.” He said quietly, rubbing at his aching helm.

The white and orange mech laughed off his concern with a dismissive wave of his servos. “It wasn’t awful really, just small fever, or nausea.” His look turned stern as he saw that all too familiar layer of guilt fill Optimus’s optics. “No! No you don’t! Don’t start blaming yourself, Optimus, I won’t have it. You have been under an immense amount of stress and I won’t have you adding this to…”

“BUT YOU ARE MY MATE!” Optimus said loudly, his spark raging in his chest as he berated his ignorance of his love’s sickness. He groaned, watching Ratchet’s optics dim at the level of his voice and he felt another layer of guilt fill him. “I, forgive me Ratchet.” He said quietly, his helm dropping to his chestplates as he tried to control his emotions. **_What is getting into me? This is the second time I have yelled in front of him. Perhaps this mess with the council truly is eating at me…_**

Ratchet vented, waiting as Optimus collected himself. He was worried for his mate, worried about all the stress he already had on his shoulders and now to be the one to add to it. “Optimus, it is alright. You have been under a lot of stress, we both have, and normally when creator protocols are even in the beginning states, emotions can run high.”

Optimus sighed shaking his helm shamefully, “That is no excuse Ratchet, I should never yell like… Wait, what?” He asked, his spark suddenly freezing as his throbbing processor finally caught up with what the medic had said. He looked up, his optics widening as he saw the timid but excited look on his mate’s faceplates. “Did, did you say c-creator protocols?” He stammered out, his vents stuck in his chassis as Ratchet’s optics glistened and he nodded.

“Yes, Optimus I am carrying.” Ratchet said quietly, his own spark hammering as he looked over Optimus’s shocked faceplates.

For a moment Optimus didn’t say anything, his spark and processor seeming to lag over the information that had been presented to him. It was strange in a way, he had dealt with shock, and chaos all of his life and yet now in a moment where the shock was actually a good thing, actually wondrous news, he felt frozen and numb.

“C-carrying, a s-sparkling?” He asked stupidly and Ratchet looked over him worriedly.

“Uh, yes. A sparkling.” The medic repeated, pulling his field tight as he began to fret. **_Oh no, what if Optimus doesn’t want it? He already has so much going on! I knew it, damnit it all. There is too much going on for a family now! I shouldn’t have, I didn’t mean to…_**

The medic felt his optics burn as doubts flew through his helm, “Is, is that ok?” He asked weakly, his optics continuing to fill with tears, and he cursed the Carrier programs for his emotional instability.

Optimus blinked at the smaller mech, his optics going to his mate’s tears. Seeing his love begin to cry and hearing him ask if it was ok for him to be sparked seemed to finally awaken him from his stupor and jumped from the berth with a cry of utter joy.

Ratchet yelped as Optimus jumped at him, his long arms encircling him as he lifted him from his chair. “You y-you aren’t mad?” Ratchet asked brokenly and Optimus laughed, its rich deep sound echoing through the room like the sound of soothing rain.

“Mad!? Primus, Ratchet I… I…” Optimus laughed, a small sob escaping as his emotions ran high. “I LOVE YOU! I love our sparkling! I love our family!” He held his mate close, cradling him now as he touched his helm to the smaller mech’s. “Ratchet, I am so blessed by you my mate, my love and now… Now you give me this… Gods…”

Ratchet looked up, amazed to find Optimus’s faceplates covered in tears and he laughed as he blushed, “I love you, Optimus. I know now isn’t the easiest of times so… I was afraid…”

Optimus pulled back, his faceplates growing serious. “Ratchet, please never fear with me. Never…” He lowered his helm, his wet dermas brushing against his mech’s gently.

Ratchet cried, his shaking servos lifting to Optimus’s helm as he pulled him closer, and for a moment it was only them, well them and their unborn sparkling. The medic gasped, his frame heating up as their kiss deepened. “Uhhh, Optimus…” He started, yet as Optimus continued to kiss his helm, his cheeks, his lips he laughed as he couldn’t get a word in.

Finally Optimus pulled back, suddenly afraid he was hurting his mate, but Ratchet just beamed up at him, and he smiled back. “Forgive me…” Optimus said with a chuckle, his helm nuzzling close to the smaller mech as he lowered himself to his berth, still cradling Ratchet tightly to his chest.

Ratchet sighed, his field opening as his fears ebbed. “I love you Optimus, so very much.”

The Prime grinned, his optics crinkling with joy. “And I you Ratchet, so… How long? How long have we been ignoring this?”

His love’s optics dimmed guilty, “Well it seems it has been over a month now. What caused that terrible pain was well, first I haven’t been taking the supplements I should be, second we have only interfaced once since conception, so my gestation chamber hasn’t been nearly as prepared as it should have been. What caused the attack was the spark separating from mine, unfortunately into a very unprepared circumstance.”

Optimus felt his spark skip fearfully, “Is it alright!? Are you alright?” He asked nervously, scanning over the smaller mech madly.

“It is underdeveloped but alright, well… They are. Umm, we are expecting twin sparks.” Ratchet said sheepishly, his optics rising slowly to his mate’s.

Optimus’s optics bulged for just a moment before he began laughing again, “I see, well the more the merrier.” He said softly, and Ratchet smiled back at him.

The couple laughed together, enjoying the simple wonderful moment. “Let me know anything that you may need from me Ratchet, you and these sparklings are my world, and nothing will keep me from caring for you.” Optimus said seriously, he helm snuggling against his mate's as he inhaled deeply, again amazed at how sweet his scent was these days, and he wondered if it had to do with him carrying.

Ratchet nodded, “Well there will be a few things, but given how late I am already in the first trimester, almost to the second really, our biggest concern would be providing them the right nutrients, including transfluid and medical grade energon. Our creators programming has been late to activating, probably because of the stress, so we will have it activated manually, or pushed along manually. It obviously has begun, but not at the rate it should.”

Optimus hummed as he continued to nuzzle his mate’s neck, recording whatever Ratchet was saying so that he would have it for future reference. His love continued in his list of things they would need to do, and Optimus listened diligently reveling in how something he thought would be a tragedy was now turning into something so incredible.

**_Thank you Primus, thank you for these gifts. Thank you for my family… I will keep them safe, I will keep them close, and treasure every moment I have with them. It is a dream come true, and I aim to fight for it._ **

**_…………………_ **

“Tell me again, why were there camera crews at the prison?” Sentinel asked gruffly, his frame stomping through his office as he looked at the mechs before him.

Pharma scoffed as he rolled his optics, he knew he had no reason to be called into this meeting, but Sentinel had insisted all the members of the upper council be present. “Obviously there was a leak about the meeting.” He said in a bored tone, shifting in his chair as held his helm up with his servo.

“Probably that pathetic Decepticon, Starscream.” One mech said and Sentinel and Pharma looked darkly at the mech.

“Starscream wasn’t even privy to that information, Trepan.” Pharma said and the other mech growled at him.

“It isn’t Trepan anymore fool, it is _Victus_. I didn’t spend numerous vorns upgrading and changing my armour so that you could ruin my cover in a klik with that flapping intake of yours.” The mech now known as Victus spit out angrily, but Pharma merely huffed and looked away.

Sentinel rubbed his faceplates roughly, his optics going to the last mech that currently held a position in his inner circle. “What do you think, Lux?” He asked, pulling the shadowy figure from the window he was currently staring at.

The mech named Lux vented in, turning his great helm to look at the mechs before him carefully. Out of all the mechs in the room they all knew he held the most power, but much like Trepan, or Victus now, he had had to change his appearance and designation before returning to Cybertron. He wasn’t as sore about it as Victus, he understood what would be needed to regain his status, and was more than willing to do what it took to see his ascension through to the end.

“I am not uncertain it was not Starscream. He is excessively clever, and I feel to underestimate him would be a fatal mistake.” He said quietly, his deep voice rolling over the over mechs like thunder.

Sentinel nodded, “Well, what should we do with him? As of yet we cannot touch him, and I have heard the fragger wants to bring Shockwave into the council.”

Lux nodded, his helm turning back to the window. “That should be allowed. To do otherwise would cause more dissension through the Decepticon populace. Shockwave is not so much politically motivated as more interested in controlling and growing the scientific community within Cybertron, I hardly think he will be a problem.”

Victus snarled, his optics blazing. “I should be the head of such entities, Lux! I have been saying so much for far too long!”

Lux turned his helm slowly back to the smaller mech, his now red optics blazing as he stared at the other mech. “You are under cover Victus. To be in control of any programs that even remotely resemble your past could put that cover at risk, thus why you deal with financial management.” He said darkly, his voice leaving no room for argument.

Victus scoffed but remained silent.

Lux stood and walked over to the window, his optics reflecting in the glass as he looked out over Cybertron. “We have done well thus far, my friends, but we cannot allow ourselves to become impatient in the last stretch. With the Prime’s mate now being sparked it has now become even more of a task to discredit him, the public shall devour the news like starving mechs do raw energon. We must be vigilant.” He vented out, watching the lights of Cybertron begin to come to life as night fell over the planet.

“It would not be so terrible to have it all caught on camera, in fact.” He mused, his processor reeling with the possibilities that could entail. “Yet, the circumstances would have to be perfect. We would need to create an unstable environment on the outside before we bring him back to Megatron. Break him slowly, after all…” He smiled wickedly as he turned towards the gathered council members. “You know how emotional Sire programming can make a mech.”

Sentinel smiled with his leader, “What do you have in mind, Lux?”

The hulking mech chuckled, his optics flashing. “Sentinel, let us sit. The rest of you shall have your parts to play, but for now Sentinel and I must speak alone.”

Victus and Pharma stood, both bowing to Lux before leaving the room. The remaining two mechs sat down opposite from one another in the dimly lit office.

Lux sighed thoughtfully, his helm turning back to the window, his optics narrowing as he spied the massive statue of Optimus Prime that lie in the center of the city. “Tell me Sentinel, how is young Hot Rod progressing?”

Sentinel chuckled, his optics following where his leader was looking and he smirked. “Oh he truly is loyal to the Prime, one would even say captivated.”

Lux nodded, his denta gleaming as he smiled broadly. “Excellent, most excellent. Let us send him to his _hero_. I am certain the Prime could use all the help he can get these days. It will be good for the young mech to be close in these trying times.”

Sentinel bowed his helm to his leader, "Yes, we all need help now and then, don't we?"

Lux smiled, his spark and processor burning with promise. "Yes, yes we do..." He said quietly, his optics blazing as they glared hatefully at the statue. "We do indeed."


	4. Peace and Worries...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am certain there are some that wish I would work on my other stories beyond this one haha, but I am so excited where this one will go. NOT that I am not with the others. This will indeed get heavy, but in a beautifully, and painfully poetic way. Sigh... I have always wanted to do a Ratchet and Optimus tale... Oh... So anyways, I hope you enjoy this peaceful moment, before they step into the outside world once more. They are so fraggin cute...

It was a few more breems before Optimus and Ratchet were finally released from the clinic, each with numerous bags and supplies for them to consume and such. By the time they finally made it to the shuttle station, poor Ratchet was yawning terribly, his frame shivering as it did early that morning and Optimus looked down at his love nervously.

“Are you well, Ratchet?” He asked gently, shifting the numerous bags he held as he scanned over the smaller mech’s pale faceplates.

“I am alright. The sooner we get home the better, I think.” Ratchet said with a weak smile. He could have stayed in the clinic for the night but he realized all he wanted to do was curl up with his mate safe in their own home. Plus, once he had fully activated their creator programming he knew it would be rather uncomfortable, especially for Optimus as the mech truly had no idea what the software would activate in his core system.

Because of the stress they had both been going through it had stunted the natural progression of the Carrier and Sire programs and to manually push it along would be shocking. Now as Ratchet was a medic he had natural defenses of becoming overwhelmed by it, but Optimus, well he wasn’t sure how the mech would handle it.

So far Optimus hadn’t shown even the slightest bit of Sire protocols, then again Optimus was an unusual mech anyways. Where the Sire programming was meant to instill a more protective sense of being, Optimus was always protective of, well everyone. Also his libido hadn’t seemed anymore heightened than normal, the fact that they hadn’t fragged, before yesterday, since he had conceived was very strange.

Normally the need to interface would also be heightened within both the Carrier and Sire as the growing young needed the transfluids to develop. That and constant merges were required to help give the Carrier energy supplements, and again both mechs had not felt the drive to do so, yet Ratchet wondered if it was really just because of the stress that all of this had been dormant in them both.

His concern came with Optimus being a Prime, as far as he understood no true Prime had ever mated and the implications that being a Matrix barer could inadvertently change the natural process of sparkling development was possible.

Even now looking at his mate he realized that neither of them had had a heightened draw towards one another other than their normal concerns, and love. It was confusing to say the least.

Finally the shuttle arrived, both Optimus and Ratchet relieved by its presence as the two weary mechs stepped aboard. Normally Optimus would have just transformed and driven them to their apartment, but as he had just taken some of his pain capsules, Ratchet had insisted upon them taking the shuttle.

As the couple entered the small ship every mech aboard suddenly fell to silence as they entered, each staring at Optimus and oddly enough Ratchet as they walked to the back. There were whispers, and quick hushes yet still everyone watched them.

Ratchet groaned in exhaustion, too tired to growl at their audience, but he was surprised as he heard a rumble of disapproval come from Optimus.

He looked up at the mech as he sat in the furthest seat, his optics questioning as his love sat next to him, the larger mech moving in close, his battlemask firmly in place as he scanned over the other bots and suddenly Ratchet wondered if he had been wrong about Optimus’s Sire programming not coming online at all.

Luckily none of them approached the pair, and soon the tired mechs on the shuttle ignored them, much to Ratchet’s relief. He sighed, his frame sagging as he leaned against Optimus and shuttered his optics. It had been a very long and pain filled day.

He had waited for his escort to the med bay after Optimus left for his session, with each klik feeling worse and worse until finally there was a knock at the door. By the time he was nearly to the clinic his vents had gotten so ragged the medic in the transport with him had placed him on numerous machines to keep an optic on his systems.

It wasn’t until he had finally gotten to his med room that the pain had started in his chest and after a few moments of agony, he had gone into emergency stasis. When he awoke Knockout had some very interesting and surprising news for him, but also told him how Optimus had collapsed outside of the prison because of it all.

He had immediately insisted upon seeing his mate, but poor Optimus had evidently also given himself a slight concussion when he fell, so the larger mech was still unconscious when they arrived. Ratchet had sat there with his mate, nervously ringing his servos as he thought about all the possible reactions Optimus might have to the news. If he was completely honest with himself he had to admit he was terrified Optimus might suggest aborting the sparks.

Not that Optimus would ever willingly give up on sparklings, but given what they were going through recently, and still had on their shoulders, having sparklings now would be a terrible idea. Ratchet wasn’t even sure how they would manage now that they had chosen to keep them.

He was one of the head medics at Iacon’s medical facility, and Optimus was… Well the Prime, the Prime under investigation no less. They could call the therapy sessions whatever they wanted but Ratchet and Optimus both knew they were more than they appeared.

The medic opened his optics and lifted his helm, smiling as he noticed Optimus had been watching him as he rested. “Hey, how did today go?” He asked wearily.

Optimus sighed, his helm turning away for a moment, “It was ended rather abruptly, but from what I saw…” He turned back to his mate, his optics narrowing as his voice dropped low. “I am concerned Ratchet. I could smell so much energon, and he was coughing terribly. I think they are abusing him.”

Ratchet lifted his helm, his exhaustion leaving him as worry took its place. “Abusing? But, but they can’t…” He started but when he thought of the crooks running the council these days he wasn’t truly certain anything could be beyond them to enforce.

Optimus scoffed, his helm nodding as he looked down at his lap. “Indeed, it shouldn’t be allowed, but with the council being under Sentinel I am afraid anything could be permitted.” He sighed once more, his shoulders hanging as he shook his helm. “I need to do something about all of this! I cannot allow such things to fall apart so early in the restoration of Cybertron. So far the New Council hasn’t over stepped their bounds, but I give it only a matter of time before…”

The Prime stopped suddenly, feeling his mate’s fear run through him like fire, and he looked over at the smaller mech. “I, I am sorry Ratchet. Let us speak of all this nonsense tomorrow. It has been a long day for both of us. Let’s bask in the wonder of our newly discovered sparklings tonight.”

Ratchet felt bad for letting his fear leak, but it seemed he was having a harder time controlling his emotional state, in more than one way. He had been fairly certain he had pulled his field tight, but even that didn’t stop his worry for Optimus bleeding through. “You, you are right. I am sorry Optimus. I am just worried. The council seems to have their optics on you and now they have one more weakness to poke at or use, me.”

Optimus growled quietly, his optics blazing as he peered protectively down at his mate. “They will never touch you, Ratchet. I swear.”

The medic’s optics grew wide at the intensity in Optimus’s optics and voice but he shook his helm. “They may not touch me, but they can use me, our state to their advantage. Once your Sire programming has started your emotions will be even more chaotic than they already are. You will have to be vigilant in your control of them.” Ratchet said seriously, his spark fluttering nervously when suddenly he jumped a bit as the two sparks within him fluttered back.

Optimus looked over him, his optics wide with concern when suddenly he smiled and placed his servos over his chest plates. “Was, was that them?” He whispered, his optics blazing with awe.

Ratchet nodded, a smile forming on his faceplates as well, “Haha, yes, yes it was.”

Optimus’s battlemask slid away as he brought his helm down and kissed Ratchet softly, both reveling in the pulses of their family’s sparks. “I love you Ratchet, and I will do everything in my power to protect you.” Optimus said gruffly, the scent of his mate catching him as he snuggled his helm closer.

Ratchet’s optics bulged as he heard a rumble come from his mate, and he scanned the transport to see if any other mech was watching them, so far they seemed safe. **_Maybe his programming has activated to some point?_**

He suppressed a moan as Optimus suddenly kissed his neck cabling, and pulled himself back much to Optimus’s disappointment. “Optimus…” He scolded, yet there was a playful, if not wanting smile on his faceplates as he looked over at the slighted Prime. “We are almost home, mech. Just be patient.”

Optimus smiled back at him, sighing as he nodded. “Yes, yes…I shall be good.” He said begrudgingly, forcing himself to sit back, his battlemask snapping back into place.

Ratchet chuckled, he was surprised by Optimus’s eagerness, but also thrilled with it. He could only imagine how the mech might be once the stunted protocols were finally brought online how his love might act, of course, that came with a bit of fear as well.

**_Oh Optimus, of all the times to be in a situation where your emotions are going to be in a heightened state… Please Primus, let us just enjoy our creations, let us enjoy this time, please?_ **

………………….

Once they finally made it home, Optimus shouldered all of their packages as Ratchet grumbled that he wasn’t feeble, and they made their way to their quarters without incident. Once inside both mechs sighed, the joy at being alone and not the center of attention bleeding from their tense frames as they set about their usual nightly routines.

Optimus filled their energon cooler as Ratchet set up the supplements and such for easy access, then moving to the couch to set up the wiring and datapads to start the Sire and Carrier programs. As his love busied himself with washing their used cubes, Ratchet uploaded his own.

It didn’t take too long to download, and once completed he sat for a bit wondering if he would feel any changes. Again, being a medic normally lessened the effects, much like it did with heats, or even pain tolerance, but as of yet he felt nothing different.

“Optimus, why don’t we upload the programming now, it may take a bit to settle in, and I would rather do it now considering you have another session bright and ear…” Ratchet started but Optimus’s voice interrupted him.

“I pushed my _session_ back to the afternoon. I want to spend the morning with you.” The Prime said as he moved to the other side of the couch and sat down.

Ratchet looked at him worriedly but the larger mech merely smiled. “In my opinion they can all frag themselves, Ratchet.” He said simply, and Ratchet laughed at his mate’s unusual use of less than _noble_ vocabulary.

“I see.” The medic said with a smirk as he plugged the cord into Optimus’s medical port and began the upload. “You should still be cautious with these sessions, Optimus. I know things are going to be different, but it is important we don’t forget the other chaos as well.”

Optimus nodded, his optics flickering slightly as the code was activated. “I understand that Ratchet, but you and _my family_ come first.” He groaned slightly as the program finished, his processor working through the new directives and filtering the information to its proper destinations.

Once the upload was complete, Ratchet unplugged the cord and looked up at his love curiously. “There, feel any different?”

Optimus frowned, waiting for something to suddenly spark online within him, but after a few kliks he just shrugged. “Perhaps it takes a while? What will I need to expect beyond being an emotional wreck?” He asked playfully as he leaned back on the couch.

Ratchet wrapped the cables up as he thought, “Well, you shouldn’t become an emotional wreck per say, but you will feel far more protective over me, not like you don’t already.” He said, giving his love a very pointed look, but Optimus seemed to take it as a compliment, and he just rolled his optics. “Also umm, our connection should grow, our bond will be stronger. We will need to merge sparks more often, and of course there is the distribution of transfluid. You will be producing more of that than normal as well, by the way.”

Ratchet laughed as Optimus’s engine revved slightly at that, “Hahaha, I think I am going to enjoy this new side of you, Optimus.” He said with a chuckle, placing the wires down on their table before curling up next to his mate, sighing as Optimus draped his long arm over him and pulled him close.

Optimus chuckled, leaning his helm back as his mask fell away. “We don’t give ourselves enough time together anyways. Perhaps it will be a good thing to get closer before the little ones are created.”

Ratchet nodded, “Well, that is the basic core of the programming anyways, to protect one another and strengthen our bonds so that we can better care for our young. You know, this is the first case of in frame insemination since… Well, it will make the news, is all.”

Optimus groaned, shaking his helm as he did so. “When has anything I have done not been all over the news? I saw my fall on the holovids all over the medical building.”

The medic nodded once more, “As did I. I am sorry Optimus. How is your helm anyways?” He asked, lifting his frame up so that he could peer at the wound. He knelt on the couch so that he could see above the larger mech, his frame close as he lifted some of the bandages.

Optimus sat still as his lover examined him, “It is far better now with the help of those pain capsules. I am surprised as I don’t… Ummm, I don’t feel…”

Ratchet tilted his helm, curious as to why Optimus had stopped talking when suddenly he felt the larger mech snuggle his helm against his torso, a small moan coming from the mech as he moved his servos up and pulled the medic closer to him. “Uhh, Optimus. Stop moving, I can’t…”

His love groaned, it was a long guttural sound as he inhaled deeply. “Ratchet… You, your scent…” Optimus grated out roughly, his servos slowly rubbing over the smaller mech as he continued to nuzzle his helm against Ratchet’s abdominal plating.

“My scent? Oh… OHHHH!” Ratchet laughed, resetting the bandages as he realized what his mate was talking about. “Yes, commonly known as the Carrier’s scent. It happens to all bots when they are expecting. Helps others know that… Uhhhh! Optimus!”

The medic squirmed as the Prime suddenly lowered his helm, his glossa slipping out as he slowly licked along the smaller mech’s chassis. “Ha, so much for taking a while to… Unnnn… Frag… Optimus!” He gasped as the larger mech pulled him closer, forcing Ratchet’s hips forward as he ducked his helm lower and began to lick at his modesty panel.

“Ratchet…” Optimus growled out, his frame heating as he licked at his mate. He wasn’t sure if it was the programming leading him or not but honestly he didn’t care. All he knew was how magnificent Ratchet smelt, how handsome he was, and how he was carrying his young… “Arrrgh…” He moaned, his servos pushing the smaller mech back so he was lying on the couch.

Ratchet laughed, his optics widening as he watched Optimus settle himself on the floor, turning the medic’s frame so his legs could be placed over his shoulders before burrowing his helm back between his legs.

“Optimus…” Ratchet moaned out, his valve panel finally moving aside and he cried out as Optimus’s gloriously long glossa entered his port. He lifted his helm, eagerly watching as Optimus’s helm bobbed between his thighs, the Prime’s thick wet appendage swirling and pumping in and out of him madly. “Uhhhh, frag! Yesss! UNNNN!”

Optimus vented raggedly, his frame on fire as he licked at his lover’s nectar. He felt drunk off the scents and taste of his mate, his entire reality dissolving into pleasing this mech, into becoming one with him. He dug his glossa in deep, making sure to press against all the right nodes as his engine revved loudly. He couldn’t think straight, but he didn’t need to, for now they were safe, they were together, and that was all that mattered.

“Uhhhh, uhhhh, Optimus! Love! Let’s… UNNNNNN! Let’s make it to the… arrrgh.. THE BERTH DAMNIT!” Ratchet finally strangled out his words, but as he went to stand Optimus growled at him, his servos pressing him back down as he forced his helm deeper between the smaller mech’s legs.

Ratchet was surprised by the ferocity of the other mech, but felt his charge build at the sight. Optimus had always been a passionate lover, but to see him lose control like this, to see him take control like this…

“UHHHH! FRAG! Op-OPtimusssss!” He hissed out, his frame bucking against his lover’s faceplates as his valve dripped lewdly all over the couch and down Optimus’s chin. He felt his charge continue to grow in strength, its energy crackling across his frame, small pops of electricity sounding as he jerked and rutted against the larger mech’s faceplates.

Ratchet leaned down, his servos going Optimus’s helm as he lightly caressed his lover’s sensitive audial finials. He smiled as Optimus whimpered against his valve, the larger mech obviously fighting from pushing into Ratchet’s touch or keeping his intake pressed tight to his mate’s sopping port.

The medic made the decision for him as he pulled Optimus’s helm harder against him, but continued rubbing the beautifully long finials roughly. He gasped as his love whimpered louder, delighting in the command he too could hold over one so powerful.

“Uhhhh, yess. Optimus, Optimus I… UNNNN, UNNNN! YESSS! Now, NOW PLEASE! DIGITS!” Ratchet begged, his legs widening as Optimus lifted his servo up, removing his glossa as he wiggled two digits into his love.

“ARRRRGH! FRAAAAG!” Ratchet’s helm fell back and he gripped at the couch wildly as Optimus pumped his servo into him over and over again, the Prime growling as he scanned over his mate’s writhing form.

“You are beautiful, Ratchet.” He whispered gruffly, his optics blazing as he felt the smaller mech’s charge increase. “Our sparklings are going to be so beautiful, just like their Carrier.”

Ratchet whimpered now, his optics glistening as he listened to his mate’s loving words. “I… I lov-love you! Uhhhh, Uhhhhh, OHHHHH, OHHH OPTIMUS! UNNNNNN, YESSSSSSS!” Finally his charge rippled up from his lower chassis and the medic howled as his back arched and he overloaded hard!

Lubricant spurted from his valve as it sucked Optimus’s servo in deeper, the hidden calipers and gears clenching madly as wave after wave of pleasure tore through him, and he collapsed beneath the power of it all.

Optimus growled, lifting his frame from his knees as he carefully picked his mate’s heaving frame up from the couch, and cradled him close as he moved them to their berth.

“I love you Ratchet, I love you so fragging much.” Optimus moaned out, lovingly, reverently laying his lover down before crawling over the mech. His spike was so full and hard it ached under his panel, so when he finally sent the command to slide his modesty cover aside he gasped as his dripping spike fell out. It was hot and heavy, eager to give his mate the transfluid he would need to help develop their young.

The very thought of Ratchet’s frame being heavy with his offspring did something to the Prime he never realized he ever lusted for, and a bestial groan ripped from his vocalizer as he placed the tip of his shaft against the steaming heat of his lover’s valve, and slowly pushed in.

“ARRRRGH, GODS!” Optimus bellowed, his frame shaking as he was enveloped by his love’s still clenching tunnel.

Ratchet moaned raggedly as Optimus entered him, the smaller mech’s intake hanging open as he watched Optimus’s faceplates go through a myriad of expressions with each inch that slipped in.

Finally the Prime was to his hilt and for a moment he just stayed there, his frame trembling as he reveled in the feeling of being one with his mate. He looked down, his optics now dim with need as he smiled down at the smaller mech. “Ratchet…” He groaned out, his spike twitching as he said his love’s designation. To him it sounded like music, and name he would never tire of saying, the name of the mech that held his spark and now his family.

Ratchet blinked weakly up at him, his own smile forming as he shifted his hips slightly. “Frag me.” He said hungrily, his servos going to Optimus’s shoulders as the larger mech pulled back a bit, his spike sliding almost all the way out before, with a yell, thrusting it back in hard.

“ARRRRRRRGH YES!” Ratchet screamed, his frame jerking as Optimus set a grueling pace, his hips slamming into the medic fast and hard. The air was filled with their cries, shameless squelching sounds, and loud clanks at their frames smashed against one another.

Optimus lowered the front of his frame, his arms sliding under Ratchet’s shoulders as he pulled the mech closer with each of his thrusts. “Uhhhh, uhhhh, uhhhh…” He moaned and whimpered, groaned and gasped as he plunged into his love over, and over, and over again.

He couldn’t see straight, or think, all that existed was his love and him. Their fields mingled and danced around them, each filled with love, compassion, fire and hope and the lovers held tightly to one another in the storm they were creating.

Ratchet barely held on as he was used, his frame sending small micro charges through him as a far bigger and more powerful one built. He tucked his helm into the crook of Optimus’s neck, allowing his mate to rut into him wildly as he cried out with every thrust.

He could feel a whirl of gears start deep within him, his Carrier programming working unconsciously to prepare his gestation chamber for the approaching promise of nutrients and he smiled. **_We are going to be a family! I, out of every mech in the universe get to hold Optimus Prime’s family… I love him, and he loves me, frag it all, what did I do to deserve this miracle?_**

Optimus vented heavily, he too could feel some changes occurring within him as his lower frame suddenly filled with weight. It was far more than he was used to and he groaned as he thought about filling his mate with it all. “ARRRRRGH, Ratchet! OHHHH, LOVE! I… I am close!” He grated out, his hips thrusting faster and faster as the heat within him grew to almost painful levels.

Ratchet nodded into his neck, his voice lost in his cries as he lifted his own hips, matching his love’s maddening rhythm. “UUUHHHH, YESS! Please, PLEASE, OPTIMUS! FILL MEEEE!”

Optimus roared, his mate begging to be filled cracking whatever control he had left as his back arched high, his spike thrusting deep, deeper than ever before,  and he cried out as it popped through a hidden ring and erupted. “AAAARRRRRRGHHHHH! RAAAAATCHET!”

Ratchet cried out as well, his frame clenching in climax as Optimus exploded within him. He moaned as he was filled, rope after rope of the life giving transfluid filling his near empty chamber, and soon even his abdominal plating was bulging out from the seemingly gallons of liquid that now sloshed inside of him.

Finally the stream ebbed and both Optimus and Ratchet whimpered weakly, the larger mech collapsing to the side of his mate as he vented madly for air.

Whirling fans, rapid vents, and the clicking of cooling engines were the only sounds that filtered through the air now as both mechs recovered. Ratchet looked down at his chassis, his servo sliding over the small bump there as he laughed.

Optimus lifted his weary helm, looking down at what his mate was laughing at as his optics widened in surprise at the sight. “Oh…” He said quietly, looking up to Ratchet’s flushed faceplates as he smiled apologetically.

Ratchet chuckled some more, his helm leaning back as he shuttered his optics. “I knew it would be more, but frag…” He said lightly, shivering as he felt Optimus’s servo cover his own over the bulge. “I suppose I should get used to it anyways. Can’t keep this trim figure forever.”

Optimus chuckled softly, his helm burrowing into the crook of his mate’s neck as he inhaled deeply. “I cannot wait to see you like that Ratchet. You will be a beautiful Carrier. You _are_ a beautiful Carrier.”

Ratchet sighed his frame relaxing as Optimus pulled him close. He felt so safe here, so warm, and so loved. Every moment with Optimus was a gift, especially the peaceful ones. As he heard his lover’s vents ease and become steady he smiled and peeked over at the mech.

To be able to give Optimus this sense of peace was a gift as well, one he took pride in and treasured. The poor mech was so much to everyone, and for as much as they needed him, not very many ever stopped and asked what _he_ needed. **_Not like he would let them help anyways… Stubborn as they come this one._**

Ratchet scoffed, realizing between the two of them they were a force of stubbornness to be reckoned with, and if their sparklings were anything like them… **_Oh Primus help us… We are doomed!_**

………………………………….

Optimus woke late in the morning the next day, his tanks rumbling hungrily as he tried to stay snuggled close to his mate, but as Ratchet’s frame also rumbled he smiled and slowly, carefully made his way from the berth, making sure to wrap his love tightly in blankets before he left.

His smile didn’t leave him as he made his way through their apartment, and he even found himself humming as he began to warm some of the medical grade energon for his love, some mid-grade for himself.

As the liquid warmed he walked over to the window, hitting the code to disable the blackout hologram and allow the twin suns’ light to pour into the room. **_It is beautiful today…_**

His smiled widened as he looked down on the awakening city. To be here on Cybertron, rebuilding it all, and starting a family, it was like a dream come true, and dream he had never imagined for himself, and that made it all the more special.

A soft beeping sounded behind him and he turned to retrieve the prepared energon, but as he approached his faceplates scrunched at the terrible scent Ratchet’s was emitting. **_Poor mech has to drink this?_**

He frowned, feeling awful that he got to drink normal energon when Ratchet had to consume this _sludge_ when suddenly he had an idea. He grabbed a small plate, humming happily to himself as he went back to the energon cooler and grabbed the bag of treats they had gotten the other day.

He pulled out a few rust sticks for himself, and a couple of the oil pastries, arranging them neatly on the plate before grabbing a tray and placing the energon and treats upon it before making his way back to the berth room.

As he nudged the door open he noticed Ratchet groaning miserably, the mech evidently smelling his energon, and he glared at Optimus unhappily before hiding his helm under the covers. “Not hungry.” He mumbled out stubbornly, Optimus laughing as the other mech’s tanks rumbled loudly right after he said it.

“Come now, Ratchet. Do not act poorly. We need to be the examples for our sparklings, not encourage their bad behavior.” The Prime said as he placed the tray on his table next to the berth and sat down next to the still hidden medic.

“Are you calling me a sparkling!?” Ratchet spat out, his optics lifting just lightly over the blanket as he glowered at the larger mech.

Optimus laughed louder, “Well, you are acting rather juvenile.”

Ratchet scoffed at him, “Pfft, you would act the same way if you had to drink that slag. It tastes like mud. Looks like it even!”

Optimus had to agree with the mech about the last part. The oddly thick, dark looking energon was about as visually appealing as its wretched scent. “Well, if you don’t take it our little ones will suffer for it.” He pointed out, a frown forming on his faceplates.

Ratchet grumbled nosily, pulling himself out from under the blankets as he thrust his servo out angrily. “Fine, but next time we want sparklings YOU’RE carrying!”

Optimus smiled, grabbing the awful cube of sludge and handing it to his love. “It is a deal, but let’s stick with two for now. See how long we can keep them from eating us alive.”

Ratchet smirked as he pulled the cube towards him. He fought to keep from gagging as he lifted it to his lips and poured it into his intake all at once before swallowing.

Optimus hummed approvingly as he grabbed the cube from Ratchet’s shaking servo, the smaller mech obviously trying very hard to keep the liquid from coming right back up.

“Arrrgh, GODS! That is fragging AWFUL! Thank the All Spark I only need to take it for a few weeks…” Ratchet choked out, coughing slightly as he did so.

“Your reward.” Optimus said gently, lifting the plate of treats up, pulling one of the pastries off and handing it to his love.

Ratchet ‘s optics widened at the sweet, almost having forgotten their trip to the sweet shop, and he smiled at Optimus’s thoughtfulness. He sighed as he bit deeply into the treat, the wondrously sweet oil slipping along his glossa as he moaned at the greatly contrasting taste compared to his earlier energon.

Optimus grinned as he watched Ratchet lose himself in the puffy pastry, the smaller mech nibbling at the treat, savoring every bite as he went.

The Prime leaned over grabbing a rust stick for himself and his energon, gently biting off a piece as he joined his love in the simplicity of their breakfast.

All too soon Ratchet’s sweet was gone, and he frowned at the second wondering if he would even have room for it. “So, what time must you go to you therapy session today? Are you returning to work afterwards?” He asked, choosing to give his tanks a rest for a moment even as he licked off the extra oils from his digits.

Optimus nodded, “I have to leave soon, and I will be going to the office but just to grab some datapads to bring home. I would like to take a couple days off to spend with you before I go back fulltime.” He said looking over at his mate just to freeze, his faceplates blushing lightly as he watched Ratchet lick the sticky oil from his servo.

Ratchet was oblivious as he sucked on his digits, “I should probably make it to the clinic and set up my work schedule for the duration of the remaining trimesters. I only have a few more months to prepare for our sparklings. Slag, we are going to need room for them!” He said, his processor suddenly reeling as he realized they lived in such a small apartment.

Optimus had never been one for luxury, so once the buildings began to go up, he had chosen one of the smallest apartments for them. Yet now with two little ones on the way they would need a far larger living space.

“We will have to start looking for…” Ratchet started, but as a low rumble came from his love he looked up in surprise to find Optimus heatedly staring at him and he had to suppress a laugh. **_Poor mech, this programming is hitting him far harder than I would have thought!_**

Optimus had tried to ignore the sudden heat that filled him, but it seemed even looking at his love was troublesome, and when Ratchet began licking the sticky sweet liquid from his…

“Optimus, could you pass the other pastry to me?” Ratchet asked innocently and the Prime eagerly nodded at the request, placing his empty cube down as he grabbed the treat gently and went to hand it to Ratchet, just to watch as the smaller mech merely opened his intake and waited.

Playing with the ever stoic Optimus like this was doing wonderful things for the medic’s previously sour mood, and he forced himself to remain silent as Optimus vented raggedly as he crawled over the berth, his servo shaking as he brought the sweet to Ratchet’s intake.

The medic moaned before taking a small bite of the delicacy, feeling the oil slip down his chin a bit as he munched on the treat.

The Prime whimpered weakly at the sight, his lower chassis heating up as he fed his lover. Each bite allowing just a little more oil to drip from the mech’s intake, some of it rolled down Optimus’s digits as well, until finally the treat was gone.

He nearly fainted in relief as Ratchet finished eating, readying to pull away from the mech and gain some control over himself when his mate gently grabbed his wrist and pulled it close. He gaped openly as Ratchet looked straight into his optics as his glossa slipped from between his plump lips and slowly licked along the Prime’s middle digit, making sure to clean all of the oil that had dripped down it.

In an instant Optimus’s control was gone as his engine roared to life and he crawled over his mate, eliciting a husky laugh from his love as he fell back.

“You are playing with me.” Optimus whispered gruffly, his fans clicking on as he covered the smirking medic.

“Yes, yes I am Prime.” Ratchet replied, his smile growing larger. “What are you going to do about it?”

The sound that emerged from Optimus’s vocalizer was both primal and animalistic as his spike panel slid aside and he lowered his helm to his mate’s, licking at the oil that covered his lover’s chin. “Ohhh, how I love you, Ratchet.” He moaned out, moving the blankets aside as he aligned himself with his mate’s already open and sopping valve.

Ratchet’s optics flashed, his back arching, and intake opening wide as he cried out when Optimus entered him in one smooth thrust. **_Ohhh, this, this is nice… I could definitely get used to this._**

As the lovers moved against one another, and the morning suns’ light glittered around them the world fell away once again. It was a moment of peace and love before the chaos of the day had a chance to rip into them once again but they knew at the end of it all, they would come back home to the glory of each other and everything would be alright once more.

Ratchet moaned, his frame trembling under his love. **_It will all be alright, it will! We have fought too hard, too long to give up now, and frag it Primus, you owe us… You owe Optimus some peace._**

As his love whispered beautiful words into his audials Ratchet fought the fear that gripped his spark for he knew, in the end, Gods were very much like politicians… They only helped those they had use for… Those they had plans for and if the great Primus was done with Optimus… If he no longer needed him, would he at least allow him to retire to a life of peace with dignity? OR, would Optimus fall, all of his efforts meaning naught now that his worth to Primus was exhausted…

The medic fought the tears that threatened to fall, forcing himself to focus on the now, the glory of _this_ moment. **_Stop it Ratchet… Everything will work out! It is a new beginning! You have your love here, two sparklings on the way, LIFE IS PERFECT! Just… Just as it was before…_**

He bit his lower derma, stifling the cry that threatened to escape as he thought of that short time Optimus had reverted back to Orion, that time his bond to his love had become near nonexistent as Orion emerged after Unicron and had run right back to Megatron… The mech Ratchet both hated, and feared more than any other but for completely different reasons than most of the planet.

Where most feared or hated Megatron because of the war Ratchet did because of the power the mech held over half of his love. That Megatron could call to Orion and the mech ran, taking Optimus, any part of Optimus with him… He had experienced it once, and to do so again…

To lose Optimus to Orion, to _Megatron_ once more… Especially now with the sparklings on the way… **_NO! No, don’t think of that! You, WE already have enough to worry about! It is fine if he is speaking to Megatron,  if he is worried about him! It is sensible! Stop being a fool, there are so many other horrors, and joys to contend with…_**

Ratchet buried his helm into his lover’s, his _mate’s_ shoulder, pressing his dermas against the other mech to muffle his cries, his tears, and uncertainty. **_We have this, together we are strong! We can handle all of this, Megatron, the council, sparklings… We’ve got this… Don’t we?_**


	5. Bandaging Wounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh, I love writing this. I know where it is going, and it won't always be sunny, but it will be heart felt. Thank you to those commenting and giving kudos. It may not be so main stream, but hehe, I am enjoying writing these guys. There are far less Ratchet and Optimus stories, especially ones that are long and drawn out, and I just love writing it. I will take some time to catch up on my other stories now, but will be coming back to this soon. Anywho, enjoy! Yay! Oh, and sorry for errors

It took some convincing, and Ratchet threatening him with a few different objects (he had no wrenches at home) for Optimus pull himself from his lover’s arms. To let go of this incredible mech and enter the outside world once again, to Optimus it felt like a certain kind of torture.

Together they washed up, having another bout of love making there as well, much to Ratchet’s amusement before they left their safety zone and stepped outside.

Optimus had to admit that he didn’t feel a great deal of change now that his Sire programming had been activated in him. His protectiveness of Ratchet, his need to be close, his love for him, his lust for him all of it felt normal, but when he looked at Ratchet’s wide optics as he growled when a bot got too close, apparently it wasn’t so normal.

Ratchet had had to tell him a few times to calm down when he hadn’t even realized his entire frame was tense and his optics were narrowed dangerously over his battlemask. He would then blink down at the smaller mech in confusion just to have Ratchet laugh nervously and pat his arm reassuringly.

They were going to take the shuttle to their different destinations but Ratchet insisted they walk given Optimus’s demeanor. The Prime had frowned and said he was perfectly capable of controlling himself in public, but he never got to finish his words when a mech accidently knocked into Ratchet and he almost jumped on the wretched offender!

Luckily Ratchet had pulled him away before he could get close to the oblivious citizen and dragged the fuming Prime to a quiet corner for a moment to give them _both_ a chance to calm down.

“Optimus… You need to get ahold of yourself.” Ratchet pleaded, his wide optics looking up at his mate pleadingly.

Optimus vented out in confusion and frustration, “Forgive me Ratchet, I do not mean to act so poorly. It just comes on all of a sudden. I promise I am not trying to make trouble.” He said weakly, his optics dimming with guilt.

Ratchet smiled patiently up at him, his optics soft. “I know Optimus. Listen, it is probably because I am right beside you, it will always be heightened when I am nearby. Why don’t you make it to your session alone, and I will go on to the clinic?”

Optimus felt his spark clench painfully in his chassis at the idea. “You want us to separate?” He asked quietly, his own optics going wide as he looked sadly down at his mate.

The medic sighed, trying desperately to be the bigger bot here because out of the two of them, he was spared far more of the effects of all of this than Optimus, but as he looked up into those big, blue, hurt looking optics he could feel his resolve crumbling.

“Optimus, you need to be thinking clearly when you go to your session. In fact I would say close down your side of the bond too.” As Optimus’s optics grew wider and oh, so much more sad looking, Ratchet vented out. “Just for the session, alright? Then you can open it back up. I will be done with gathering what I need by then anyways, and we can go to your office together, grab your stuff, and head home for the day!”

Optimus sighed, his optics lowering as he kicked pathetically at the street below him, “Alright.” He mumbled quietly, and Ratchet rolled his optics at his mate’s sparkling like behavior. He almost asked who was being juvenile now, but he knew the mech couldn’t help what _he_ was feeling.

“It won’t be this strong forever, the programming. You will get used to the sways of emotion and attachment after a while but for now it is all fresh, and heightened when I am around. You need to think clearly. I am doing this for us, for _you_.” Ratchet said gently as he hugged the larger mech tightly.

Optimus didn’t know why but the mere thought of being away from Ratchet made him terribly sad, almost depressed really. He sighed, holding the smaller mech close as he prepared to say goodbye to him. “I am sorry Ratchet. I don’t mean to be a problem.” He said sorrowfully, his voice soft compared to the loud city around them.

The medic fought from just grabbing Optimus’s servo and taking him everywhere with him, seeing Optimus so sad, so uncertain it hurt his spark. He knew it was just the programming, but oh his spark ached at the sight. “I know love. I know. We will be together again soon, alright? We have two full days to spend together, and soon we will have some time off once our sparklings get closer to being born.”

He hoped his words would reassure Optimus, but as the larger mech slumped lower he looked up to see Optimus’s optics even more dim than they had been. “Do Primes every truly have time off?” Optimus asked bitterly, and Ratchet sighed once more.

“Optimus, look at me.” The medic said gently and Optimus brought his helm back to his love. Ratchet set his faceplates, his dermas drawn in a tight no nonsense sort of way as his optics blazed. “This one will.” He said sternly pointing at Optimus’s chest. “I don’t care what I have to do, but we _will_ enjoy our sparklings’ birth _together._ We will have the allotted time to stay with our young, as is proper! Besides, I am head medic at the largest medical facility on Cybertron, I have some sway with medical issues.”

Finally some light came into his mate’s optics, and Ratchet cheered internally as he noticed the younger mech’s optics even crinkle as he smiled behind his mask. “I love you Ratchet, what would I ever do without you?” Optimus whispered, his spark far lighter now.

The medic scoffed as he rolled his optics, “I already told ya, you would be curled up in a ball of madness, but don’t worry, as long as I am around I will make sure whenever I see you like that to jump on you and _sit_ on you until morale improved.” He smiled playfully at his mate. “And given that there will be two more frames there with me, I am just gonna get heavier and heavier.”

Optimus laughed, pulling his love close as he vented in deeply. “You and our sparklings are more than welcome to sit on me whenever you need to pull me out of my nonsense.”

Ratchet stood on the tips of his pedes as he kissed Optimus’s battlemask. “Good, and don’t worry, I will train them well when it comes to dragging you out of your piles of scrap.”

“And I shall train them in the art of calming you down.” Optimus chided as he laughed harder.

The medic grumbled as he lowered himself back down. “Yeah, yeah, alright, it is getting late. Go to your session ya stubborn aft, and remember, close your side of the bond, just for now. Come find me at the medical center afterwards?”

Optimus rumbled miserably but nodded, pulling his field tight and cutting his side of the bond off. Ratchet ignored the sudden loss of his love’s presence, putting on a strong face as he gripped the larger mech’s servo tightly.

“I love you, I will see you later.” He said with a smile before turning and walking towards his workplace. He knew he needed to be the first to walk away given Optimus’s state, but he still felt bad about it. Having their Carrier and Sire programming activated obviously had benefits as well as downsides, unfortunately.

It wasn’t until he finally turned down the next street that Ratchet stopped and waited a moment before walking back to the corner, and peered carefully past the side of the building. He was afraid Optimus might not make it to his session, but as he peeked around the corner he smiled sadly as he watched Optimus kind of move from one pede to the next, the tall mech looking so lost before he finally lowered his helm and began walking towards his therapy session.

**_Oh Optimus, seeing you like this… I love you so much. Be strong today, be smart. Think of the future, of our future… I love you so very, very much you amazingly strong yet adorable mech._ **

……………………..

Amazingly enough Optimus was a bit early for his session when he arrived at the clinic, and he had hoped to have some time to gather himself after that hard good bye with Ratchet, but apparently fate had it in for him as his therapist seemed to have all the time in the world today, and ushered him in the moment he arrived.

He sat down heavily in the chair he had occupied the other day, his helm turning to the window as he tried to calm his spark and focus on his mate, and how their day would be after this foolishness.

“So, yesterday went rather poorly. Tell me Optimus, how did it make you feel?” The mech started casually.

Optimus sighed, pulling himself from the wonderful memories of the earlier morning as he forced himself to focus. Once more he found himself in this wretched little office, the smaller mech’s infernal typing slowly sucking any ounce of peace from his spark as he looked flatly at the bot.

“I was locked in with him, and my request to be released was denied numerous times before the door opened. I felt more like a prisoner than a visitor there for a _therapy_ session.” He grated out, his frame tense.

The therapist hummed and typed, and Optimus sat and fumed.

“So, do you mean to say you felt guilty? Like a prisoner, that way?” The blue mech asked evenly.

Optimus scowled at the mech, his anger almost getting the best of him as he struggled to not just throttle the mech. “What? No! I felt like you were all locking me in!” He said gruffly, his servos tightening on the chair’s arm rests as he fought to calm down. He had felt a bit more controlled once Ratchet had left him, but this mech… Even without the program running rampant within him, this mech crawled under his plating like a swarm of Scraplets.

The smaller mech nodded, “You know you were not the prisoner though, Megatron was.”

 ** _Primus help me!_** He thought as he vented in deeply. “I am aware.” He said dryly, trying desperately to calm the chaos in his spark. “Though I was concerned about the state of repair he was in, or disrepair rather.” He said, his voice falling low as his optics blazed at the other mech.

Apparently he had said something worthwhile finally as the therapist actually pulled his attention from his pad and looked Optimus right in his optics. “Really? What about his state has concerned you?”

Optimus’s scowl grew, “The hall was thick with the scent of energon, and he was coughing terribly. I did not get to see his frame, but I fear he is being abused.”

The blue mech hummed thoughtfully, “Well, he is a prisoner.”

Optimus felt his control crack a little more at the mech’s easy dismissal of the former warlord. “He is a mech. A prisoner of war, which he wasn’t even supposed to be in the first place! He gave himself up freely thus helping to end the war…”

“A war _he_ started.” The blue mech interjected pointedly.

Optimus grated his denta together, “A _war_ that would have been avoidable had the Senate not been so twisted back then.”

“So you are siding with his rhetoric about the war being the Senate’s fault?” The smaller mech asked curiously.

“What!? NO! I know he is guilty, I was merely saying that the functionalist society drove the citizens of Cybertron apart in the first place!” Optimus spat out, his rage growing with every klik.

“Is that why you joined the Decepticons in the beginning?” The blue mech asked, typing madly again, each tap digging deeper and deeper into the Prime’s reeling processor.

“I DIDN’T JOIN! _Orion_ DID, but that was before I became a Prime!” Optimus said angrily, his vents increasing as he gripped his chair so tightly he could feel the metal bending under his digits.

“And Megatron in turn, started the war after the loss of you…”

“ORION!”

“So is that why you are trying to save him now? Why you care about his well-being so deeply, because of Orion?”

“NO!” Optimus finally snapped, rising from his chair as he loomed over the smaller mech, his optics flickering and frame shaking around him as he pointed at the mech. “I want to spare him because out of MOST of the members in the council I still RETAIN A SPARK! I CARE about the death of OTHERS! Megatron is a MECH! A CITIZEN OF CYBERTRON! He deserves to be treated as SUCH!”

“A citizen that destroyed our planet.” The blue mech said calmly.

“ARRRRGH, WE ALL DID _MECH_!” Optimus cried out, his servos fisting at his sides. “Look around! Just look! More than half of Cybertron’s citizens were involved in the war! AND, AND you know who sent us into it!? _Your_ beloved SENATE! Ratbat, Decimus, PROTEUS! Those that were supposed to be _leaders_ , who were supposed to be the best of us! They used their twisted system to ruin and strangle their people and then when their citizens retaliated they sent an ARMY in to SILENCE THEM! They sent ME INNN!”

Optimus gasped, his spark acing as he stumbled back. For a moment he couldn’t see, couldn’t vent. All he wanted to do was run, run from this conversation, run from the chaos, the pain that the war had left him with… The shame.

“They sent me in…” He said, quieter now, his shaking servos rubbing his faceplates as he fought for control. “They sent me in to deal with the mess they created, the mess of starving, desperate mechs they left to ROT! They sent me to silence them all, these rebels, these _monsters_ as they called them! Their own citizens… And I did. I mowed them all down… All for the glory and honor… of Cybertron.”

He lifted his helm weakly, his optics no longer blazing, but dim and guilt ridden as he looked at the small mech before him. “I have had my share of death. I have had my fill of it. That, and ONLY THAT is what keeps me from killing Megatron.”

The therapist vented in deeply, his helm tilting as he thought. “You seem to have a lot of anger towards the Old Senate, Optimus Prime. Do you think any of that anger now carries over to the New Council? You mentioned how you are one mech that has a spark.”

Optimus blinked at the mech incredulously. Out of _everything_ he had just said, _that_ was what the mech got out of it?

“Wh-what?” He asked, his helm shaking in disbelief.

“Do you see in the New Council what you saw in the Old Senate?” The mech asked again, his faceplates still and neutral, as always.

 ** _Yes._** The Prime immediately thought, and that realization tore deeply at his spark, but he knew, he knew if he were to say that this bastard could twist it, and use it against him so instead he just sighed, and slumped his shoulders. “I hope not. I do have hope for these mechs, I have hope that they will do right by Cybertron and honor all of her Citizens, be they former Decepticons, or Autobots.”

The blue mech nodded, his digits typing away as Optimus held his helm, wiping at the coolant that had filled his optics. **_Primus… Primus help me…_**

“Yet you disagreed with the Old Senate, and sympathized with the Decepticons? You thought the Decepticon’s were right to pursue their war? That Megatron was?” The mech asked calmly his blue optics watching Optimus closely.

Optimus’s vents ceased in his chassis, his spark freezing as well as he stared at the smaller mech. He didn’t know what to say anymore, did it matter? This mech was taking EVERYTHING he said and ripping it apart just to put it back into any context and order that could make him look guilty, make him look like the traitor, or Decepticon sympathizer they all wanted him to be.

**_I have to calm down. Think of Ratchet, think of your sparklings, think of your family. I need to be calm, I need to be better. I need to take the high road. I need to vent, I need to be the Prime, be the example…_ **

He vented deeply, resetting his vocalizer as he did so. “I believe in saving Cybertron. I believe in protecting the innocent. I believe in a mech’s ability to change. I believe in justice, _true_ justice. I know what Megatron did was wrong, and I am not supportive of his choices, but the Senate was not innocent either and many bots know that. I believe in our people having a voice, and I believe in our people helping us lead Cybertron to a bright and fair future. It should be Cybertronians, _all of us,_ working together to restore our planet, not just some mechs on top pointing their digits and telling others to do it for them as they pretend to understand what it takes to create growth. There are leaders, and there are bosses.  Leaders lead by example, they are engaged in their people’s struggles and teach them all along the way, bosses point from chairs on high and delegate.”

The therapist hummed thoughtfully before standing and moving to a small holovid he had set up in his room and plugging a data stick into it. “There was another mech that sounded very much like you, and I believe that is what is concerning the New Council.” The mech said, moving back to his chair before clicking the remote on his desk.

Optimus tensed, his frame turning as he peered at the screen. The image crackled with static for a moment before an old, old recording came to life and he moved closer, his optics narrowing as he noticed it looked like a rally of sorts. There were many mechs chanting, each calling out the same designation over and over again… Megatronus.

Suddenly a far younger, and less scarred Megatron came into view and Optimus felt his spark skip as the silver mech brought a smaller red and blue mech to the stage with him.

He went to a knee as he looked at the image of his past self, he had heard of how much smaller he used to be, but he had never seen any images, or video recordings for that matter. He felt transfixed as he watched Orion Pax smile brightly at the crowd, a deep blush across his faceplates as he held tight to Megatron’s… Megatronus’s servo.

The silver mech smiled encouragingly back at him, kissing his servo before lifting them both in the air as the crowd around them went mad with excitement.

“ _Here we stand friends, together at the steps of the most powerful mechs in the world!”_ Megatronus called out over the crowd, immediately hushing the crowd as they listened intently.

 _“No longer can they ignore us, SPIT on us! We have a voice now, we have numbers, and with those combined we HAVE POWER!”_ The crowd cheered loudly in response, Megatronus smiling at them all, and Optimus found it odd that the mech didn’t have fanged denta as he did now.

_“We have struggled, my friends. We have starved, we have SLAVED away as the Senate gorges itself on the benefits we all suffer to give them! I say NO MORE! No longer shall your sparklings starve in the streets, no longer shall we work until our plating cracks and bleeds, no longer shall we be forced into this wretched system and TOLD by the rich and ignorant the limits of what we can amount to! TOLD BY SLAVE DRIVERS! Well I am worth MORE THAN THIS SYSTEM DICTATES! YOU ARE! AND YOU! WE ARE WORTH MORE! We aren’t just MACHINES! WE ARE CYBERTRONIAN’S! We shall be the future, we shall lead now! They can ignore one voice or two but together, WE ARE A FORCE!”_

Optimus blinked at the screen watching as Megatronus lifted their… or Orion’s and his fist high, the crowd erupting in cheers once more before the screen turned back to static. He stared into the fuzzy picture, gathering his thoughts when the mech behind him cleared his vocalizer, and with a groan he turned his helm to the therapist.

“What are your thoughts on that?” The bot asked calmly, scanning over Optimus as he did so.

Optimus stood rubbing the back of his helm as he thought carefully about how to answer that question. “Well, he sounds like a mech that lost his way.” He said simply, moving back over to his chair before sitting down wearily.

The doctor nodded, typing furiously once more. “Indeed. Destroying a planet could be described as one _losing his way.”_

Optimus scowled as he heard just a hint of sarcasm in the mech’s voice but he decided to ignore it. “As I have said doctor, I do not agree with what he has done, but I think there is more to Megatron than what he became. The fact that he surrendered proves this. He is more than just a warlord, he is a mech like many others. He has regrets, he has feelings, and I think he is truly remorseful for what happened. What he turned into comparably to what he set out to be. I mean, just look at that recording you showed me, I think that is the true Megatron.”

“And could that recording also show the real you?” The mech inquired, his optics lifting over his pad as he looked at Optimus closely.

“That was _not_ me. That was Ori…”

“Who resides in you and has come out unexpect…”

“Because of the Matrix losing its _power!_ ” Optimus grated out. “Why must you continue to point at him! Orion is gone, he is not _here!_ I do not love Megatron, nor ever will! I have a family, I have an identity, and I CHOSE to spare Megatron for my OWN reasons! AS OPTIMUS PRIME!”

The doctor peered oddly at him, typing a few words as he nodded. “He may have started with good intentions Optimus Prime, but we all know how it ended, for Cybertron, Megatron, and _you_. But for now it is _you_ , and where _you_ stand that many are worried about, wondering about, for a number of reasons.”

The blue bot placed his datapad down before digging into one of the drawers in his desk. “You obviously are suffering from the war, as many are, but your influence here and now is a greater concern. You must understand, you are no ordinary mech. What you do, what you _choose_ affects all of those around you, influences them all, much like Megatronus' voice once did. That kind of power must not be taken lightly, by you or any others. It cannot be taken lightly especially when things like recent events occur, or even earlier ones. As, as in this example…” He said clicking at the screen with the remote he had pulled out.

Optimus sighed, turning his helm wearily to where the mech was pointing when suddenly the holovid flickered to life once more, and he titled his helm curiously as he realized he was looking at the interior of the Nemesis, Megatron’s old ship. The recording seemed to be from their security systems, but Optimus wasn’t certain.

He narrowed his optics searching for whatever it was that he was supposed to see when suddenly his saw his frame, the one he now inhabited, show up on the screen. He stood, moving in closer as he listened but there seemed to be no audio to the video.

 ** _What is this? Why do I look so relaxed, and where is…_** His engine near stalled as he watched Megatron walk up behind him, the warlord evidently speaking to him before moving in close and embracing him. “Wh-what is this?” He strangled out, his frame beginning to shake again as he stared.

“It is one thing to hear about what occurred when you reverted back to Orion Pax, but to see it is another, Optimus Prime. I am going to take my leave for a moment, and allow you to watch this on your own. Please stay till the end so that you understand that we are not trying to blame you Prime, merely trying to make sure you are making the right choice. One that comes from our Prime, and not this young mech that resides in you, even now.” The smaller mech stood, patting Optimus on his shoulder before walking out of the room.

Optimus vented out shakily, his wide optics going back to the screen as he watched himself, no ORION turn from the console he had been working on, cheerily talking with Megatron before moving in close, and kissing him. **_Oh Primus, oh Primus why!? Why… I don’t want to see this! This wasn’t me!_**

His panic grew as he thought about how he and Ratchet had just recently bonded before this event took place. He remembered how devastated his mate had been when their bond had withered to near nonexistence during his time with the Decepticons. It had faded with Ratchet, yet had seemingly grown with Megatron.

Ratchet had told him as much, but had never said anything about Megatron and him… no ORION, being together, but how would he have known? **_Unless…_**

As the two mechs on the screen deepened their kiss, Optimus felt his servo go to his intake as he fought to keep from running from the room. Where had they gotten this recording!? The Nemesis had been destroyed! How many other recordings did they have!? What else could be on them!? HOW DID THEY GET THEM!?

His vision tunneled as he watched Megatron push him back against the console behind him **(ORION!)** the silver mech kissing along his neck cables as he **(ORIIION!)** tilted his helm back, shuttering his optics and spreading his legs as he let the mech’s servos roam over his frame.

 ** _Primus… I never… I didn’t mean to… That, that isn’t, it isn’t me! IT ISN’T ME!_** A broken whimper came from his lips as he watched, horrified as Megatron lifted his frame, spreading his thighs wider apart before kneeling in front him and…

Optimus stumbled back with a cry, his spark beating so fast it hurt. He looked away, he had to, all he could see was what he and Ratchet HIS LOVE had done last night, this morning even! To see himself… To see his frame doing the same, so openly, so willingly with… With…

**_I… I can’t vent! What… What do I tell Ratchet!? Does he know!? Does he know but keeps quiet for my SAKE!?_ **

He looked back at the screen, wishing to see himself push Megatron away, willing his mirror self to run.

Yes, _now_ they were at a better understanding, on more even ground, but at that time of this recording they were still deeply embroiled in their war, their hate for one another. So, so to see Megatron be so loving to him, so soft… To see himself rock against the mech, to see his optics shutter, to see himself trust Megatron so much to let him…

His optics bulged as Megatron stood once more, the Optimus on the screen frame heaving from overloading. “No… No please… Please…” He moaned as he watched, his guilt and shame running through his fuel lines like fire. As Megatron moved forwards, obviously planning on interfacing he nearly screamed with rage, guilt, confusion…

 ** _Ratchet! Forgive me love! Please forgive me! I didn’t know! I didn’t think that I would… That I could… I can’t , I CAN’T SEE THIS!_** His fist was flying before he realized, reality becoming a blur as he smashed it into the holovid before him. It wasn’t until the pain shot up his arm, and his resounding roar echoed around him that he realized what he had done.

He looked down at the now shattered screen, his frame shaking from pede to helm as he stood slowly. **_I… What have I… I shouldn’t have… I didn’t mean to._**

The door to the room open and he spun to find the therapist staring first at him then the broken holovid. “I heard a crash.” The mech said gently, his optics going back to Optimus’s shaking frame. “Are you well, Optimus Prime?”

“I… Forgive me… I didn’t mean to destroy your screen.” He said pathetically, his helm dropping as he lifted his bleeding servo to his chest.

The doctor nodded, walking in as he closed the door behind him. “It is alright, I can see that you are a bit overwhelmed. How about we end the session for today? We can pick up from here tomorrow, give you some time to digest what you saw and think on it.”

Optimus nodded numbly, his optics burning as he silently walked past the mech and out into the hall.

The doctor watched him go for just a minute before walking to his desk and open a channel to Sentinel.

There was a moment of crackling until finally someone answered the call, “This is Sentinel.”

“Sentinel sir, the Prime has just left.” The doctor said as he sat at his desk.

“Ahhh, and how did today’s session proceed?” The councilor asked patiently.

“Well, he smashed my holovid to scrap after seeing the recordings Victus provided.” The blue mech responded, his optics glancing over at the smoking remains of his screen.

“I see, and he is on his way out now?” Sentinel asked, his voice sounding far more pleased now.

“Yes sir.”

“You have done a wonderful job. I shall see if more recordings will be available for tomorrow’s session. Victus says his subject is a rather stubborn one, and extracting anything from him has taken more time than expected, but we should be able to provide more material for you soon.”

The doctor nodded, “I would appreciate that, it seems to help in quickening his _understanding_ of the situation.”

“Of course. What kind of mech would I be if I did not assist Cybertron’s hero?” The mech on the other line laughed as he said it. “I will radio you once we have found some more recordings, until then keep up the good work, you are earning your place amongst the council beautifully.”

The doctor smiled, his optics flashing at this news. “Thank you sir, I shall speak to you soon.”

As the call ended Sentinel leaned back in his chair, his optics blazing as he thought of the progress made with the Prime so far. Lux would be pleased with his report tonight. **_Oh poor Optimus… If only you could have kept your intake shut, none of this would have come to pass, then again having a mech as powerful as you running around freely would never have lasted anyways. But do not hate me Prime, this isn’t personal, it is just politics…_**

**_……………….._ **

Ratchet was just finishing collecting his files and datapads for his two day break when there was a knock on his office’s door and he groaned at the familiar sound of it. “What do you want, Pharma?” He growled out, his optics narrowing as the other mech walked in.

“Such a warm welcome, Ratchet. It is a wonder I don’t visit more often.” The other medic retorted with a chuckle.

Ratchet scowled at the mech, shoving his work down into his box a little more roughly than he had intended. “Yes well you may be the director of health and medicine, but honestly your presence is never required on the floor, _Sir_.”

Pharma laughed, his optics looking around the other mech’s office, picking at certain trinkets as he walked. “Well when my head medic is taking a furlough I like to be more on hand for all the others. By the way I hear congratulations are in order.” The red and white mech said, a grin forming on his faceplates as he scanned over Ratchet closely, the smaller mech’s scowl deepening under the intense stare.

“To be not only bonded, but impregnated by our mighty Prime… I always knew there would be great things for your future Ratchet.” The taller medic said sweetly, moving in close to the now growling medic. “Of course I hadn’t realized you would get there by being a God’s fuck toy.”

Ratchet grit his denta, turning his back to the other mech as he began ripping more pads from the shelves there. “Well Pharma at least I only gave myself to one mech, how many times did you need to bow down and suck a spike to get where you are!?” Ratchet spit out, his frame shaking with his fury when suddenly he felt the other mech step up right behind him.

He made to turn and snarl at the mech when he cried out as Pharma’s arms came around his torso, the taller mech’s servos rubbing his abdominal plating softly. “Ohhh, Ratchet, must we always fight?” Pharma asked with a sigh, lowering his helm as he inhaled deeply. “You smell wonderful by the way, the Carrier scent suits you beautifully.”

Ratchet roared, pushing back against the larger bot before pulling out of the laughing mech’s arms. “ _Don’t_ you ever touch me again, Pharma. I don’t care what kind power or influence you think you have, I will rip your servos from your frame the next time that happens, understand!?”

Pharma stepped back, putting his arms up innocently. “I only meant it as a compliment. Must you always be so defensive when it comes to me? Why can we not tease and just have fun without resorting to threats?”

Ratchet glowered hatefully at the larger mech, “Nothing is fun with you Pharma. I may have to work with you but that sure as fuck doesn’t mean I need to put up with your slag.”

“Of course… You belong to one mech and one mech only. Well, I won’t fault you for your choice. Tell me Ratchet, do you enjoy being the Prime’s arm candy? All the benefits of power without any of the work?” Pharma asked lightly, picking at his servos as he did so.

“Arm candy!? Please mech, being with a Prime is something I would wish on no mech, especially with a New Council that is so jealous of him that they can’t even…” Ratchet stopped as he heard a very familiar, yet very broken sounding voice sound from outside the hall, and he looked up to see his mate’s sagging frame standing at the check-in desk.

“And there he is now.” Pharma said with a smirk, Ratchet snarling at him as the taller mech bowed slightly and made it to the door. “I will leave you to your lover. Enjoy your few days off Ratchet, we will miss you.”

Ratchet’s scowl didn’t dissipate as the other medic winked at him before finally leaving, the smaller mech venting raggedly once the other was gone. “Fragger…” He muttered, shaking his helm as he tried to collect himself and smile for his love when he looked back up at the approaching Prime and frowned. **_What is wrong? Why does he look so… So broken?_**

Optimus kept it together, all of it on the way to the clinic. He nodded to those that greeted him, he waved to others, he played the part of being the Prime perfectly that was until he finally looked up and found his mate’s worried optics looking at him, and he stumbled slightly at the sight.

Ratchet’s concerning grew tenfold as he watched Optimus almost fall in the hall, the larger mech gripping the wall for a moment before he continued his silent stoic path to Ratchet’s office. When Optimus was close enough Ratchet could keep quiet no longer, “Optimus… What is it? What happened?”

“Office…” Was all the mech said, and Ratchet nodded as he led Optimus inside, quickly closing the door behind them and activating the blackout hologram so one could see them.

He sighed, stilling his racing spark as he turned just to find Optimus still turned away from him as he stopped right before Ratchet’s desk.

The medic swallowed hard, his optics widening as he saw Optimus’s frame start to tremble terribly, the mech’s vent increasing as the kliks passed. “Optimus… What is it, love? What happened?”

“Did…” Optimus started, his voice thick with static before he reset his vocalizer. “Did you know, about… About Megatron and…” The Prime tried to say the words, tried to say them evenly, and control the panic, the shame that roiled through him but being in Ratchet’s presence, seeing the mech look at him so lovingly, it terrified him.

What if Ratchet didn’t know!? What would he think of him? Would he be furious, or even worse, terribly ok with it? What if he _did_ know and just kept quiet? Why, why wouldn’t he tell Optimus, his mate? Should he even mention it? Of course he should but, there was already so much going on! There was so much at stake already! What was this going to do to them, to Ratchet!? WHAT WAS IT DOING TO HIM!? But, but this was in the past… Should it matter now? Now that they had come so far? Now that they were about to build a family together!?

When Ratchet’s servo fell to his arms Optimus whimpered brokenly and stepped away.

Ratchet’s spark was now hammering in his chest, and he could feel his sparklings’ energy pulsing just as nervously. “Optimus please, why are you pulling away from me? Please, you are scaring me. What did I do?” He begged, his optics filling with tears when finally Optimus turned to face him.

The larger mech was shaking terribly now, his optics so dim Ratchet wasn’t even sure they were online and they dripped coolant openly as Optimus keened. “I… Y-you d-didn’t do a-anything…” Optimus moaned out brokenly, his servos going to his chestplates as his spark burned within him. “I… I am so… So s-sorry!”

As Optimus’s legs gave out Ratchet yelled and ran to catch the mech before he ended up smashing his helm again, but luckily the mech didn’t completely collapse, only curled into himself as he stayed on his knees.

Ratchet held his love’s shoulders, wrapping his arms around the mech as Optimus sobbed. “I don’t understand, Optimus. Love… Please? Let me help you!”

“I d-didn’t kn-know! I sw-swear… I d-d-didn’t mean to let… I didn’t…” Optimus stuttered out, his servos gripping at the smaller mech desperately as he tried to gain control of his emotions, but with the Sire programming running at full strength, and him just now realizing how he betrayed his love, it felt like he was drowning in it all. **_Have I just lost everything? Will he leave me? I didn’t mean to do, I DIDN’T DO IT! Orion did! But, but how could he override my bond with Ratchet!? Could it happen again? Is the council right to fear? Will, will I just up and leave one day? Leave my family, forget them!? FORGET MY SPARKLINGS!?_**

“Didn’t know what, Optimus?” Ratchet asked calmly, rubbing the larger mech’s back as he tried to calm his love down. He was fairly certain if Optimus continued on like this it would become a full blown panic attack, if it wasn’t one already.

“R-Ratchet… I am s-so s-sorry. It wasn’t m-me but to… T-to s-see it…” Optimus lifted his helm, his crying optics looking shamefully up at the one mech that ruled his spark, or the one mech that _should_ be the only one to rule his spark. “Orion.. When, when I b-became Orion I… I…” He lowered his helm, ashamed of himself for not being brave enough to look his love in the optics as he said it. “I be… Ohhhh. I b-betrayed y-you.” He whispered brokenly, his servos going to his faceplates as he sobbed harder.

Ratchet frowned, not certain what his love was speaking of when suddenly it clicked and his optics widened as he looked down at the broken mech he held. “Ohhh,  ohhhh Optimus…” He said quietly, his arms holding the mech tighter as he tried to figure out what to say.

“I d-didn’t know… N-not till t-today.” Optimus continued, wiping his tears away as he lifted his helm back up. Yes, he wanted to hide from it all and no, he didn’t want to hurt his love, _ever_ , but he had to face this. How could he say he loved this mech without facing his wrongs, his failures?

“If, if you w-want to a-annul… If y-you need to s-stay away from m-me, I, I un-under…” He never got to finish as Ratchet’s field flared over him, the smaller mech’s compassion, patience, love and sorrow for him blanketing Optimus in its warmth and protection, and he fell silent.

“You, _you_ did not betray me, nor did any part of you, Optimus.” Ratchet said gently, his servos moving down to grip his mate’s helm and lift it to his own.

Optimus blinked at the other mech, his spark aching terribly but calming as Ratchet’s energy flowed over him. “You, you knew?” He asked weakly, his confusion growing as Ratchet nodded slowly. “B-but, but why d-did you n-never say…”

Ratchet sighed, a small sad smile growing on his faceplates as he scanned over his lover’s faceplates. “When you came back to us Optimus, Primus… There was so much to deal with. Our bond recovered, which in and of itself was something I needed to contend with, as I have told you before. There was also all of the information about the database, and dealing with the team. You already had so much on your shoulders, so much shame, and guilt… When I examined you that night I, I knew, but I didn’t hate you for it! Frag, how _could_ I? You didn’t remember anything! You didn’t ask for any of that to happen, and… I am sorry… I am sorry I didn’t tell you then, but I was just trying to help you recover from it all. I see now I was wrong to keep it from you and for that, I am truly sorry.”

Optimus looked up at his mate, amazed at how Ratchet was apologizing to _him_ for _this_. “Ratchet…” He started, unsure what to say to the mech.

The medic smiled at him, his optics dim with worry but crinkling with love. “I am at fault here, Optimus, and I am sorry. Can you forgive me for being foolish and weak?”

The Prime stared at the other mech, his frame still hitching slightly from his earlier breakdown when he nodded numbly, and Ratchet smiled wider at the sight. “Thank you, love. Thank you for forgiving me. Now, can we put this messy business behind us for a bit, at least until we get home, and we can either discuss it more then or not, but I am a carrying mech, and I am starving, and it is your job to take care of me, right?”

Again Optimus nodded numbly, his frame unfurling from its ball as he did so. “Ratchet…”

“Epp, epp, epp, not another word until we get home! Come on mech, don’t make me sit on you!” Ratchet said playfully, moving to stand when suddenly Optimus caught his wrist and pulled him close before wrapping his long arms around him.

“I love you, Ratchet. I love you so very much, and awed and humbled that you have found it in yourself to love me back. You, you are my spark, Ratchet. You and these sparklings are my life, and I never want you to, to doubt that.” Optimus said seriously, looking deep into Ratchet’s optics.

Ratchet was going to scoff, but instead just nuzzled closer to the mech. “What can I say, I am just that incredible.”

When Optimus finally chuckled, Ratchet felt all the tension that had built in his frame slide away, and he laughed with his love. “I love you too, Optimus, and I know, I _know_ you love me, I don’t doubt that, and _that_ is a gift all on its own. Now… As much as I enjoy sitting on a filthy floor while my tanks eat themselves from the inside out, I also enjoy fueling.”

Optimus laughed louder at that, wiping the last of his tears away as he let Ratchet get up, the smaller extending his servo down to help him rise, and he happily took it as he too stood.

“Come on mech, I am all packed up and ready for a few days of nothing but gorging myself on sweets and making lewd passionate love to the mech I adore.” Ratchet said cheerily, noting how Optimus blushed deeply at his words.

The medic scanned the room, making sure he got everything he would need before rolling his optics as he looked at his box, “Umm, since I am so feeble, could you be a good mate and carry that for me?” He asked almost laughing at how eagerly Optimus ran to his desk to help.

He really didn’t need the mech’s help, but he would do anything to help keep Optimus’s helm straight, and keep him out of the darkness that seemed to be hunting them both now. Ratchet wasn’t sure how Optimus had discovered what Orion and Megatron had done, but he wouldn’t push it until his love was ready to talk about it. **_Just what are they doing to him during these ‘therapy sessions?’ Visiting Megatron secretly, him coming back today so broken and crying… I need to talk to Starscream again. I wonder if he has found anything else out…_**

As Optimus happily made his way back over to him Ratchet forced himself to smile at his mate. “Alright _hero_ , you ready to go face the insanity of the outside world once again?”

Optimus nodded, his optics now sparkling as he looked down at his love, “With you by my side Ratchet, I am beginning to think there is nothing I can’t face.”

It was Ratchet’s turn to blush now, but he tried to cover it up with a scoff, “Yeah, yeah… Come on mech. Let’s make it to _Sprinkle’s_ fragging _rainbow_ shop before the evening rush starts. I really enjoyed those oil pastries,” He said with a smile as he opened the door to his office, sneaking a peek at his love as he did so. “And I think you did too.”

Optimus’s optics went wide, and his blush took over almost his entire frame as Ratchet laughed heartily and his spark soared. **_There you are Optimus… I promise, I will always find you in the dark. Whether it comes from the outside world, or the darkness you create for yourself, I will find you._**


	6. Never a Dull Moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO! It has been far too long but, I did at least catch up with some of my other stories and now, it is this one's turn yay! I have way too much going on at once haha. I will at least do a few more chapters before I step away again, but it won't be too long till I return and I thank everyone for their patience! Ok, this chapter EEEP! Not gonna say anything but hope you enjoy and sorry for errors!

**_I hate this._ **

Once more Optimus sat in that wretched seat in his therapist’s office, his patience a little better today than yesterday as he and Ratchet had had a splendid and peaceful evening together last night.

He smiled as he remembered how they had gone to the Commons and gotten their treats, meeting Bumblebee and Jazz there where they had suggested he and Ratchet join them tonight for a celebratory dinner.

Ratchet had grumbled at their invitation at first, peering up at Optimus in concern but the Prime had merely smiled at his mate and said he would love to celebrate their sparklings with friends. So it was that after his work today and session of therapy he and Ratchet were to go back to the Commons to meet up with all of their old friends and have a hopefully fun and entertaining night.

**_At least I have that to look forward to and Ratchet, of course._ **

He hadn’t been able to see much of his love today as he had woken early to settle somethings at his own office. As he was Prime he couldn’t get the time off he wanted so easily and had to choose either taking that precious little time either in the beginning of Ratchet’s terms or at the end. He begrudgingly chose the latter.

He _would_ be there for the birth of his sparklings and nothing on this planet would stop him!

He sighed as he watched his doctor gather his filed datapad from one of his shelves, the little mech humming happily as he prepared himself for their session. **_I wish I was home…_**

His spark had ached all morning having to be away from Ratchet and perhaps it was the Sire protocols running rampant in his systems or, or maybe he was just tired of all of this slag. When would Cybertron stop needing him?

Would it ever happen? Would there ever be a new Prime? Could he ever be simple? He frowned as he considered that. **_If, if I lost the Matrix though, would I revert back to Orion?_**

That was a fear he had held ever since losing the power of the Matrix so long ago. If he was no longer its bearer would he then forget being Optimus? Would he change and, and lose everything?

He bit his lower derma, keeping his field tight as he tried to clear that thought from his helm. He hadn’t mentioned that fear to his mate and, and perhaps he should have but honestly, he was too terrified that Ratchet _knew_ what would happen and… He didn’t want his fears confirmed.

He felt a spike of resentment enter his spark, so he had to either be everything to everyone or, or nothing to Ratchet and now, his family?

“Ohhh, alright!” The therapist said happily, sitting down behind his desk as he smiled up at Optimus. “Sorry about that, I had a busy morning with new clients. That latest shuttle had been many that were present during the fall of Iacon and, well, you understand.”

Optimus frowned behind his battlemask. “Yes that was one of the harder… Well, I understand.” He muttered, clasping his servos in front of him as he nervously wondered what kind of torture he would need to go through today.

The doctor nodded. “Yes, a dark solar-cycle if any. So many lost.”

Optimus remained silent, his dim optics peering down at his servos.

The medic titled his helm as he scanned over the Prime curiously. “So, feeling better than yesterday?”

Optimus sighed. “Yes, I spent a wonderful evening with my mate. We began making a list of designations for our sparklings.” He said a hidden smile growing under his mask.

“Ohhh, the spark of life! It is such a treat to experience, especially after such strife. Are you hoping for any frame type specifically, mech or femme?”

Optimus shook his helm, his optics brightening as his mood improved. He liked talking about this far more than war, pain, and Orion. “We do not care as long as they are healthy.” He said, raising his helm and facing his doctor.

“Of course, of course! Always helpful to have a medic as a mate as well during such things, I am certain he is very excited to be having the sparklings of the Prime. An honor.” The dark blue mech said sweetly.

“Yes, we are both very…” Optimus began before he frowned and narrowed his optics at the mech. What did him being a Prime have to do with their excitement over sparklings?

He shook his helm, his optics dimming once more. “I not so certain it is an honor to have my sparklings doctor. If anything I will have far less time to be with my family than most.” He muttered.

The therapist nodded sadly. “Very true, do you think it will hinder your ability to lead? Having sparklings I mean?” He asked innocently and Optimus almost growled.

“No.” He said instead, making sure his voice was clear and confident. The last thing he needed was this mech making him sound incapable of fulfilling his role as Prime and taking care of his family. “No, if anything I think it will help many see me on a more humbled level. I look forward to talking to the citizens about my children. I think it will make me more approachable.”

The other mech’s optics twitched oddly at that. “Yes, I suppose it would.” He said gruffly and to Optimus it almost sounded like the mech was irritated by that realization. “So, other than the sparklings, how are you doing?” He asked, changing the subject suddenly.

Optimus forced himself to not scowl at the mech. “As well as ever, doctor.” He said lightly, smiling wide enough so that the mech could see it in his optics.

“Hmm, good. After yesterday’s little _mishap_ I was worried for you. Seems you are graced with a very forgiving mate.” The doctor said happily and Optimus grit his denta at the snide remark.

 ** _Why does it seem like this mech always wants to set me off?_** He wondered bitterly yet kept his smile wide as he nodded, he was learning to play this mech’s game. “He is indeed a wonder of a mech. I thank Primus every day for his patience and love. I am blessed.”

The doctor smiled back at him. “That is just _wonderful_ to hear Optimus. It is good to have a stable and safe environment at home, especially for a mech of your station.”

Optimus nodded. “Yes it is, thank you. He, he is my glue.” He said quietly, feeling his spark warm as he thought of Ratchet.

The smaller mech hummed thoughtfully, tapping his digits on his desk as he did so. “So I have heard you will be attending a small party tonight, in the Commons to celebrate?”

Optimus groaned internally, was there _anything_ he ever did _private!?_

“Yes, my old officers suggested it.” He said simply making sure to keep his voice light.

“I am certain that will be fun, seeing all of your old friends. Will, will there be Decepticons there as well?” The medic asked nonchalantly.

Optimus shrugged. “I am uncertain if there will be any former Decepticons in attendance.” He said pointedly looking at the mech as he corrected him. “All I am certain of is that we will be surrounded by Cybertronians that wish to celebrate the gift of life. I think it will certainly be enjoyable.”

“Cybertronians, yes…” The smaller mech said slowly, taping something into his datapad and Optimus realized this was the first time he had heard that awful noise.

 ** _So he types nothing down about healthy information but if I defend or support Decepticons in any way…_** Optimus sighed once more, rolling his helm side to side as he fought to remain calm.

“Alright, perhaps we should begin with what I have planned for today.” The therapist said with a grin and Optimus felt his spark fall to his tanks as the other mech pointed at a newly replaced holovid.

 ** _Wonderful, more recordings._** He shifted in his seat even though he tried to cover any ill ease he felt and noticed the mech watching his every move. **_Primus help me…_**

“Are you ready Optimus? Do you need a moment?” The doctor asked kindly and the Prime could almost picture himself throttling the mech right there.

“Proceed doctor, I would like to make it to my celebration on time.” He instructed, hoping his voice sounded more confident than he felt.

The smaller mech smiled brilliantly. “Excellent, now, please turn your attention to the screen.”

Optimus begrudgingly turned towards the new holovid, his spark thundering as he thought of the last thing he had seen playing there and even though Ratchet didn’t blame him a wave of guilt fell over the Prime for a moment before he pushed it away. **_It is foolish to focus on what I failed in, in the past. There is so much awful happening now that I need to…_**

He frowned, his guilt intensifying as he realized how he just dismissed all that was happening around him as awful. Now was a time that he should be celebrating! Cybertron was growing, her citizens returning, even some wildlife had been spotted out of the cities. Not only that, but Ratchet… The mech he loved with all of his spark was carrying two precious sparks, his sparklings!

He should be celebrating, reveling in all the rebirth around him yet it seemed that as the world grew and moved on he was constantly getting dragged back down into the nightmares of the past.

Almost as if fate wanted to prove that point even more so, he almost whimpered as the screen finally cleared from static and he beheld a recording of a fire and death.

**_Primus, why? Why this…_ **

“This is a recording from the old Archives, when the security systems were still intact along the streets of Iacon.” The doctor informed him, not like he needed to though, Optimus had been there, he had been there the day Iacon fell.

“I remember.” Optimus said grimly, his optics scanning over the fires and ruins that were displayed on the screen.

“Remember Optimus, I am merely trying to understand, or help you understand the gravity of your recent choice. Sometimes we forget, we forget just how wicked some mechs can be.”

Optimus peered sideways at the mech, his optics narrowed over his battlemask. “I remember _doctor_. I was there. I remember what Megatron did that day and have no desire to relive it.”

The blue mech nodded, typing on his datapad as he did so. “Yes, but if you cannot even face his old crimes how can you truly say he deserves to live?”

Optimus scoffed angrily but decided to remain silent, it was what seemed best with this mech anyways. He sunk into his chair, his optics looking everywhere but a the screen until the screams started and as he turned his helm, his optics widening as he suddenly felt like he was back there, back on the streets of the dying city as Megatron executed many members of the Senate for all the world to see.

His team had been called in too late and by the time he had arrived there was already a huge crowd of citizens inside the circle before the old senate building. He had to fight to push past the crowd, insisting that his Autobots do everything in their power to not harm the civilians as Megatron’s towering figure stepped out on the marble white steps, the captured senators being dragged out behind him in chains.

Optimus saw it all, both through the recording in front of him and the memories that tore through his processor. He watched as Megatron stood tall, his jagged denta shinning in the light of the setting suns as he roared over the crowd.

“HERE THEY STAND! Here, the MONSTERS that have DICTATED your worth for FAR TOO LONG! Who is afraid now mechs? WHOOOO!?” Megatron screamed at terrified senators, as the crowd either cheered or screamed in horror.

Optimus remembered his radio going at full blast, numerous bots asking him what to do. Should they shoot, telling him they couldn’t make it through the crowd, all of them, each of them looking to their newly crowned Prime for guidance when in truth, he knew what to do even less than they did.

He had tried to keep up with the radio, telling his teams to flank around but there seemed to be Decepticons planted everywhere, as if they had planned every moment of that day out for vorns, and the Prime had been fairly certain they had done just that.

When the screams of the senators began, both on the screen and in his helm Optimus shuttered his optics. It had been his first true failure as Prime and even though he hadn’t agreed with the senator’s actions and their greed to have them pulled apart before all of Iacon while he screamed and fought through the crowd…

He had felt so naïve, so _lost_ that day. He remembered so many in the crowd either jeering at him, or looking to him as they begged for him to stop it, to fix it…

He opened his optics, the screen flickering as the crowd on it began in-fighting, citizen against citizen each turning on one another because of political differences. He stared at the screen in horror as he watched friends turn on one another, tear into those next to them viciously as Megatron stood above them all, his frame coated in the senator’s energon as he basked in the chaos below him.

If Megatron had destroyed each senator that day had never been proven.  The one’s he did get to had been melted to molten scrap afterwards and some bots believed some had escaped but since that day they had never been seen again so the _hope_ of some surviving this massacre was thin to say the least.

**_Frag it all. I know what Megatron did, I know what the Senate did, I KNOW ALL OF THIS! Why is he showing me this!? I haven’t forgotten! I… Wait, was that?_ **

For just a moment it seemed the video had broken out to another image, but Optimus couldn’t be certain he had seen what he thought or if it was just his optics playing a trick on him. He leaned closer, his optics wide as the scanned over the growing riot, his spark aching as he watched one mech be taken down by a group of protestors, screaming as no one came to his aid. His frame was ripped into, his blood soaking the mechs around… **_THERE! There is was again… Or was it?_**

Optimus stood from his chair, his spark reeling as he feared he saw the same image from before, but he wasn’t sure if it was the recording or his own guilt pulling the image forwards because what he saw flicker just for a moment between the death and fires was a single image of him and Megatron kissing.

**_No… It, it is just my imagination… I, but why would I think of that when…_ **

Another femme was taken down, this time by Autobots and her screams filled the room terribly as she wept for her mate that had died in the mines…

_Flash… Him holding tight to the warlord as he moaned against him._

He watched, horrified as one of his old captains slammed his fist into the poor femme over and over, all the while her begging for mercy, for help…

_Flash… Megatron running his servos over his heated plating and lifting him to the console._

The captain called her filth and a traitor before lowering his weapon and…

_Flash… He gasped as the mech entered him, his optics bright and open as he cried out. “I love you Megatronus…”_

Optimus cried out, stumbling away from the screen as his, but _not his_ voice filtered through his audials and he fell back onto his aft before the seemingly stunned doctor.

“Forgive me, was this too much Optimus?” The medic asked in concern.

For a moment Optimus couldn’t speak, his processor glitching in his helm as he shook on the floor. He tried to shutter his optics, tried to block out the images that were assaulting him but once the darkness came over him everything just became so much louder, brighter.

He could almost feel the warlord fill him, his servos gentle and kind when suddenly a flash of the femme screaming filtered through, or the cries of the senators, the mech being pulled apart from those around him, just to come back to Megatron kissing him so passionately and...

He gasped, willing the chaos away, not understanding why he would think of the other recording in conjunction with, with…

He screamed as a servo fell to his shoulder, his optics flying open and battle protocols whirling to life unconsciously and the doctor froze as he found a rifle pointed at him. “Optimus… You must calm down.”

Optimus shook, his helm jerkily scanning around him wildly when he realized his servo had transformed without him meaning it to, and he felt horror filter through his spark at the sight.

“I… I am s-sorry.” Optimus stuttered, transforming his servo back and placing it against his racing helm. **_Calm down! You need to calm down. You, you didn’t see what… It must be from yesterday, that is all. Just from the shock of the images and… And that is all._**

“I apologize for triggering you so strongly.” The medic said softly as he turned off the awful recording and Optimus keened as the screams continued to fill his helm.

**_Why did I see him and I... NO! Orion! Why did I see them while watching… What, what is WRONG WITH ME!?_ **

“Optimus? Are you alright?” The therapist asked, crouching next to the shaking Prime.

“I… I am.” Optimus said yet his voice was filled with static and he cursed himself for reacting such a way in front of this mech! It seemed every time he thought he could prepare for these accursed visits the very ground was pulled out from under him and, and he couldn’t keep up with the chaos.

He frowned as he vented, what if something really was wrong with him?

**_NO! No don’t let him get into your helm like that! Any mech would have a reaction like this to such a recording! That was awful! But, but why did I see Megatron in between…_ **

He shook his helm, lifting himself off the ground and onto his shaking legs. “I think that is quite enough for the day doctor.” He said stiffly and he knew the mech would mark something down _somewhere_ because he failed to stay the entire session but he didn’t care. What he had just seen, what it had made him feel, remember… He wanted no further part in this torture.

“Actually we are just about done anyways.” The other mech said gently, patting Optimus’s arm yet the Prime found no comfort in the gesture.  “I have to get to another appointment across the city and…”

A knock suddenly sounded on the office and both Optimus and the doctor turned at the sound. “Odd, normally they know better than to interrupt…” The smaller mech said with an apologetic smile as he walked to the door.

Optimus vented out slowly, his servos rising to rub his faceplates when he heard a familiar voice on the other side of the door.

“Hey Doc, I am sorry, but I got a hard case out here and could really use the…” The mech stopped talking as the therapist opened the door and Optimus looked over to find Hot Rod standing on the other side.

“Hot Rod?” The doctor asked kindly. “What is going on?”

The younger mech gaped as he spied Optimus peering at him. “Oh scrap, I, I didn’t mean to in-intrude Prime!” He exclaimed, bowing low in respect.

Optimus smiled behind his mask, happy for the distraction from his dark thoughts. “It is fine Hot Rod, I was just leaving.” He said, his voice still a bit heavy as he made his way to the door and followed the other two mechs out.

“You said you needed help?”  The blue mech as Hot Rod and the red youth nodded.

“Well, not me exactly but…” He gestured to side room where all three of them saw a bot bawling on the inside.

Optimus frowned as he tried to remember what the mech’s designation was. “Ticker isn’t it?” He asked softly of Hot Rod and the younger mech smiled proudly up at the Prime.

“Yeah, that’s him.” Hot Rod said, yet his smile faltered as he peered back at the mech. “Seems he has been having a few breakdowns on the job site, not sleeping, or recharging well not too get into his personal issues too deeply and I figured I would talk him in to have a chat.”

The doctor nodded. “You did well to bring him here Hot Rod. Thank you. I have an appointment but I will get him set up with another doctor.”

Optimus and Hot Rod watched the medic enter the room, the mech’s cries echoing in the hall just for a moment before the door closed and silence fell over them.

“Man, so many bots are having trouble these days.” Hot Rod said sadly, his shoulders slumping.

Optimus smiled at the younger mech, placing his servo on his shoulder as he opened his battlemask and smiled down at him. “We are all struggling in our own way, Hot Rod. I am proud of you and grateful that you took the time to help your fellow Cybertronian.”

Whatever sorrow was in the red mech’s optics faded in an instant as he smiled up at Optimus with a blush of blue. “Thank you, Prime. Coming from you that means a lot.”

Optimus smiled wider. “Please, call me Optimus.”

Hot Rod’s blush deepened. “Haha, alright Optimus, uhh Sir.”

Optimus chuckled. “Optimus will be just fine.” He assured the younger mech before sighing and checking his chronometer. “Forgive me Hot Rod but I have had enough of this place and must get to the Commons.” He said as he patted the smaller mech’s shoulder and began to walk to the exit.

“Oh yeah! The party!” Hot rod exclaimed quickly scampering after Optimus. “I am on my way there too, mind if I walk with you?”

Optimus smiled, more than happy to have this mech’s cheerful company to keep him distracted from his awful session. “I would be honored.” He said and Hot Rod near exploded with joy at his words.

The two of them walked out of the building together the late afternoon suns warming their plating as they walked in comfortable silence for a bit.

Optimus enjoyed the company of the younger mech, he had always found Hot Rod to be honorable if not a little flighty at times, but he meant well. He and the red mech weren’t that far in age, though Optimus obviously had been forced to grow up far faster once he became a Prime but if he hadn’t received the Matrix he imagined he would be just as much of a spirited youth as his companion. In fact he imagined Orion and Hot Rod would have gotten along swimmingly from what little he knew of his counterpart.

It wasn’t a long walk to the Commons from the medical offices but as he was early and wanted to avoid the main streets Optimus suggested they go through the park instead. It would add a few more kliks to their journey but after his session and all of the screams that still haunted him he was more than happy to enjoy the beautiful day…  

Hot Rod eagerly agreed and soon the two of them were chatting about this and that, the youth blessedly not mentioning his work, or responsibilities, or therapy once and Optimus felt himself relaxing more and more each step.

“So, you should see what they have going in the lower quarter. I don’t remember Lower Iacon that much from before the war but I know it was normally _not_ known for its beauty.” Hot Rod said and Optimus laughed with a nod.

“I have heard the same. Many referred to it as Poor Iacon though like you, I never saw it until after the war ravaged it.” The Prime said as he peered through the freshly planted crystal trees that surrounded them. They were taller than him but nowhere near the size they would be in a few more vorns and he loved to walk under their beautifully colored gems.

“Yeah well, snobs did but now… Ohh Prime, uhh Optimus. You gotta come see what they are doing with it! Bunch of young mechs from all sides working together to make it into this artsy and colorful place! It is stunning what we can do when we work together.”

Optimus sighed happily, glancing down at Hot Rod with a wide smile. “It is, isn’t it?” He said happily, yet vented out wearily as he thought of the Council and their continued distrust of the former Decepticons. “I just wish all of us could see it that way.” He mumbled, his helm falling as he stared at his pedes.

Hot Rod hummed in agreement. “Well, I think with you as our Prime, we will get there Optimus.” He said encouragingly as he placed his servo on Optimus’s arm, stopping the taller mech.

Optimus lifted his helm, his optics dim and sorrowful. “I am uncertain, Hot Rod. I am only one mech and yet… Yet all bots seem to see is the Matrix, the infallible Prime. I am far more complicated than this trinket in my chest, and not nearly as wise as some believe.”

Hot Rod titled his helm. “You know, I guess being Prime isn’t always what it is cracked up to be, is it? No one really sees the mech behind the relic.”

Optimus scoffed, his servo rubbing at his chestplates unconsciously. “Not always, no. Yet…” He lifted his helm, smiling at Hot Rod appreciatively. “Some do and I am always grateful for their advice, patience, and company.”

Hot Rod beamed before moving in closer to the sorrow ridden mech and put both his servos on Optimus’s shoulders. “Hey, any way I can help the _savior of us_ _all_ not feel so damn isolated, I am there.”

Optimus nodded, again amazed by the spirit of this mech when he heard the distinct sound of a camera come from somewhere around them and he growled internally. **_Arrrgh, not one moment of peace!_**

He pulled away from the smaller mech, his optics searching the trees around them catching the glint of something running off a little ways ahead.

“No peace for a mech like you is there?” Hot Rod asked with a strained laugh and Optimus groaned as he began walking.

“A curse at times.” He mumbled, continuing to search around them as they made their way out of the crystal trees yet it seemed he had scared any other photographers off, for now at least.

As they walked into the busier areas of the city the truth of his statement became clearer as bots all around them stopped and stared or pointed in amazement at the Prime.

“I am sorry.” Optimus muttered, his battlemask snapping back into place as they were ogled at but Hot Rod just laughed.

“Makes me appreciate being simple. You should come down to the new Lower Iacon though, bots there are far less… Well, _easily amused_. You might be able to walk down the street and not be mauled by adoring fans along the way.”

Optimus chuckled. “I am not even certain I would know what to do in such a situation, to be invisible for a day would be a gift.”

Hot Rod clapped his servos together, “Then it is a deal! Why don’t you come by tomorrow!? There is an art show going on and a new Archive opening up.” He said with a sly side glance. “Plenty of new stuff to read.”

Optimus laughed loudly. “Oh be still my spark. I suppose I must attend then.” He chided and the two of them laughed together as they finally made their way to the Commons.

“HEEEEY! There he is!”

Hot Rod and Optimus peered up as Jazz hooted at them and a loud cheer went through the circle as all of the guests welcomed their Prime.

Optimus sighed at the sight of all of his old friends together again for the first time since, well really since coming back to Cyberton. He saw Ironhide chatting away with a group, saw Arcee and Bulkhead in another, Wheeljack was chatting with Ultra Magnus, of all mechs, Knockout was flirting with everyone, and there were plenty of other familiar faceplates and some new ones as well. It was a beautiful blend of all of Cybertronians, Neutrals, Decepticons, and Autobots all celebrating new life, together.

“Wow, leave it to Jazz to make a party as extravagant as this in one night!” Hot Rod exclaimed as he scanned over the numerous tables that were set out, the lights and streamers that hung everywhere, and there was even a small band playing in the corner, it was indeed quite the sight.

Sliding his battlemask away Optimus nodded to and greeted those in attendance yet his optics were always searching for just one mech and one mech only, Ratchet.

Hot Rod waved him goodbye as he ran off to where the younger mechs were collecting and in some small way Optimus wished he could have gone with him. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy his older companions but sometimes he found himself wishing he could act as young as he actually was but, like many other things, the Matrix stole his youth from him long ago.

**_But, it also gave me Ratchet._ **

His spark soared as he finally found his mate, the older mech surrounded by many as they drowned him in questions about the sparklings. Ratchet seemed about to pop from all of the attention and bots that were continually trying to rub his stomach plating when the medic spotted Optimus and his shoulders fell with relief.

Optimus excused himself from his crowd and beelined it for his mate wrapping his long arms around the smaller mech the moment he came to his side.

“Oh thank Primus.” Ratchet whispered gruffly into his audial. “I thought I was about to go to prison for murder.”

Optimus laughed, ignoring the ‘Awwws’ and clapping the bots around them expressed as he showed affection to his bonded. “I wish I could have come sooner.” He said, kissing the top of Ratchet’s helm before pulling away.

Ratchet peered up at him, his optics carefully scanning Optimus before he frowned. “How’d it go?” He asked carefully and when Optimus unconsciously pulled his field in tight Ratchet growled. “That bad huh?” He grumbled and the larger mech sighed heavily.

“Not now love. I would like to ignore all of that and enjoy every moment of _this_ with _you_.” Optimus said kindly, a hint of despair in his voice and Ratchet nodded in defeat.

“Alright, I won’t hound you. Here, have you fueled since this morning? You look pale.” The medic said as he grabbed Optimus’s servo and began leading him to one of the many tables with cubes on it.

Optimus grinned. “Aren’t I supposed to be the overbearing one?” He asked playfully and Ratchet snorted.

“Out of the two of us have you ever been?”

Optimus laughed louder, allowing himself to be dragged forwards by the mate he held so dear. **_Ohhh Ratchet, I love you so very much._**

**_……………….._ **

The rest of the night was nothing but smiles and laughter for the happy couple. They reminisced with old friends, discovered what everyone was up to these days and for Optimus, it almost felt like he was just a normal mech.

His troops had always treated him a little bit different than their teammates but it wasn’t nearly as oppressive and awkward as the public. They had seen him victorious many times but had also seen him fail and with that came a better understanding of his humility and how he wasn’t a ‘God’ but a mech that could be hurt, that had wept for the fallen, and knew pain as they did.

His and Ratchet’s fields coiled together through the night, both of them hanging tight to one another as their Creator programs strengthened.

Ratchet loved seeing Optimus like this, his battlemask aside, the younger mech sitting in a relaxed posture as he laughed with old friends, he even got the mech to sip at some high-grade though, only about half of the cube was empty so far. Still, between the friends, the smiles, and drink he hadn’t seen Optimus this happy in public well, maybe _ever,_ and he loved every klik of it.

Ratchet yawned as he rested against Optimus’s side. It was a bit later now, and the stars were shining brightly above them. **_What a wonderful night._** Optimus apparently felt his mate’s joy through their bond and the arm that was around Ratchet’s shoulder tightened.

“How are you feeling love? Are you tired?” Optimus asked, a slight slur to his voice and Ratchet chuckled at the sound of it.

“We can go soon Optimus, but I am enjoying this.” He answered, patting Optimus’s knee as he snuggled in close. “Besides if I fall to recharge you can just carry me, I am certain the news crews would love that.” He muttered, peering at the reporters that had set up around the celebration. Their staff had cycled constantly as the night wore on, never missing a moment to keep updates on the on-goings in the circle.

Optimus scoffed but smiled broadly down at the smaller mech. “Any more of this high-grade and you may be dragging me out here.” He joked.

Ratchet hooted. “Oh that would be something to see! You are such a light weight.”

Optimus chuckled. “Oh I am not that bad off, I will still have plenty of energy for later.” He added with a suggestive nudge and Ratchet laughed harder.

“My, my Prime. Where has your modesty gotten to?” The medic scolded through his laughter and Optimus just grinned at him stupidly. Ratchet shook his helm, his spark nearly melting at the look of peace and youthful joy on his mate’s faceplates. “I fragging love you, Optimus.” He remarked, awe in his voice and he lifted his helm and kissed the taller mech gently.

Optimus groaned, surprised by Ratchet’s comfort in showing affection in public as normally it was him sneaking kisses. Perhaps he was a little more inebriated than he thought or maybe it was the Sire programming but he quickly found himself deepening their kiss, his frame thrumming with warmth and excitement when some bot called to him.

“Optimus Prime!”

Ratchet chuckled under his lips. “Optimus,” He muttered amusedly against the larger mech. “Someone is calling to you.”

Optimus growled quietly. “Mmmmhmmm.” He answered, not taking his lips away and Ratchet rolled his optics as he laughed and pulled away.

Optimus whined, glaring playfully at Ratchet before he turned and scanned the crowd to find whomever was calling to him. He frowned as he couldn’t see who was yelling and he begrudgingly stood up from the bench to get a better look when he noticed a little teal colored mech running through the crowd towards him.

He put on a patient smile as the mech approached him, raising his arm to signal he noticed him when he felt his spark freeze as a glitter of something frighteningly familiar in the mech’s servo caught his optics. **_Is, is that a…_**

“TRAITOR TO THE PEOPLE! DIE DECEPTICON SYMPATHIZER!”  The mech screamed, his voice pulling all optics to him and the Prime before he threw the little silver disk he held at Optimus.

**_A BOMB!?_ **

Optimus roared, his battle protocols firing to life but they were immediately overridden by is Sire programing and in the bare second he had to react he spun, grabbing Ratchet by his shoulders and throwing him as far as he could just before something slammed into his back and fire and light enveloped him.


	7. The Cracks Deepen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO! SO this one is longer, like 10,000 something or other words. I was gonna break it up but since it is all one night I kept it together. Umm it is a crazy ride, so hang on tight, some mentions of some dark things too so trigger warnings and updated tags, be aware... Yeah sooo, other than that enjoy the chaos!

_(((((BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!)))))_

Agony tore through Optimus’s right side as he was thrown in the air, his frame landing heavily some fifty feet from where the explosion originated and he cried out as he bounced across the Common’s ornate paving stones before rolling to a painful stop.

**_ARRRRGH!_ **

Bits of rubble rained down around him, ash and smoke choking his vents and his optics burned as fires raged around him.

**_PRIMUS! What, what just happened!?_ **

He groaned as he lifted his aching helm, amazed that he had somehow survived the blast before he spotted Hot Rod groaning on the ground next to him. **_Did, did he pull me out of the way?_**

Ragged vents escaped him as he tried to get to his knees yet, even though he hadn’t suffered the certain death Hot Rod had saved him from, it seemed he hadn’t escaped all of the damage from the bomb. He tilted his helm downwards spotting the broken, bleeding, and shrapnel ridden plating that covered his entire right side. **_Arrrgh, damnit!_**

Screams were coming from everywhere and as Optimus peered up at the blast sight he could only gape in horror at the carnage he found there.

Where the bench had been there now burned a giant crater in the ground, black smoke and raging fire covered the area but what stunned him, what sickened him the most were the frames that were scattered all around the circle. **_Oh gods…_**

He grit his denta as he forced himself to his pedes, ignoring the pain that seared down his ruined side as he began radioing his soldiers. **:All available soldiers report in! We need to secure citizens and…:**

His optics suddenly bulged, his spark thundering as he realized he couldn’t see Ratchet anywhere!

Hot Rod got slowly to his pedes, the red mech’s right side almost mirroring the damage that covered Optimus’s frame. “Ahhh, Pr.. Optimus! You alright!?" He shouted to the taller mech through the screams and fire.

Optimus was in near panic, his Sire protocols clouding his wartime programming. He didn’t know what to do! Part of him was screaming to find Ratchet and only Ratchet! He needed to get his family safe, he needed to…

 **:Prime! We have numerous wounded, the bomber is on the run. Orders Sir!?;** Ironhide’s voice filled his audials and Optimus tried to focus.

 ** _Send them orders, get them set then find Ratchet!_** His Prime side screamed to him and yet his Sire side screeched louder. **_NOOOO! GET RATCHET! Save your family! Your sparklings!_**

“ARRRRRRRGH!” He screamed, ripping at his helm as he warred with himself. He may be a Sire, a mate but… But he was also the Prime and he had to protect all citizens not just his favorites.

 **:All those well enough to move I want you to break into three squads! Squad one pursue and apprehend the bomber!:** He instructed, fury burning through his spark as he thought of that little teal mech that had caused all of this destruction! **:Second squad, clear a way for medical transports, we need medics on the ground stat! Third squad, assist the victims, there seems to be at least a dozen injured or… We also need to set up a perimeter! There may be more assassins.:**

 **:YES PRIME!:** Multiple confirmations came to him at once as he began to stumble towards the blast site.

“Prime! We need to get you out of here, your side is blown to frag!” Hot Rod insisted yet he stilled as Optimus spun on him with a growl.

“I am not going _anywhere_!” Optimus snarled yet vented out as the younger mech shrunk away from him and he shook his helm as he tried to calm down. “I, I am sorry. I need to find Ratchet and I can’t abandon my troops!” He exclaimed despairingly over the roar of approaching sirens. He grated his denta as more calls for orders echoed in his helm or bots confirming duties came over his radio, between the noise around him, in his audials, and his protocols warring inside of him Optimus felt lost! **_Arrrgh! I can’t focus! Ratchet, where are you love!? If everybody could just SHUT UP!_**

“I, I can find him!” Hot Rod cried, placing his arm on Optimus’s. “I can find Ratchet, I… I know you are needed.” The younger mech assured him and Optimus growled in indecision.

Should he let this young mech go and find his mate while he handles every other FUCKING THING! **_ARRRGH I HATE THIS!_**

He finally nodded, knowing he was wasting precious time the more he thought and remained frozen by indecision. “Please, please keep him safe Hot Rod. Take care of h-him f-for me!” He begged and the younger mech set his faceplates as he nodded.

“I won’t let you down!” Hot Rod promised before limping off into the flames.

Optimus felt his spark break as he sent someone else off to do what HE should be doing for his family yet reluctantly set his faceplates and forced himself to perform his duties as Prime dragging his frame forwards he began assisting the chaos around him.

He moaned as he spotted the first poor victim, a mech he hardly knew but it seemed had been standing very close to him when the explosive went off as he was literally blown into at least three separate pieces. **_Gods… Why?_**

He limped passed the dead bot reluctantly, he knew there was nothing he could do for the mech. **_You won’t be left here, I promise! You won’t be forgotten…_**

He cringed as those words filtered through his helm. How many times had he said that line before, made that promise to so many of his dead soldiers just to never… Never get to them, never see them again… **_Not this time. I will… I will recover them all damnit! I… Arrrgh, we aren’t even at WAR!_**

His spark burned as he spotted Arcee dragging her frame across the circle. “Ar-ARCEE!” He cried, weaving through flames and rubble as he hurried to her side.

She wasn’t too bad off but one of her legs had been mangled to scrap and half of her helm was covered in black soot. “O-Optimus…” She strangled out as he approached her, her voice gritty from all of the smoke. “I I am f-fine but Bumblebee… He was r-right there!” She cried, coolant filling her optics as she pointed to where she spoke of.

Optimus nodded as he tried to kneel down and pick her up but he seemed to be far more injured than he realized and his legs completely went out from under him the moment he began to bend them and he crashed to the ground loudly.

“Arrrrgh _fuck_!” He grated out furiously, spitting out the energon that unexpectedly filled his intake before shutting down his blaring pain receptors and silencing all of his HUD warnings as he pushed himself back to his pedes. “I, I got you.” He moaned, scooping the barely conscious femme up and stumbling away from the ruins.

Once he was out of the fire and smoke Optimus got a far clearer view of the extent of the damage. He keened as he scanned over where half of the Commons used to be all of it now reduced to rubble and ash. **_Why, why would someone do this?_**

He shook his helm, focusing on his task as he made his way over to one of the many medical shuttles now arriving. “Take her.” He said gruffly to the first medic he saw, ignoring the mech’s cry for him to be treated as he ran back into the flames.

“Arrrgh gods…” Optimus muttered as the smoke and heat burned his throat and stung his optics once more. “HELLO! ANY SURVIVORS, CALL OUT!” He screamed, his voice thick with static.

“Helllp!” A weak call came from his right and he began his bumbling pain ridden hobble towards the voice. He grit his denta as he found a small mech pinned under one of the local shops awnings.

“I, I am here, hold on.” He assured the terrified mech, gripping the edge of the large metal slat and pulling upwards.

“ARRRRGH! NO!” The mech cried, his optics bulging as the pressure on the lower half of his chassis increased from Optimus’s movements.

Optimus immediately stopped what he was doing as his optics went from the awning to the mech trapped by them. How could he free the mech without cutting him in half!?

He vented raggedly radioing any available troops for assistance when Ratchet’s wonderful, amazing voice came to him through their bond.

**_/OPTIMUS! Are you alright!?/_ **

The frantic Prime almost fainted in relief. **_/Gods Ratchet! You are ok!/_** He sent back, a sob escaping him.

 ** _/Battered from your throw but nothing too serious. Where are you! You need to get out of there now!/_** Ratchet insisted furiously and Optimus vented at the demand.

**_/Ratchet, I can’t love. People need m…/_ **

**_/I NEED YOU! OUR SPARKLINGS NEED YOU! Get out now or so help me I am coming in there after you!/_** Ratchet’s voice screamed at him and Optimus wished, prayed he could do just that.

 ** _/I can’t Ratchet, citizens need my help./_** He sent back sadly, his worry for the one he was currently trying to save growing as the mech became quieter and quieter.

**_/OH FRAG THAT! Optimus, please! I saw the blast and you were right THERE! Get out of there! I, I am begging you!/_ **

Optimus shook his helm, his spark aching as his mate’s desperate voice pleaded with him. **_/I am not so bad off./_** He assured the mech pointedly not looking over his frame more closely as he said it. **_/Hot Rod got me away from most the blast. I am alrig…/_**

 ** _/DON’T YOU LIE TO ME!/_** Ratchet’s voice raged and Optimus unconsciously flinched at the fury he heard in his love’s voice. **_/I am with Hot Rod right now, or WAS until he collapsed after saving me! If your frame looks anything like his you are moments from emergency shutdown!/_**

Optimus laughed sorrowfully. Leave it to Ratchet to be ever vigilant to his wellbeing even… Even if he couldn’t return such a gift. **_Hot Rod, thank you. Thank you for rescuing him when I had to be a h-hero to every… Everyone else…_**

He sighed as he peered down at the mech below him, his frame swaying weakly as he did so but he came to a full halt as what he found was nothing but a grey frame and dark optics. **_What!? No… NO!_**

He fell to his knees, his shaking servos turning the mech’s helm to him as he desperately searched for signs of life. **_No. No… NOOOO! No this isn’t supposed to be happening! This… WE ARE AT PEACE! We were celebrating life! This, this can’t…_**

 ** _/Optimus?/_** Ratchet’s voice was suddenly less angry and far more terrified. **_/Optimus what is wrong? You, your field…/_**

 ** _/Another one, Ratchet./_** Optimus answered brokenly, his servos lowering the dead mech’s helm gently to the ground as he hung his in failure. **_/Another dead under my leadership, my care…/_**

Ratchet was silent for a moment. **_/Optimus please… Come home. This wasn’t your fault, you didn’t do this./_** His love insisted yet Optimus could only see another gone, just like the mech that had been blown to pieces, Arcee mangled, and others still…

 ** _/I am fine Ratchet. I need to find Bumblebee. I love you./_**  Was all Optimus sent before he pulled his field in tight, shut his bond down, and pulled his battered frame up above the flames.

**_A Prime is responsible for every Cybertronian… It is my fault, that mech was aiming for me, calling ME the traitor, a Decepticon sympathizer… He wanted me and as always, so many have to suffer for my existence._ **

The Prime wiped at the tears that had started to fall, steeling his mind and spark as he stumbled further into the flames. He would find them all, all those that suffered, that died because of _him_. He would find them because if he didn’t they would haunt him worst of all… Their screams would be the loudest at night just like every other dead soldier that he had never recovered, that had died alone, and remained forever lost…

……………………….

Ratchet, like Optimus, was raging his own war as he sat in the back of one of the medical shuttles that had overtaken the center of the city. Should he stay here safe and sound with his sparklings or… Or run into the ruins to find his ever burdened love.

He growled as he tried to reach his mate through their bond only to find silence on the other end, Optimus had locked him out! **_Bastard! How dare he lock me away after something like this!_**

He peered at the mech beside him, scanning over young Hot Rod’s battered and bleeding frame as the mech lay in emergency stasis lock. **_He saved Optimus and me… Frag I owe this kid._**

Poor Hot Rod was worse for wear, his entire right side covered in shrapnel and he was bleeding everywhere… **_Optimus, please, please stop being a Prime for once! If you have damage anywhere near the level of this mech… Please…_**

Even as he pleaded quietly for Optimus to take care of himself for once, he knew his love too well to hope his wish would come true.

He knew how stubborn Optimus could be, how adamant he would be about being one of the last to leave the battlefield no matter how damaged he was! He, he could be such a self-sacrificing idiot! **_Damnit Optimus, you have a family to consider now! You can’t just run out and be the hero like before! I need you, our sparklings will!_**

“You holding up alright?”

Ratchet looked up as Knockout stumbled up to the doors of his shuttle, the red medic’s optics wide with shock but they scanned over him with the control of a seasoned medic.

Ratchet sighed as he nodded. “I am, Optimus though…” His voice trailed off and helm fell low.

Knockout nodded sadly rubbing his own bandaged arm as he turned his helm to scan the chaos behind him. “Think they will catch the bastard?” He asked angrily, his red optics skimming the destroyed Commons as rescuers began dosing the flames and ran around taking care of victims.

Ratchet snarled. “I _fucking_ hope so.” How could this happen? Why, _why_ did this happen!? Hadn’t they all been through enough!?

Knockout turned back to him, the younger medic’s optics growing soft. “How are the sparklings?” He asked before clambering into the shuttle and easing himself down next to Ratchet.

Ratchet easily slid over for the former Decepticon, his racing spark easing with the mech’s welcomed distraction. They may not have always gotten along but in the time of peace he had learned to appreciate the younger medic and taken him as protégé in a way.

“They seem well enough, given _everything._ ” Ratchet lamented, his servo rubbing at his chest plates anxiously. “If Optimus hadn’t thrown me Knockout I, I don’t know if we would have liv…” His voice failed him as he considered the wretched alternative compared to what actually happened and he shuddered at the thought.

It had all happened so suddenly! One moment he and Optimus were kissing and joking and the next… Now Optimus was out there, torturing himself as he dug through the dead and Ratchet was here sitting in safety and comfort…

“He is out there in this.” Ratchet whispered brokenly, his emotions getting the best of him as he searched for his love. “He is out there digging through the dead, probably blaming himself the entire time…”

Knockout nodded sadly adjusting his arm as he sighed. “He has a tough job right now. He has a family and yet he is the Prime. All optics are on him and how he responds to this.” The red medic said as he gestured to the reporters that were eagerly recording the rescue efforts.

Ratchet growled, “Not one fragging night can he e-escape their judgement.” He grated out, his optics burning and he wiped at his tears angrily.

He watched as other families came together, lovers crying out as they found their mates or as friends found one another and held to each other tightly but could he and Optimus have that? Would they ever be able to take care of _them_ first?

He rubbed his faceplates roughly, ignoring his aching back and bruised plating as he tried to keep his slag together. There were cameras everywhere and the last thing he needed was to be recorded breaking down as his mate saved the fragging world!

He hated the media in many ways but it was because they were so fickle. If Optimus was here with him some reporters may praise him for his protection over his family while others would lay into their Prime for his selfishness and how he ignored all the rest to take care of his own.

In so many ways Optimus was never truly his and his alone and he would have thought after being bonded to the mech for so long he would have gotten used to it, ignored it and he had, in some ways but now they had sparklings on the way and, and it wouldn’t just be Ratchet Optimus left in the dust as he ran off to save the world.

Ratchet groaned, his helm aching terribly. Between the smoke, the noise, and the bump he was certain adorned the back of his helm, he felt like slag.

Knockout seemed to sense the older mech’s discomfort and placed a servo on his knee. “Hey, you going to the hospital tonight?”

“No. I want to go home.” Ratchet answered gruffly.

“That might not be a good idea.”

Both Knockout and Ratchet looked over to find Jazz limping up to them. The black and white mech was in fairly good shape, some bruised plating and it looked like a twisted ankle but other than that he had escaped any real damage.

Ratchet narrowed his optics at the mech. “Why?” He asked angrily. “Why shouldn’t I go home?”

Jazz snorted, his optics dim as he gestured to the bomb site. “Did you hear what that mech screamed? He was targeting Optimus and _you_ are his mate. Everyone knows where you guys live, Ratchet. If there are more of them out there what is to stop them from taking out your place, or attacking you there?”

Ratchet snarled. “So, so now I can’t even go home!?” He exclaimed, fury rising in his spark.

Jazz put his servos up defensively. “Whoa, I am just telling you the truth mech. I know you are a tough son of a bitch but, but you got little ones…”

Ratchet shook his helm his dermas in a thin line as he grit his denta. “Well, well where the frag am I gonna go!? I don’t know when Optimus will be done here, fragger is blocking our damn bond, and I am fucking tired, and feel like slag, and…” He had to stop as a sob escaped him and he buried his helm into his servos as he fought for control.

**_Don’t breakdown, keep it together! Keep it together for Optimus! But, but WHERE THE FRAG IS OPTIMUS!? I need him! I want to hold him! I want to know he is ok cause, cause no one else fragging CARES! Just as long as he performs his duties, just as long as he saves everyone else!_ **

Knockout wrapped his good arm around the older mech. “Hey, you have friends Ratchet. You aren’t alone in this. You can stay at my place if you want.”

Ratchet chuckled sadly. “And what, set you up as a target?” He lifted his helm, wiping his tears away as he smiled at the other medic. “Thank you mech but, but I can’t do that to you. I, I can stay in the hospital. There will be a little protection there at least.”

“Yes there will.”

The trio looked up as Ironhide walked over to them, a battered and limping Bumblebee hanging off his shoulder.

“Bee!” Ratchet exclaimed, jumping out of the shuttle as he ran to the yellow mech. “Here, come and take my berth, I am fine.”

Bumblebee didn’t complain as he was led up into the shuttle, laying back gratefully as Ratchet began to scan over him.

 ** _Maybe I can’t go home but, but I would rather stay busy helping the victims._** Ratchet thought suddenly, chastising himself for not being useful until now. He and Knockout began to work on the younger mech and he felt his fears ebb a bit as he focused on his job.

**_Oh Optimus, what are we going to do after this? How will this change things? Will we ever get the peace we both desire so badly?_ **

He shook his helm, peering over at Ironhide as the red mech sighed and slumped heavily against the doors to the shuttle. “Have you seen Optimus?” He asked stiffly.

“No, but when I told him I found Bee he radioed that he was going to help in the search for the perpetrator.” Ironhide said wearily and Ratchet nearly screeched with rage.

“He is going after the bomber!? The mech that just tried to _kill him_!?” He bellowed, his frame shaking with fury and a terrible sense of doom.

Ironhide shook his helm helplessly. “I tried Ratchet, tried to get him to come back and get seen but, well he is _livid_. He literally _growled_ at me when I told him to come back and get fixed and said ‘I _want_ him.’ And yeah…” The old mech peered up at Ratchet apologetically. “I don’t if there is any mech that will keep him from hunting that bastard down, maybe… Well, I would have thought he would listen to you.”

Some guttural broken sound ripped from Ratchet’s vocalizer and all of those around him stared at him in surprise. “He locked me out! I can’t even reach him and that stupid, selfish _fragger_ is going after the killer!? ARRRRRRRGH!” He slammed his fist against the inside of the emergency shuttle venting raggedly as his spark thundered within him.

**_Why! Why is he pursuing the killer! He saved who he could and he isn’t a mech for revenge…_ **

_“I want him.”_

Ratchet thought of what Optimus had said to Ironhide, or _growled_ which was odd in and of itself. He had seen or heard Optimus lose it a few times on the field of battle but never had he heard of him growling at his own troops, especially not Ironhide so, so for that to happen, and him _foolishly_ pursue the bomber…

Ratchet shook his helm in frustrated confusion, his weary processor trying to figure out why Optimus would say something so, so odd, _dark_ even when it struck him and he felt his spark fall to his tanks. **_Oh Frag… Not only did that mech kill others but I was right there, I was right where the bomb was set to go off and if we hadn’t reacted just right I would have died… His sparklings would have… Oh no._**

Ratchet keened, now not only was he worried about his mate’s wellbeing and already injured frame but he knew Optimus was a mess right now, had been for a while and with his family being targeted Optimus’s Sire programming would be screaming!

**_He, he could make a huge mistake! He might just kill the mech if, if he can’t control his protocols! Optimus, damnit mech…_ **

Ratchet rubbed his faceplates, turning to Knockout. “I need you to take care of Bee.” He said and the red medic looked at him oddly before nodding.

“Yeah sure.” The red medic called as Ratchet hopped down from the back of the truck. “Wait, where are you going!?”

Ratchet looked at Ironhide and Jazz. “I need you two with me. Have you received any progress on the hunt?” He asked the red mech and Ironhide checked his messages, uncertain what Ratchet would need him for.

“Umm, yes. They have him cornered in the Easter region of the city, you know the part still in ruins.” The weapons master said hesitantly.

Ratchet nodded before scanning over Jazz. “Can you travel?”

Jazz peered from Ironhide to Ratchet. “I can keep up but Ratchet, you should stay here! Prime will kill us if we let you enter that zone! We need to keep you safe.”

Ratchet scoffed as he transformed. “Honestly mech it isn’t you two I am worried about him killing. Optimus is in full Sire programming right now, I am certain of it, and if I am not there to stop him… Let’s just say I don’t know what he will do once he finds the bomber but I have seen what Sire protocols have done to other mechs in the past and, and I wouldn’t put anything past him right now.”

Ironhide and Jazz gaped at one another. “But, but he is Optimus… He is the Prime.” Jazz stuttered yet quickly transformed and Ironhide followed suit.

Ratchet laughed bitterly. “Oh mech, when your family is threatened and Sire programming is active, there is nothing you won’t do to protect them, Prime or not.” He said heavily, revving his engine before racing away from the burning Commons, Jazz and Ironhide racing after him.

**_Please, please let me get there in time! Please let me get to him before he does something he can never come back from! Optimus, please… You are better than this!_ **

**_…………………………._ **

Optimus tore through the streets of Iacon his spark hammering as he raced to the bomber’s last known location.

**_I want him._ **

His frame was running on fumes now, his warning messages coming faster and faster as time passed but none of that mattered to him, he wanted the bastard.

He wanted the bastard that had taken so many sparks, the bastard that had made everyone afraid again, the bastard that had tried to kill him and worst of all, he wanted the _bastard_ that almost took his _family_ from him!

The rage in Optimus’s spark was fiery, burning enough to keep him going even as his frame begged him to stop. Everything that had been building inside him, all of the fear, the anger, the disgust, the helplessness seemed to collect in his very center, it suffocated him, strangled him and tonight, he wanted to let it _snap_.

His wheels screeched around another corner, his side lifting inches off of the street before they slammed back down and he raced on. **_You almost killed them, you killed others and for what!? FOR ME!? Because I hope for a better Cybertron!? Because I want to give everyone a chance at a normal life! A life I will NEVER GET TO LIVE!_**

His radio crackled to life. **:Prime Sir. We have the suspect surrounded in the Eastern Quarter. He ran into one of the ruined buildings there. Air forces can’t seem to get a pin point on him though.:**

Optimus growled. **:No one enter! I don’t want any more deaths tonight. I am on route. Make sure every exit is secured and have someone check on blueprints of buildings in the Eastern section of the city. There used to be underground tunnels, I want to make sure the building he entered didn’t have access to any of those.:**

**:Yes Sir.:**

Optimus didn’t know the city that well considering it had been destroyed early in the war and the Eastern ruins were still _just that_ as restoration hadn’t made it that far just yet. It was a dangerous area at any time much less at night and with a killer on the loose.

The ruins were a wreck, a stain that was a bleak and horrid reminder of just how much the war had crippled their world. The remains of buildings were hard enough to navigate through but on top of that most of the terrain was so damaged that there were pit falls everywhere and those pits that _hadn’t_  collapsed presented an even more dangerous situation. One step in the wrong place and a bot could plummet dozens of feet into the lower tunnel systems.

Optimus grunted as he bounced along the roads, his headlights blazing through the night when he finally came to the edge of the ruins yet instead of stopping he revved his engine high, flying over the rubble as he spotted a huge metal wall not too far from where he was. He roared as he raced towards the slab, his frame shaking terribly as it tore through the debris but he was on target and once his front tires hit the bottom of the wall he drove straight up it and flew off the edge.

His frame twisted, gears and plating whirling around him as he transformed midair. He cycled his optics sharpening them as he fell back to the ground, scanning for a safe place to land before he crashed down heavily. Rubble and debris exploded upwards from where he landed, the jagged pieces pelting his frame just for a moment before he coiled his pistons tight and launched him forwards, continuing his mad dash through the rubble ever focused on his target.

He didn’t have time to contemplate why he was so out of control, why he couldn’t seem to temper his anger… All he knew was some mech had killed, killed innocents and threatened his family, _HIS FAMILY!?_

His engine revved as he sprinted through the broken buildings, his pedes hardly touching the ground longer than a second for how fast he was moving. He jumped over walls, crawled up piles, launched himself over all of it all the while scanning wildly in front of him for pit falls or cracks. He wouldn’t be any help to anyone were he to fall into a hole and either end up mangled or worse, dead.

**_He almost had them! Had I not stood, had Ratchet not stopped our kiss we would be dead, Ratchet… RATCHET, MY SPARKLINGS they would be DEAD! I can’t let him escape! What if he tries again! What if he attacks Ratchet while I am at work!? Working for every other bot while my family suffers for it!_ **

Finally he caught sight of the building his troops had mentioned and he snarled as he quickened his already dangerously fast pace. **_Get him! Find out who he is working for! Find out if there are others and if he doesn’t give me answers I will blow the fragger…_**

He stopped that line of thought, shaking his helm as he fought to control his rage yet at the moment _killing_ the monster sounded very, _very_ tempting.

“It’s Prime!” A voice called and as Optimus sailed over another pile of rubble he was relieved to find many soldiers surrounding the building, all on high alert and ready.

“Report!” He demanded through his ragged vents.

One bot, a former Decepticon by the designation of Onslaught stepped up to him and saluted by pressing his fist to his chest. “No one has been seen entering or leaving since the suspect disappeared within Sir. It looks like this building did not have access to the tunnels but there is always the possibility that the terrain has fallen out so, we are uncertain if he could have escaped underground.”

Optimus scanned the bottom of the building, searching for any signs that would point to severe foundation damage or destruction to the ground beneath it and he sighed internally as it seemed rather intact. “I am going in.” He said sternly, making to walk into the building when Onslaught caught his arm.

“Sir! That is suicide! If he has more weapons and… Prime, look at your fra…”

“I AM GOING IN!” Optimus roared instantly silencing any further argument as his troops stepped away from the raging mech. Optimus scanned them all feverishly, challenging any of them to question him again yet all remained silent. “Good.” He muttered and again began making his way into the ruined building as he transformed his two servos to his rifles.

He ducked under the entrance, quickly adjusting his optics to the low light that surrounded him. **_Where are you monster!?_**

He walked carefully, well, as carefully as he could given his energy was quickly waning and his frame had begun to shake but still he ignored the warning messages and pressed on.

Nearly half of the building was still somewhat intact leading to around three dilapidated levels above him. Most of the walls and uppers floors were in ruins though and he could see the search lights from both his ground crews as well as flight frames that circled the building through all of the holes.

He wormed his way silently over the rubble, hoping the noise outside would cover most of the sounds he made yet as he searched he could find no sign of the little teal mech that had so brutally obliterated his night.

 ** _Come on, where could he be hiding!?_** Optimus vented painfully as his energy continued to leave him, his frame shaking far more now yet his fury kept him on his pedes, he would not let this demon remain free! He needed to take him down now before he had another chance to hurt anyone, to hurt his family!

He was just about to make it to the center of the lower floor when his right leg abruptly collapsed from under him. He growled as he landed hard on his wounded knee, agony tearing up his through his thigh all the way to his lower back and he had to stop as he fought the dizziness that swarmed his helm. **_No, no you need to move! You need to find him! HE NEEDS TO PAY FOR HIS CRIMES!_**

Gritting his denta hard and using the piles of wreckage around him he tried to lift himself back up to his pedes but as his weight fell upon one of the hills of rubble it immediately crumbled sending the already weak Prime crashing down hard.

His faceplates slammed into the ground, cutting a jagged line up the left side and again his intake filled with energon though not by any external wounds.

 ** _Something inside… Damaged…_** He realized grimly as he finally paid attention to some of the warnings long enough to realize that one of his tanks had been torn into by something. He groaned miserably as he got to his knees, his shaking servos searching blindly along his abdominal plating for what had impaled him so deeply and he frowned as he felt the sharp tip of a piece of shrapnel sticking out of him right where his primary tank was located. **_S-Scrap…_**

He coughed once more forcing more energon to pour from his intake and with every gush of the precious liquid his fury grew and his strength faltered. **_NO! No I can’t s-stop! He needs to be taken down! I, HE HURT MY FAMILY!_**

“You survived it seems, sort of.”

Optimus’s optics bulged as a voice echoed around him through the dark. He scanned the ruins blearily desperate to find the source. “Yes.” He grated out, his voice gruff and filled with static. “But many others didn’t!”

“They weren’t my targets but as they did support a corrupted Prime, I suppose it worked out in the end.” The voice answered him and Optimus roared.

“HOW DARE YOU! They were good bots! They did nothing to you and you… Arrrgh! Why!? Why did you do this!?” Optimus raged, again trying to stand but even though he had tried to manually shut down the majority of his pain sensors his continued lack of control had them flashing on and off intermittently.

“You betrayed us Prime. You betrayed your people, the bots that fought with you, fought _for you_ , DIED FOR YOU! You betrayed us all when you stopped Megatron’s execution!”

Optimus blinked weakly into the darkness, that is what this was all about!? That is why so many had to die and his family was threatened!?

“So killing others will solve that!?” He asked incredulously, trying to give himself some time to gather a little more energy. He was fairly certain where the voice was coming from and all he needed was just a little more strength before he could…

“I wasn’t aiming for the others Prime, I had to work with what I had besides… When are you ever alone? When are you ever not surrounded by your weak sycophants, _your fans_?” The voice hissed back bitterly.

“MY FAMILY WAS THERE!” Optimus screamed, his fury rising once more. “SPARKLINGS! You could have killed my CHILDREN!”

“MEGATRON KILLED MINE!” The bot snapped in return. “And you, YOU LET HIM LIVE!?”

Optimus’s rage faltered, his processor reeling with what this mech had just told him.

He heard the mech growl. “You are supposed to be our leader, the one we can put our faith in! THE BEST OF US but instead, you don’t want to get your servos dirty. Well, as of tonight they now have plenty of energon on them, don’t they?”

Optimus could hardly vent, his previous anger oddly being washed away with the pain and sorrow that filled the other mech’s voice, nevermind his own guilt about all that had been lost tonight.

“I… I am just trying to stop the death! I am trying to make Cybertron a better place…” He said brokenly, his resolve fading and as it did the pain and weakness that he had been ignoring for so long began to take hold of him.

“You are failing us Prime. You see, tonight, tonight is just the beginning. Not all of your former Autobots are blind to your supposed _glory!_ We see the puppet you have become, the gains you are trying to receive by suckering up to those wretched Decepticons! You call them _Cybertronians_!? THEY DESTROYED OUR PLANET! THEY KILLED THOUSANDS! They ripped families apart, THEY RIPPED MINE APART!”

“MEGATRON GAVE HIMSELF UP! WE ARE AT PEACE!” Optimus cried, coughing up more energon for the force it took him to scream louder than the troops outside.

“Peace…” The little mech scoffed, his voice far louder than it had been before and as Optimus lifted his helm up from his coughing attack he finally spotted the mech not twenty feet in front of him.

He gasped, lifting his rifle up as he growled at the mech. “You killed innocents!” He snarled, his arm shaking with the effort of keeping his weapon raised.

“As has Megatron and yet you spare him and force us, _your soldiers_ to now live next to these monsters, work with them, _accept_ them!? Accept them as normal citizens!? How is that possible Prime!?” The little mech asked, ignoring the rifle pointed at him as he made his way over the rubble. As he moved closer to Optimus, the Prime noticed the terrible damage that covered the mech’s plating, it mirrored his own.

**_So he didn’t make it out of the blast unscathed either?_ **

“How dare you force your blind ideals on me, on those that have lost so much!” The bot hissed heatedly. “How dare you expect us to smile at them when, when all I can see in them _every DAY_ are the very same bots that came into my peaceful town and tore _everything_ and _everyone_ that ever meant slag to me APAAAART!?”

Optimus frowned at the mech’s words. “We, we were at war. There were towns from b-both sides that suffered…”

“Ohhh, _frag you_!” The little mech spat in disgust. “I am not talking about some town that was unfortunate enough to _get in the war’s way._  I am talking about planned and targeted destruction and you, _you_ want us all to be _friends_ with these mechs!? How dare you expect me to walk pass them on the streets and not hear my sparklings cry as they watched their Carrier be blasted to BITS in front of them!? How dare you ask me to sit next to them on the shuttle when all I FEEL IN MY SPARK is the empty hole where my bonded and my CHILDREN USED TO BEEEE!? HOOOOOW!?”

The mech was now very close to Optimus, well within range for a quick and easy shot yet, as much as his Sire protocols demanded _justice_ for what is family had been through and his Prime side demanded justice for those that had died Optimus found himself frozen by the mech’s words.

“I…” He started weakly but honestly, he didn’t know what to say. What _could_ he say, sorry? Sorry for asking you to fight with me, suffer for me for _so long_  through a seemingly endless war, and at the end of it all, force you to sit by your family’s murders and share energon with them like, like none of it ever mattered?

_**I, I didn't... I don't know what to say...** _

“They died, my children and the last thing their b-beautiful i-innocent optics got to see was their Carrier’s frame being blown apart before them, his blood raining down on their little frames until those bastards turned those same weapons on them, and fired.” The mech said brokenly, his voice far softer now as he knelt in front of Optimus, his dim pain filled optics boring into Optimus’s. “Do you know why my town was attacked so brutally, do you?” He asked yet Optimus just remained in his shocked silence. “It is because we had celebrated our new Prime and supported his cause.”

The little mech chuckled darkly, shaking his helm as tears filled his optics. “Over half the town had enlisted to fight with you Prime, myself included and our families, our friends they, they _suffered terribly_ for it. The worst part was, none of us that were enlisted were even there to protect them when it happened. We were in training camp and only discovered out family’s fates when we were all sent data sticks from what we _thought_ were our loved ones only... Instead of them being filled with home movies filled with love, and _hope_ we received recordings of what those bastards did to all of our loved ones! We got to watch our families being butchered back home as we fought and trained for YOU!”

Optimus lowered his helm, his memory files burning as he realized the truth of the mech’s words. In the beginning or the war, when they began to recruit outside of the normal army and engage citizens, he remembered many of the smaller towns and cities that supported the Autobots being targeted by Megatron’s troops.

Now, if Megatron himself had ordered the attacks or they were orchestrated by some deplorable underling without their leader’s consent, no one knew, but it was a very real and terrible problem for a time.

How the Decepticons discovered what troops the Autobots were recruiting and from what towns remained a mystery to this day but when they discovered a town that supplied numerous troops they would send in a battalion and ravage it after the recruits were away. They would then send recordings of their attacks to the new recruits afterwards. It had been an awful yet effective tactic as many of the new recruits lost their processors as they watched their families murdered and the suicides that followed…  They haunted the Prime to this day.

Optimus keened, his rifle arm falling as he met those raging and yet wretchedly sorrowful optics. “So tell me Prime,” The little mech continued, his faceplate scrunched in fury. “How, how can you ask more of me, more than everything I had already given for you and the Autobot cause?”

Optimus felt numb from helm to pedes, the mech’s story rocking him to his core and as he knelt before the mech, injured and weak, at this mech’s mercy he almost, _almost_ wished the mech would just take his fury out on him…

“I, I am s-sorry.” He whispered and even though it was such a simple statement the _weight_ it held was tangible.

The little mech before him laughed, wiping the tears from his bleeding faceplates as he nodded. “I believe you are.” He said sadly. “But I know that isn’t going to change your processor is it? None of this is.”

Optimus’s vented out, his spark racing, aching with a level of guilt and sorrow he had foolishly thought he would never have to feel again after peace and he shook his helm. “It won’t.” He said quietly yet his voice seemed to boom around him.

The little mech nodded with a small smile. “Well, at least you are honest.” He said, his voice equally as quiet and hollow sounding as Optimus’s. “I liked you ya know. I didn’t kill myself then because, because I wanted to stand and fight those monsters. I wanted to make sure that slag _never_ happened to another family but, but I can’t…” The bot had to stop as more tears filled his optics and he laughed at his weakness. “There will be more assassination attempts Prime, there are lots of us that, that feel this way. I will give you that warning for your honesty.”

Optimus coughed again, his mind racing with what that single sentence could mean for him and his family. “And you?” He asked the teal mech carefully, knowing full well he was at the mech’s mercy.

“I failed and I don’t have it in me to… I have nothing, nothing left to fight for… But even though I appreciate your honesty and I may have failed in killing you, I can still show you just what your failure as a Prime has done to your people. One last way I can illustrate to you just what that creature Megatron has wrought on your followers and maybe, just maybe this can change your spark.” The mech said, his voice hardening as he forced his battered frame to his pedes before opening his sub space and pulling out a tiny blaster.

For just a moment Optimus thought the mech had lied, that this was the last moment of his life and he wished he had gotten to say goodbye to Ratchet. **_Ratchet, love… I am so sorry, I should have listened to you!_**

He watched in frozen silence as the mech placed his servo over his chest in a salute and suddenly he felt very confused. **_What is he…_**

“Captain Bolt, 15th Ground Division in this Prime’s army, 15879.”

Optimus stared up at the mech, his optics widening as he heard the mech sound off his designation, rank, and serial number it was something troops were taught to do to provide them focus during torture and it was their last attempt to be identified in case they ceased to function...

 “No! No WAIT!” He screamed, his servos transforming as he tried to crawl towards the mech to stop him.

“I gave you everything Prime and you have only failed me, failed so many of us. My service is completed, Sir.” The mech said mournfully, lifting his blaster to his helm and…

“NOOOOOO!” Optimus screeched, his frame jerking as a loud boom sounded and light filled the bottom floor the ruined building and he watched, almost in slow motion as the mech’s frame fell limply to the floor, the clang of metal echoing in his audials and suddenly, everything seemed so silent.

“No, no…” Optimus whispered, dragging his frame across the debris, once again numb to the pain that wracked his body as he moved up next to the mech and whimpered as he spotted the mech’s crackling, sparking remains of his helm. “Nooo, nooo please… Please.” He begged, his servos trying to lift the mech, hold him…

**_Ohhhh GODS! Oh gods! Oh help… Help…_ **

A broken wretched moan tore from him as he cradled the dead mech, sitting in the dusty dirty ruins his frame covered in numerous mech’s energon as he rocked back and forth.

**_Gods! I… I was so angry and, and I didn’t… I was going to murder him and now… After everything he has been through! What… What am I?_ **

_“PRIIIME!”_

A voice called to him but Optimus hardly heard. **_He, he lost so much and was driven to such drastic measures… He… He lost e-every…_**

_“OPTIMUS!?”_

More screams yet they were merely were lost in the chaos that overtook his spark and mind. **_I don’t… Why? WHY!?_**

Pede steps sounded and flashlights shone on him but it all seemed like a dream now. He felt servos fall to his shoulders, questions were asked, and voices filled the space.

**_I did this… I did this to him… I drove him to this._ **

_“Prime please!? HEEEY! We need a medical officer here!”_

Optimus felt servos trying to pull the frame from his arms but he growled savagely at them and merely held the mech tighter.   ** _NOOO! I DID THIS! I brought him to this! I brought him to killing today! I forced him to smile at his children’s murders… I forced him to sit with them, to accept them… Yet, I also mowed down innocents, just as Megatron did. Innocents that also wished to protect their loved ones…_**

**_Are Megatron and I so different?_ **

_“Over here! He isn’t responding!”_

**_We could not always control all of those around us and yet, we were the faces, the ones everyone looked to for answers._ **

_“I think he is in shock.”_

_“Do you think he killed the mech?”_

_“I don’t know but the caliber of the blast seems to come from this mech’s blaster.”_

**_Megatron your troops destroyed so many… Did you know? Do I know how many mine destroyed?_ **

_“A medic is here!”_

_“He won’t let go and his optics aren’t dilating!”_

**_Megatron… Have we ruined it all? I never asked to be a Prime, I never asked for this weight._ **

_“Optimus, please, let go of him.”_

There was another tug and he snarled at those around him and his spark eased as they backed off again.

**_No one understands. No one understands what it means to be the face of everything… No one but you and I, Megatron and look, look where it has gotten us…_ **

“Get off of him! All of you!”

Optimus whimpered as a new voice filtered through his haze. He lifted his helm, his spark aching, _longing_ for its other half and a sob escaped him as he saw his mate run to him.

“R-Ratchet…” He moaned, his frame suddenly relaxing as his love stumbled towards him and he felt numerous servos catch him before he fell onto his back.

“Optimus, love… Did, did you sh-shoot him!? Did you k-kill this mech!?” His mate asked, fear and panic in his voice.

Optimus sobbed, his frame rising and arms searching as he tried to reach out to his love. “No… He, he did it. He did it because of... Because of meeee... ” He wailed; unaware of those around him for all he saw was his bonded, his family, his _glue_ and as Ratchet wrapped his arms around him tightly Optimus broke.

“Help, h-help… Ratchet... I am l-lost.” He stuttered out in a desperate whisper, his frame jerking more and more until he suddenly moaned, his frame arching awkwardly in Ratchet’s arms and he fell into a full seizure.

Ratchet’s optics bulged, “He is seizing!” He screamed to those around them, his spark feeling every jolt of agony that his lover’s did. “I need a regulator!”

Optimus was hardly aware of anything as he was laid upon the energon covered rubble, his mind and spark in tatters, his frame jerking wildly around him as his mate, his love shoved something between his denta and, and he screamed.

He _screamed._

“AAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!”

Everyone that surrounded the couple watched in silent horror, some covering their audials for the wretched sound that ripped from their Prime but Ratchet, Ratchet forced himself to ignore it all.

**_Just stop his surge! Focus on that! I need to calm him down! He, he is overriding his own circuitry, he is causing the imbalance of energy!_ **

Ratchet raced to settle his love’s spark, those around him helping when the medic asked, and they got the tools the medic needed but Prime’s cries… They would echo within their dreams, waking or not, for far too long for they were cries of a mech that was at the end of his rope, at the end of his…

“I am here Optimus.” Ratchet whispered as he set up his tools, his optics constantly flickering between his setup and his mate. “I am here love, you need to vent, you are causing your energy to surge too quickly.”

He set up the small machine clamping two clips to his mate’s chest plates before activating the resistor attached to the wires.

“UNNNNNGGG!” Optimus’s back arched off the ground as all of the energy that had been firing wildly through his systems was abruptly halted.

“It will hurt love, but only for a moment.” Ratchet said softly, uncertain if Optimus could even hear him but he had noticed since he had started talking Optimus's screams had ebbed and for now he had fallen silent.

Ratchet focused, hope glowing in his spark as he expanded his field, filling it with love and comfort as he turned the equipment’s knob and redirected the energy so that it would enter the battery attached at the other end, effectively lessening the charge in Optimus by sucking it out into another storage device.

He waited a moment or two, Optimus’s frame jerking as he was drained of the charge, odd chirps and screeches coming from his vocalizer all through the process until  finally Ratchet felt he had taken enough and turned the knob once more to redirect the flow, albeit far slower, back into Optimus.

The Prime fell heavily to the ground, his vents ragged and strained as he shook on the blood soaked ground.

“There we go, there we are.” Ratchet cooed at him, his own frame shaking with the anxiety and raging field he could feel coming from his mate. Optimus still had his bond mostly shut but given the level of emotions and stress the larger mech was suffering through he couldn’t keep it completely hidden and every time a wave hit Ratchet he felt sick for what his mate was emitting. **_Optimus… You should have just come to me! Just… Just look at what has happened to you…_**

Sense was finally returning to the Prime and as his energy evened out and his frame stopped seizing he merely lay there feeling… Well, he didn’t know how to describe it.

Ratchet vented out, finally turning the machine off and sitting back on his heels as he rubbed at his faceplates. **_Primus why… Why put him through more, why put all of us through more!?_**

“Ratchet? Can we move the Prime?”

Ratchet wearily peered above him to find First Aid standing there, the usually plucky little mech looking worn and despairing. “Yeah, yeah bring in a stretcher.” He muttered with a slow nod before turning to peer at his love. “Optimus? Hey, we are going to put you on a stretcher now, alright?”

The Prime’s helm lolled, turning to face his mate yet his optics remained unfocused and very dim. “Ratchet…” He whispered, his voice so low that Ratchet needed to lean in to hear him. “I almost… I was going to k-kill…”

Ratchet sighed, lowering himself so that he could hug the larger mech. “But you didn’t love. You didn’t.”

“He s-shot himself.” Optimus said numbly. “He said it was my f-fault.”

Ratchet growled, raising his helm as he scowled down at his mate. “Optimus what he did was his fault and his alone! He killed those bots, he…”

“You don’t understand.” Optimus interrupted quietly before turning his helm away and shuttering his optics.

Ratchet vented out harshly, half of him wanting to tear into Optimus and yell at him for being so stupid to believe a murdering bastard but, but he knew Optimus needed patience more than anything right now and with a forced sigh he nodded. “Maybe I don’t love but, but just rest now. Just rest.”

Optimus nodded, his optics still shut and helm turned away but Ratchet’s spark soared as he felt his mate’s trembling servo nudge his and he smiled as he let it curl around his.

“I love you Ratchet.” Optimus whispered.

“And I love you, Optimus. They are here with the stretcher now, let’s get you fixed up.” Ratchet said gently, moving out of the way as others came and helped pick Optimus up and place him on the stretcher and making sure to re-clasp his mate’s servo the moment they he was able to as he walked with the crew as they carried Optimus out of the bloody ruins.

They set Optimus down carefully in one of the smaller emergency vehicles and had Ratchet not been a medical professional he was sure he wouldn’t have been able to ride with his love given there was only enough for one medic but as it was…

First Aid smiled sadly as Ratchet crawled up into the back of the shuttle. “Hey, I will meet you there.” The little mech said and Ratchet nodded to the mech.

“Thanks mech.” He responded as he settled in next to Optimus and sat down.

First Aid nodded back before stepping back and closing the doors, banging on them to signal to the pilot they were ready.

 As they lifted off the ground Ratchet set up an energon drip and placed sensors along the larger mech’s frame. Optimus was so silent through it all he almost thought the mech had fallen into recharge or even emergency stasis until he heard a small sob escape the mech.

He frowned, his helm rising as he scanned Optimus’s faceplates and he felt his spark ache as he spotted tears falling from his mate’s shuttered optics. “Optimus, love… We are alone, we are safe, let… Let me in?” He asked gently, wishing Optimus would open their bond so that he could help or, or at least understand what was going on with his love.

He knew Optimus was probably blaming himself for what happened in the Commons, the deaths, and injuries, as well as furious with himself for even contemplating killing his attacker but from the little bits he had received from the larger mech as his bond fluctuated, it seemed his pain went far deeper than that.

“I… I c-can’t…” Optimus brokenly answered, his servo going up to hide his faceplates as he cried behind it. “I don’t w-want you t-to f-feel th-this.”

Ratchet huffed in frustration and confusion. “Optimus I am your mate. Out of all the world you should be able to be real with…”

“P-please?” Optimus begged, another sob escaping him as his other servo reached out for Ratchet’s. “Just, just don’t l-leave me. That’s g-good.”

Ratchet sighed, wrapping both of his servos around Optimus’s before raising it to his lips and kissing the back of it. “I am not going anywhere, mech.” Ratchet said quietly and he kept that promise. He was there as they carted Optimus’s silent frame off the shuttle, right outside of the room during his surgery, and he was right there with the mech when he finally was wheeled into his recovery room.

He sat down heavily in the chair next to Optimus’s berth, his optics scanning over his unconscious mate as he held his servo tightly.

**_I will never leave you Optimus, never…But, but please… Please do the same, for me?_ **

His helm lifted as he heard a bunch of voices outside of their door and he growled protectively until they passed. So far they had had no trouble with reporters, or had had to give statements over what happened that night and Ratchet was grateful for it, of course _tomorrow_ , well that would be a different story. **_Well, at least he has a small chance to rest right now and with our guards…_**

Even though the bomber had… Well, since he wasn’t a problem anymore Ultra Magnus had insisted on having two guards posted outside of their room at all times. Ratchet hadn’t disagreed though he despised the thought that this might just be what their life was like now. Not only would they never have a private moment in public but would they now have to be surrounded by guards in and out of their home? Optimus would lose his processor and Ratchet, Ratchet didn’t like many bots as it was, he wouldn’t last long being watched every breem of the day.

**_Pffft, my guards would need guards to protect them from me._ **

The medic smiled wearily at the thought, yet the weight of that actually becoming a reality hung on his shoulders heavily. A yawn escaped him as his servo held his tired helm up as he stared at his mate. He knew he should get some rest and they were lucky enough to have their own secluded room with two berths unlike the other victims that were laid out in long halls with curtains separating them but his mind just wouldn’t stop running.

Ratchet had walked by the victims unit, checking in quickly when Optimus was being prepared for surgery and he had felt sick with how many injured there actually were. In total there were six deaths tonight and at least twenty injured to varying degrees, two more were expected to not make the night but until their spark went out Ratchet had learned through his many years in medicine that it was better to hope for recovery rather than count them off… Kept the doctors fighting for them all along the way.

**_So much death and destruction and then the fragger just took his own life…_ **

He peered at Optimus, his spark so heavy it felt like he had swallowed a boulder. **_Just what happened when you faced the bomber Optimus? What stayed your servo, what kept you from killing him?_**

The old medic sighed once more, rubbing his optics as he thought of what he had felt in Optimus’s field earlier, it had been chaos. Complete and utter chaos. The mech had been in such a state of shock and agony that it had sent him into a seizure, Optimus had sent _himself_ into a fragging seizure and, and that scream…

Ratchet keened as that wretched, ragged sound rang in his helm. To hear such a scream from any mech was disturbing enough but to hear it from Optimus, to hear it from the Prime, to hear it from his _mate…_

**_It sounds like you are breaking love, shattering from the inside out and I… I feel I can only watch your destruction… What are you keeping from me? What has been happening to you? Is it, is it your therapy, is it the Sire program, or the war or… Or all of it? Why won’t you let me in?_ **

“R-Ratchet?”

A hushed and groggy voice called to him and Ratchet was immediately on his pedes and at Optimus’s berth side. “Hey you.” He said quietly, surprised Optimus was awake at all given how much they drugged him.

Optimus’s optics flickered on, their light still dim but far less painful looking. “Hey you... H-have you s-slept?” He asked his voice gruff from the smoke and heat it had suffered.

Ratchet chuckled, leave it to Optimus to immediately think about everybody else. “No, but my helm is full. How are you doing? Do you need some fuel, extra blankets, some…”

“J-just you.” Optimus interrupted with a weary sigh and he lifted his arm on his good side as if inviting Ratchet onto the small berth with him.

Ratchet frowned nervously. “Optimus, I don’t want to hurt…”

“Please?” Optimus asked and the sudden tone of desperation that filtered through his voice silenced all of Ratchet’s doubt and he nodded in defeat.

The medic grunted as he pulled himself up on the berth, careful to not put too much weight on the mech as he snuggled into the tight space and Optimus wrapped his arm up his back and across his side, pulling him in tight.

“B-better.” Was all Optimus said as he smiled and instantly fell back into his drug induced recharge.

Ratchet chuckled, shaking his helm before kissing the side of Optimus’s helm. “I love you, Optimus.” He whispered, nuzzling his helm into the crook of Optimus’s neck and trying to find  enough peace in his spark to recharge.

  _ **Tonight was a nightmare and t**_ _ **omorrow we will relive it all through questions and reports, please let us rest well tonight Primus. Let our dreams be of sparklings and hope not... Demons and death-tolls... Please?**_

He shut his optics, throwing his arm protectively over his mate as he prayed to the ever silent deity. Many times he didn't know why he even tried anymore, having seen too much death and madness in his life to believe Primus even cared about his creations any longer and not a moment later, as if fate decided to prove that depressing fact to him, he heard Optimus whimper in his sleep and he _growled_.

_**Fuck you, Primus...** _


	8. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am so sorry it has been so long since an update but... In retrospect instead of presenting you with one 2000 word chapter every other week or so I give you one nearing 10,000 words every month or so... sometimes sooner soo Yay! Hahaha.  
> ... ... I have no excuse hahaha.  
> Well I do but it is the same ... I am just writing too many stories at one time sooo, yeah.  
> ANYWHO! This chapter flowed so easily. I do love this story, I love Ratchet, and poor Optimus... Poor sweet, innocent, optimistic, Optimus..  
> So, sorry for errors and I hope you enjoy... Next chapter shall be fluff, I need some damn fluff

Ratchet had woken early the next day but more due to the constant medical assistants that had plagued his rest and checked on him and Optimus through the night. He had eventually given up on trying to sleep and pulled himself gently from his love’s arms and gotten to his pedes.

 ** _Arrrgh, I feel like slag…_** He stumbled a bit, his entire back feeling like he had been hit with a shuttle as he limped to the chair next to the berth and sat down heavily in it. He began stretching his aching cables when the door opened for the _hundredth_ time and found an intern smiling as he entered quietly.

“Good morning Ratchet. How did you recharge?” The mech asked cheerily and Ratchet almost threw the chair right in the fragger’s faceplates but forced himself to smile back instead.

“Sore but rested enough, I guess.” He answered gruffly as he peered over at Optimus, relieved to find the mech still sleeping soundly. “How’s his chart look?”

The intern grabbed the data pad at the end of the berth and handed it to Ratchet. “Nice to have a patient that understands this slag for himself.” He said with that irritating grin and Ratchet hummed in agreement as he turned the pad on and scanned over it.

**_Hmmm, his spark is still giving erratic energy signals but, but he isn’t too bad off. Probably a good idea if he stays at the hospital for now… Not like we can go home._ **

Ratchet sighed as he handed the pad back to the intern and he sat back in his chair rubbing his optics wearily. **_We can’t go home…_**

He had known they would need a new place to live anyways with the sparklings on the way but to have the most pressing reason for them needing to move now being that they were a target… It hurt.

It hurt deeply.

**_Everything is going change now, isn’t it?_ **

As if fate consistently needed to have the last laugh there was a knock at the door before Ultra Magnus walked in and Ratchet had to tighten his throat for the growl that wanted to escape. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the mech _necessarily_ just, he knew _why_ Magnus was here and honestly he didn’t have the fraggin energy to deal with it.

The huge mech nodded at him, his helm turning as he peered at Optimus silently for a moment. “Ratchet, might I have a word with you?” He finally asked, turning back to the medic after his odd inspection.

Ratchet groaned. **_Right, why not have this as the first thing I do when I wake up… Wonderful._**

He begrudgingly stood though and stumbled towards the door. “We can talk out there, Optimus has been through enough and I don’t want to wake him.”

Magnus nodded before opening the door, letting Ratchet hobble through first and then following him. The two mech’s walked down the hall a ways, finding a place where there was a bench set against one of the walls but not before Ratchet spied the two guards that were stationed outside of Optimus’s door. **_I guess this is our life now… Magnificent._**

It wasn’t that he wasn’t grateful for the protection but the thought of constantly needing to be watched, especially given how high profile their life was already, just ate at him deeper.

He sat down on the bench with a pained moan, his servos rubbing at his lower back a bit before he peered up at the still standing Magnus. “Well?” He asked gruffly and the larger mech vented in slowly before speaking.

“I am certain you are aware that there will need to be some changes after last night.” Magnus started and Ratchet scoffed but let him continue. “The Council has decided to appoint both of you with constant guards for the time being. Jazz has offered his services as well as the young Hot Rod, I have agreed with their requests.”

Ratchet rubbed at his faceplates. “Do I or Optimus have any say in this?” He asked bitterly but he already knew the answer.

“No.” Magnus confirmed his suspicions without a shutter of his optics. “It is for your safety Ratchet. Obviously the Prime is being targeted and…”

“No shit.” Ratchet growled. “But do you really think bringing Jazz or the kid in is going to solve anything!? I really have no desire to add to the death toll me or Optimus have under our servos, if someone is going to attack they aren’t gonna hesitate just because there are innocents…”

“As was clarified last night.” Magnus retorted evenly and the medic scowled at him. “But, having extra optics on the two of you will help ease the fears of many. We want to do everything in our power to…”

“To what!?” Ratchet asked heatedly his exhaustion and frustration getting the better of him, as it _sometimes did_ and he let it bubble over, thrived off it and let it fuel him. “You know maybe if your fellow Senators would just calm the _fuck_ down about Optimus’s request to spare Megatron then maybe the citizens wouldn't feel so incited to attack him!” The medic huffed as the pain in his back screamed at him. “I mean what side are you on Magnus!? Having Optimus go to therapy, forcing him to meet with Megatron, I swear every time he goes to one of those meetings he comes back just a little more broken inside! YOU COULD STOP THIS!”

At this point Ratchet’s voice had carried throughout the hall but honestly he didn’t care. He was livid! No one in the Council, or Senate or whatever the frag it was called was giving his mate the respect he deserved! Far from it actually!

Maybe, just MAYBE if they didn’t whisper behind their filthy servos about how Optimus was wrong, how he wasn’t fit to make such a decision NONE of this would have happened!

“Ratchet,” Magnus said calmly, ignoring the bots that stared at them all along the hall. “We are _all_ struggling with what has gone on since the restoration of Cybertron began…”

“Oh _frag that_!” Ratchet spat back heatedly. “Magnus you are so tightly wound by rules and regulations that you don’t even see what has been going on with your _friend_! Well, I SEE IT! I get to see it every night! I see how, how isolated he feels, how one-sided all of the Senators are and…”

“I am doing the _best_ I can!” Magnus exclaimed, a rare show of emotion coming from the larger mech as his voice cracked a bit. “Ahem…” He cleared his vocalizer then and fell back to his usual stoic stance and expression. “Ratchet, the Prime is a friend of mine but I do have a job to do, orders to uphold. It wasn’t my decision to force him into therapy but given his choices recently I... I do not think they were wrong in their assessment of…”

“ _Fuck you_.” Was all Ratchet said as he stood, not even feeling the pain in his back as he began to march back to his room. He heard Magnus sigh before the mech began to follow him and Ratchet spun just outside the door to face the mech. “What now!?”

“We are not done, Ratchet. I need your account of last night, and I also need to inform you of your new quarters.” Magnus said stiffly and Ratchet gaped up at him.

 ** _N-new quarters?_** The medic was silent for a klik, his processor reeling with the larger mech’s words before a rumble sounded deep in his chassis.

“ _What_ new quarters?” He grated out and Magnus sighed at the tone of his voice.

“You are clearly in danger where you are now so the Senate has secured new, discreet quarters for you and Optimus. It is in a very safe and well-protected location that will provide aid quickly should the two of you be attacked. This is NOT a request.” He added sternly as the medic’s optics flashed.

Ratchet wiped his intake with his servo roughly, his spark hammering as he glared at the mech before him. “What else are they going to take from us Magnus? What other choice, what other freedom? You, you want my fraggin _sparklings_ too mech!?”

“We are doing this for your family’s protection, Ratchet!” Magnus shouted, pulling more and more attention to their conversation. “I would have thought you would be grateful for it!”

“ _Grateful!?_ ” Ratchet was seething now, it felt like every small joy in their life was now being slowly ripped away. Would he and Optimus ever have a moment alone, a moment of peace where his mate could be HIMSELF!?

“You want me to be grateful now that my family will not just be under constant surveillance, constant guard but we also have no say in where we live!? Well you can just FUCK OFF!” He screamed, jabbing his digit into the larger mech’s chest not so gently.

Magnus’s optic twitched at the jab. “We need to secure our Prime, mech.”

“HE IS MORE THAN JUST A PRIME!” Ratchet yelled, his last nerve snapping as he stomped up to Magnus, his optics blazing. “This is a mech we are talking about here! It is _my_ family! Maybe for just a minute if everyone would stop looking at him like some GOD we could live in fraggin PEACE!”

Magnus vented out, his faceplates falling to their controlled visage once more. “Ratchet he _is_ a Prime and with that comes certain obligations. As his mate you should know that more than any. Prime’s don’t get the luxury of living simply and if you have such a problem with his duties I wonder why you chose to become his mate at all.”

“THAT’S IT!” Ratchet cried, more than ready to jump the fraggin mech when a roar erupted from the door behind him and a crash. His anger at Magnus quickly evaporated to nothing as he spun on his heel, his spark overwhelmed from the chaos that suddenly filled it and he rushed to open the door. **_Optimus! What is happening to him!?_**

Both he, Magnus, and the guards ran in all at once Ratchet in the lead and he froze as Optimus’s rifle swung right up into his faceplates as his mate snarled savagely behind it. **_O-Optimus… Please don’t shoot…_**

**_…………………._ **

Optimus had been dreaming…

_He was sitting at a window, the sky just coming into the brilliant fire of dawn and he sighed at the sight of it._

_A little chirp pulled the titan from his rest and he smiled as he turned from the view to see two little cradles behind him. **My sparklings…** He thought happily as he grunted and got to his pedes walking quietly over to the berths as his spark sang._

_He relished in the warmth he felt, in the hope, and promise of a future that cooed and chirped before him. He didn’t recognize the room he was in but felt at peace there. **Perhaps our new home?** He wondered idly as he moved himself between the two berths and stared down at the bundles of blankets therein. _

_A soft chuckle came from him as he reached down, worried the mesh would suffocate the little ones when he noticed an odd stain of blue seeping into blankets of one cradle._

_He frowned as he leaned in close, his optics widening and sense of peace gone as he realized what was slowly filling the cradle was energon!_

**_NO! Oh gods!_ **

_“RATCHET!?” He screamed for his mate, ripping the blanket from his sparkling just to scream in horror at what he found. Instead of his little one, a helm lay there, the grisly thing severed from its frame, its empty optics staring up at him as energon poured from its neck._

_“You failed us.” A deep evil voice came from the monstrosity yet its dead lips never moved. “You failed your people! Your frame drips with the energon that was spilt for you and look… Look at what you have become!”_

_Optimus roared, stumbling back as energon began to pour out from between his seams, pouring down from each of his plates. He wiped at it madly, his optics burning as more and more of it covered him. “Nnnn… NOOOO! PLEASE!?”_

_“The blood of your followers will never wash from your treacherous frame, Prime. Not even your love shall escape what you have become!”_

_Optimus vented madly, turning and running out of the room as energon continued to flow out from his every plate. He stumbled, slipping in the vile liquid and fell to his knees._

_“You cannot run from this.” A new voice called to him and he raised his helm up to find Ratchet standing before him._

_“R-Ratchet! H-Help me!?” He begged lifting his dripping servo desperately towards his mate._

_“I trusted you, Optimus.” Ratchet said coldly, his voice bitter and furious as he turned his helm away and Optimus tried to understand what his mate was saying!_

_“I, I don’t understand! What did I do!?” He cried when suddenly he felt servos wrap around his chest and pull him back into a tight embrace. **Wh-what?**_

_“Loooove.” A deep and very familiar growl filled his audial and Optimus gasped as Megatron’s helm came over his shoulder._

_“M-Megatron? What…” His words froze as he spied the other mech’s arm as it clung to him, it too dripped with energon just as his did._

_“One in the same, aren’t we Optimus?” Megatron asked, his voice wrought with pain and sorrow._

_“Arrrgh GODS!” Optimus screamed trying to pull himself away from the larger mech. “P-Please Megatron! Let go!” He begged as he looked up and found Ratchet watching them, the medic’s optics dark and broken looking._

_“You never stopped loving him, did you Optimus?” Ratchet asked, tears falling from his optics._

_“No WAIT!” Optimus bellowed, just to vent raggedly as he felt something slide his valve panel aside and a great girth entered him. “UNNNNNN!” He moaned, his helm falling back as he was filled._

_“I love you, Orion.” Megatron whispered, his voice so sweet, so kind but so WRONG!_

_“I AM NOT ORION!” Optimus yelled, ripping at the mech’s arms, desperate to make it to Ratchet but his mate merely turned on him as Megatron began to thrust into him. “Uhhh, uhhh, RATCHET! NOOOO! I love RATCHET! PLEASE!?”_

_Megatron panted in his audial as Ratchet walked further and further away and Optimus felt himself breaking! “Arrrgh! WHAT ABOUT OUR FAMILY!?” He sobbed, hating how comfortable the warlord’s arms felt around him yet watching Ratchet go tore him apart!_

_“I AM NOT ORIOON!” He screamed once more, trying desperately to free himself when the entire landscape suddenly began to fill with blood!_

_“OHHHH GODS!” Optimus gasped in horror, dead frames falling from above and he looked up to find a red sky. “What is this nightmare!?”_

_“This is you.”_

_Optimus vented out, his wild optics scanning across the sea of death and energon to find that wretched blue therapist standing happily amongst it all. His frame shone brightly, none of the energon touching his perfection yet his smile…_

_His smile was a wicked pointed thing and his optics were black._

_“No, no this ISN’T ME! I don’t want this! I want my FAMILY! I WANT PEACE!” He roared once more finally feeling Megatron’s arms release him and he fell forwards into the sea of blood only to stop his descent when he landed on something._

_“Ohhh gods…” He muttered, his helm lifting as he realized what he had fallen on was the mech from last night._

_“You did this.” Was all the mech said before he lifted the servo to his helm and fired._

_“ARRRRRRRRRRGH!” Optimus screeched as energon and smoking pieces of the mech’s helm blew up around him, his frame pelted with the mech as he tried to scramble away and just felt Megatron push him back down, his helm mere inches from what was left of the dead bomber._

_As the silver mech entered him once more the therapist chuckled in the background. “At least we are making progress, Optimus. I am proud of you. Now we can really see just what a twisted spark you are.”_

_Tears filled Optimus’s optics and he tried to shutter them, tried to shut out the bloody helm, tried to ESCAPE THE SCREAMS!_

_“AHHHHHHHHHHHHH…. GODS NOOOOOOO! NOOOO! PLEASE!?”_

**_……………………_ **

“ARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!”

The world he awoke to was a haze of white light, his spark thundering wildly, and there was too much noise as he ripped himself out of berth.

Optimus stumbled knocking into something he couldn’t see just adding to the screams in his helm and he bellowed madly as he tried to silence it all!

Someone cried out beside him fearfully and he tried to spin to protect them, his servo transforming to his rifle when another sound came from behind him and he spun around with a scream ready to attack anything that…

“OPTIMUS STOP!”

A voice… A familiar voice…

Ratchet.

The Prime blinked, his optics cycling down to see through the blinding light when he found a white and orange blur in front of him. “R-Ratch…” He never got to finish as his legs collapsed from under him and he fell to the ground, yet just as his helm was about to slam against the ground servos caught him and he ended up in a jumbled pile in his mate’s lap.

“Ohhh, ohhh Optimus! Love! You are alright, everything is alright!” Ratchet’s voice came to him through the haze of panic and pain and Optimus clung to his love’s legs desperately.

**_He, he didn’t leave me! He is right here! Just a dream… All of it just, just a dream…_ **

Ratchet held just as tightly to Optimus, his servos running down the younger mech’s back plates as he whispered soothing words. “It is alright, you are safe… Everything is fine, love. I am here.”

Magnus, luckily for him in Ratchet’s opinion, remained silent as the Prime recovered from his nightmare, shooing the two guards out so that the couple could have a moment of peace… Course _he_ didn’t leave, not even as the medic cast hateful glares at him between soothing his mate.

Optimus trembled in Ratchet’s arms, his spark still pounding and those terrible images flickering through his helm. **_It was a dream, just a dream… Gods, what… What is WRONG with ME!?_**

“Optimus, hey… Can you look at me love?” Ratchet asked softly and Optimus hadn’t even realized he had shut his optics.

He slowly opened them again, tears spilling from them as he lifted himself up so that his helm was right in front of his mate’s and immediately felt awful. Ratchet looked exhausted, terribly stressed, and so very worried…

 ** _Will I ever be done in further complicating this poor mech’s life._** Optimus thought sadly and forced himself to recover, for his mate’s sake if anything. **_Bury it, bury it and be the Prime… I must be better than this, I can do this._**

Ratchet frowned as he saw that very familiar and infuriating transformation come over Optimus, the pain in his optics was pushed back, his dermas setting in their usual stoic straight line, and all emotion drained from his expression…

The Prime of Cybertron was now looking out of his mate’s optics, him and him alone.

Ratchet clenched his denta, his servos fisting yet he remained silent as Optimus wiped his tears and scanned over him so informally. “I am glad to see you are doing alright, Ratchet.” Optimus said, his voice cold and stern before he grunted and began to pick his battered frame off the ground but Ratchet, Ratchet just remained kneeling.

**_Optimus please… Please don’t pull away from me as well. If you don’t confide in me then who, who will you have?_ **

Optimus turned, his fractured mind and spark still echoing with the terrors he had seen but, but it was fine, everything was fine and he had work to do.

He peered down at Ratchet for a moment, his spark aching for how sullen his mate looked but he couldn’t look deeper, not right now, not when he felt he was just a moment from shattering. **_I am sorry Ratchet, I am… I just, I can’t break yet… I need to keep you and our sparklings safe._**

“Are you well Optimus Prime?”

Optimus vented in deeply before facing Magnus and he nodded easily, swiftly just as Prime would. “Yes, forgive my outburst, my dream-cycles have been rather chaotic as of late.” He said evenly before stumbling to his berth and sitting down heavily. He felt like slag, his wounds from last night having healed to a point but, but he supposed it wasn’t just the physical pain he was contending with now…

Magnus nodded in response and Ratchet couldn’t help but notice how similar Optimus was to Magnus when he fell to Prime mode and it burned at his aching spark.

Ratchet eventually stood, helping the poor intern fix up the room as Magnus stepped in front of Optimus and saluted.

“Prime I am in need of your story of what occurred last night, as well as more information to how the subject was killed.”

Optimus swallowed hard but his faceplates never wavered, “Very well Magnus. I am rea…”

“Oh no you don’t!” Ratchet hissed unable to stay silent a moment longer and he slammed the tray he had been holding onto one of the surrounding counters before stomping in between the two titans. “You will fuel first! _He_ can wait.”

Optimus blinked at his mate in surprise. “Ratchet, fueling can wait.” He insited to the raging mech, uncertain why Ratchet was so upset and he hoped it wasn’t because of him. “I would like to get this over and done with honestly, then perhaps you and I can go searching for a new home.” Optimus added with a smile.

Ratchet now blinked at him in surprise, his spark jumping at the hope that Optimus would fight against Magnus’s enforced lodgings and he glanced smugly up at the other blue mech yet Ultra Magnus’s expression never changed.

“Prime, new quarters have already been found and prepared for you. In fact most of your belongings should be delivered by now and…”

“WHAT!?”

“What?”

Both Optimus and Ratchet exclaimed at the same time, each gaping at the mech Ratchet’s reaction far louder and more hysterical than Optimus’s.

Magnus glared at the medic before turning back to Optimus. “It is for your safety and that of your family Prime. The Senate…”

“I already told you to FUCK OFF!” Ratchet snarled as he too turned to Optimus, his optics wide and blazing with hope. “Optimus, you aren’t going to go along with this are you? We can find our own home! We, we deserve to find our own home!”

Optimus opened his intake, his optics going from Magnus to Ratchet. “I…” He started, his spark fluttering with his mate’s distress. He knew Ratchet was furious but, but having a home already picked out for them, one that could help keep his family safe…

 ** _Safe from mechs that want to hurt me._** He thought grimly, recalling the mech’s warning from last night. **_He said there would be more attacks… I, I cannot let Ratchet and my children suffer for the pain I have wrought._**

He lowered his helm, his processor reeling with doubts, shame, anger, worry and in this storm something whispered to him, something that could perhaps fix everything and, and all it would cost is just one spark…

 ** _NO! No, I will not go back on my decision about Megatron!_** He screamed at himself, his tanks roiling sickly that he had even entertained the thought of perhaps sacrificing Megatron for his family. Yes, he wanted to protect Ratchet and his sparklings but to do so by betraying his word and adding more blood to his servos…

Flashes of his dream flickered before his optics and he had to clamp his throat tight for the ragged scream that threatened to escape him. **_Push it, push it all back…_**

“Ratchet I…” He started, his voice gruff and gravelly sounding. “I think it is a good idea to live where the Senate has designated for us.”

“WHAT!?” Ratchet cried, his spark falling to his tanks and faceplates going pale as he stared at his mate incredulously.

Optimus fought from flinching under the look of utter betrayal he saw in the older mech’s optics. “I… I am sorry Ratchet but after last night I… I need to keep you safe.” He muttered, his optics blazing desperately up at his love. “Please? I cannot bear the thought of losing you.”

Ratchet could hardly vent, his frame trembling with rage, fear, exhaustion, betrayal… He glared at Magnus then, the larger mech’s faceplates still and neutral but there was a glimmer of arrogant satisfaction in his optics and it just ignited the medic’s rage all the hotter.

He spun on Optimus, his optics narrowing as he glared at his mate. “Optimus I know what happened last night was a mess, it was terrifying, troubling but, but are we really going to live the rest of our lives locked away like some precious things? What will happen to our freedom? What will happen to our privacy!? OUR CHOICE!?" He exclaimed and Optimus sighed wearily.

“Ratchet you and those sparklings _are_ precious to me.” He insisted, placing his servo on his mate’s arm and rubbing it affectionately to solidify his point.

Ratchet walked closer to his love, his servo covering Optimus’s as he pleaded with the mech. “And _you_ are to me but does that mean EVERYTHING we do now will need to be monitored!? We are going to have constant guards too! At home, when we are out and they, they just _decided_ that without…”

“Good.” Optimus said simply, nodding to Magnus in thanks. “Good I want you to be saf…”

“NOT AT THE COST OF MY FREEDOM!” Ratchet yelled, ripping his arm out from under Optimus’s servo as he growled and the weary Prime slumped in on himself.

“R-Ratchet… Love…” He started, his side’s pain making it hard to think but he stopped talking as Ratchet’s optics flashed at him, hatefully… Just like in his dream.

“Don’t you ‘ _love_ ’ me!” Ratchet hissed, his faceplates twisting as his rage grew. “I knew what it was going to take to contend with being the mate to a Prime but I will be DAMNED if our sparklings don’t get a monochrome of peace their whole lives! I am not about to give up my freedom for the shackles of safety! AND THEY WILL BE SHACKLES!”

Optimus growled, his own frustration growing. Why didn’t Ratchet see that this was for the best!? He wasn’t trying to lock them in but he sure as PIT wanted them safe! “Ratchet, I am doing this for us, for our safety and theirs.” He grated out his optics narrowing just like his mates. “I would much rather have guards than lose you to an attack. It is done.”

Ratchet’s vents froze in his chassis, his optics bulging at Optimus’s words. “It, it is _done? DONE!?_ Just like that, just like that YOU have decided what is best for _our_ family!? Does my voice not matter!? These are my sparklings TOO DAMNIT!”

Optimus rumbled loudly. “Ratchet I am done talking about this! This is for your safety and OUR children’s!” He growled, his denta grinding yet his spark… His spark was thundering.

There would be more attacks, he would have known that without being told so, so why the FRAG wasn’t Ratchet on board with keeping them SAFE!?

The orange and white medic snarled, his shoulders stiff and faceplates set in a dark scowl. “I will not allow our sparklings to live in a cage Optimus, do not ask this of me because… Because that is something I, I cannot abide.” He said quietly, his voice low but deadly serious and Optimus could only blink at his mate in complete and utter shock.

“But you will easily allow some attacker to get to them!?” He asked viciously, his pain all but forgotten as he stood and glared down at his mate. “Let them be out there and leave them exposed just so you don’t feel trapped!?”

“THEY ARE NOT SOME PETS OPTIMUS! They are our CHILDREN!” Ratchet spat back, his entire frame shaking now and he pointed his digit in his love’s faceplates furiously. “You cannot and WILL not keep them in a cage their entire lives! I will not allow them to suffocate because there is a _chance_ of them being hurt! Pain is life Optimus! They will learn to deal with it just as we did, AND in our OWN HOME!”

“We are living in the quarters set by the Senate Ratchet, that is the end of it.” Optimus answered evenly, his lips pressed into a tight line and shoulders squared in that wretched Primely kind of way and it ate at Ratchet’s spark.

It, it was like Optimus wasn’t even in front of him just… Just some sort of tool, one that was so unlike his vulnerable, thoughtful, and kind mate…

“No. We. Aren’t.” Ratchet said just as sternly, his arms crossing as he glared at the larger mech.

“Arrrgh, Ratchet…” Optimus growled but the medic interrupted him.

“No Optimus. I am not backing down. I will let my sparklings live, live a full life not one sheltered and hidden away…”

“THEY ARE MY CHILDREN TOOOOO!” Optimus finally screamed, his frame stepping forwards and towering over his mate as his optics blazed. “You WILL LISTEN, they will be PROTECTED, and THAT IS THE END OF IT! DO YOU _UNDERSTAND_ ME!?”

All of the mech’s in the room backed away from the seething Prime, Ratchet stepping back as tears filled his optics, the intern nearly fainting in the corner, and even Magnus hummed worriedly as he moved away from his Prime.

Ratchet swallowed hard, his spark pounding and yet breaking at the same time. **_Optimus… Look at what you are becoming._**

“I understand.” The medic said quietly, blinking away his tears as he turned from his love and began walking away.

Optimus blinked, his rage gone in an instant as Ratchet turned from him and panic took its place. **_Oh gods, what have I done!?_**

He reached out to the smaller mech, his vents strangled and throat tight. “Ratchet, wait…”

“ _Don’t touch me._ ” The older mech hissed as he pulled out of reach, his optics again burning, especially when that stoic look completely crumbled on Optimus faceplates and he just looked so lost and broken. In many ways Ratchet wanted to say more to his mate, talk with him one on one but, like all things now, someone else was right there watching everything they did and, and he was tired of being watched.

“I am going out.” He muttered somberly, again going for the door and this time, Optimus didn’t stop him, but _fucking_ Magnus did.

“Prowl is waiting for you by the front desk, Ratchet.” The larger mech said evenly and Ratchet couldn’t even find the energy to growl at him but he was confused why _Prowl_ was waiting for him.

“Prowl?” He asked weakly, his voice cracking from yelling so much.

Magnus nodded. “Jazz is still recovering so it will fall to Prowl to…”

“Spark-sit me, yeah… Got it.” He grumbled and threw the door open without another word and without looking back.

Optimus stared at the silver door, his energy sapping with every inch he saw less of his love until, it finally closed. **_Ratchet I… F-Forgive…_**

“Are you ready now Prime?” Magnus asked suddenly and Optimus closed his optics as his emotions and programs whirled wildly inside him

“Y-Yes Ultra Magnus.” He said finally, his apathy and control rising to the forefront as his chaos, his pain was pushed backwards and he stumbled over to the berth before sitting upon it heavily.

“Excellent Sir, now let us being with your account of what happened last night and then I believe your therapist has made himself available to see you here.”

 ** _Chains, chains everywhere… Ratchet is right but… But I would rather suffer them than lose him and my children._** He thought as the ethereal chain tightened around his neck and spark so much so he could hardly vent.

“Understood.” He answered his voice clear, controlled and yet inside… Inside he was shattering.

…………………….

Prowl looked up from his data pad as Ratchet walked towards him, the white mech lifting an optical ridge curiously for the defeated look on the mech’s weary faceplates. **_Perhaps because of lack of recharge … I know the feeling._**

He smiled grimly once the medic grew closer but Ratchet merely grunted in response before walking past him and heading right towards the front door.

“Huh…” Prowl hummed thoughtfully as he opened his subspace and placed the data pad inside before starting after the other mech.

He didn’t get too close, figuring Ratchet was in a rough mood and the last thing he wanted was to be the one to set the mech off… Ratchet was infamous for his rants so he just followed silently as the medic left the medical building and then... He just stood there.

 ** _Interesting, he looks lost._** Prowl thought as he neared the mech, his optics narrowing as he scanned over Ratchet’s shaking form.

“Ratchet? Are you alright?” Prowl asked carefully and the medic scoffed, keeping his helm low as he shrugged.

“I don’t know where to go.” Ratchet answered, his voice hollow sounding and the white mech sighed as he nodded.

“Well, you could go see your new lodgings.” He suggested yet quickly regretted it as Ratchet’s entire form froze and the medic growled.

“Anywhere but _there_!” He snarled and Prowl placed his hands up defensively as Ratchet glared at him.

“Alright, uhhh… You could come to my quarters. Jazz is there now and I am certain he would rather have you looking at his wounds rather than me and my clumsy servos... As he calls them, bastard.”

That actually pulled a smile on the medic’s faceplates and both he and Prowl relaxed for it. “That sounds nice Prowl, thanks.”

Prowl nodded. “Of course, I am sure this is a rather trying time, nevermind your being sparked. Come, we can take the shuttle.”

Ratchet smiled, a bit wider as he followed the white mech, but his optics did rise to the hospital doors before he left.

 ** _Optimus… What is going to happen to us?_** He wondered silently before sighing and continuing on. He didn’t know what was going to happen from now on but, but he did know he was worried about it all, terrified even.

Everything seemed to be falling apart right when, when everything was supposed to be coming together and now, now even he and Optimus were falling apart with it all.

**_If we don’t trust one another, who can we trust Optimus? I, I am scared love. I am scared this world has it in for you and you… You just keep playing right into their wretched servos, my love… And there is nothing I can do to save you._ **

**_……………………………_ **

It was breems later when Magnus finally left Optimus’s side and by the time he left the Prime felt so much worse than he had last night. His frame burned from helm to pede, his spark was pulsing erratically and he wasn’t sure if it was from stress, sickness, or… Or his mate’s pain he was feeling.

He was fairly certain it wasn’t the latter as Ratchet had blocked him from his side of their bond and he couldn’t reach his mate other than normal radio messages but, but what could he even say to the mech?

_“Sorry I lost it on you, but I am not changing my mind.”_

No that wouldn’t work.

_“I am sorry but you are wrong and need to be protected.”_

Another fail.

_“CAN’T YOU JUST SHUT UP AND BE SAFE!?”_

Absolutely not.

Optimus sighed as he laid back on his berth, his arm rising to hang over his optics as he tried to ignore the hole in his spark where Ratchet should have been. He did feel bad for yelling at the older mech but he couldn’t understand why Ratchet was so against the HELP!

He just wanted to keep them safe, he wanted to do the RIGHT thing but every choice he made, everything he did seemed exactly the opposite of what was right!

Why was he failing SO MUCH!?

_Knock, knock!_

Optimus groaned as the door to his room was knocked upon… He knew that knock, he knew that knock and _loathed_ it.

“Enter.” He grated out, grunting as he pulled himself into a sitting position and fighting a glare as his therapist’s cheerful faceplates filled the crack in the door.

“Hello Optimus, may we come in?”

 ** _I just said yes…_** Optimus thought bitterly yet paused as he realized what the mech had actually said, _we_.

“We?” He inquired and the smaller mech nodded before stepping inside, a battered and bruised looking Hot Rod following after.

“Hot Rod!” Optimus exclaimed, his spark easing in its storm as he smiled at the other youth. “How are you feeling?”

The red mech smiled just as easily back yet there was a flare of pain to it. “Pffft, takes a lot more than that to take me down Pri… Uhhh, Optimus.” He said with a laugh and Optimus smiled warmly at the mech’s infectious joy, it was a welcomed change from the nightmarish day he had had thus far.

“I asked Hot Rod to join us today.” His annoying therapist interrupted the gentle moment with a smile. “Since you are injured and tired I figured we could do a lighter session merely going over what last night might have changed for you and consequently Hot Rod.”

Optimus looked at the mech quizzically, not sure what he meant but he was more than happy to not have a _normal_ session and, maybe with Hot Rod being here it wouldn’t be nearly as dismal as usual. “I agree with that, he is welcome to stay.”

The blue mech’s optics flashed oddly at that before he smiled and gestured to the chair next to Optimus’s berth for the mech to sit in. “Please, take a seat I can stand.”

Hot Rod looked like he was about to argue but Optimus cleared his vocalizer and also pointed to the chair. “If you are in nearly as much pain as I am, you should sit.” He insisted, the red mech smirking at him before nodding.

“Can’t protect you very well when I am sitting on my aft Pr… Arrgh, I mean Optimus.” Hot Rod complained with a wink and Optimus chuckled.

“I do not think you are capable of protecting much in your current state, Hot Rod.” He chided and the other mech gaped at him.

“Nonsense!” He huffed, going to wrap his arms around his chest only to wince as pain tore through his side and he smiled sheepishly up at the Prime as he laughed harder. “Alright, alright… Maybe I could use a _little_ rest.”

Optimus shook his helm, his spark lighter than it had been all day until his wretched therapist opened his intake again.

“Seems you two get along rather well.” The blue mech remarked nonchalantly as he typed on his datapad and Optimus found himself amazed he hadn’t noticed that terrible clicking before now.

**_Huh, I wonder if it is because of the noise of the hospital or the company?_ **

“Will be good to have a decent relationship between both of you considering how often you will be seeing each other now.” The doctor added with a smile but his words just reminded Optimus of his earlier fight with Ratchet and he felt his joy wither in an instant.

Hot Rod, poor mech, seemed to notice the shadow that fell over him and he lifted his servo and gently placed it on Optimus’s arm. “Ummm, I don’t, don’t have to be the one Optimus.”

Optimus blinked in surprise, his guilt growing as he shook his helm. “No, no forgive me Hot Rod it is not that.” He said reassuringly and he pat the other mech’s servo kindly before sighing. “It… It is just that so much is changing now and it will be hard on my family. That is all.”

Hot Rod smiled in relief at his words . “Ahh, yeah. I guess a lot is going to change after last night. Heard the city even wants to set a curfew.”

“WHAT!?” Optimus exclaimed, perhaps a little louder than he should have as Hot Rod jumped when he said it.

“Does that upset you Optimus?” His doctor asked and Optimus groaned inwardly as he calmed himself.

“Yes, it does.” He said calmly, rubbing at his faceplates. “It does bother me and, and I do not think we need to restrict the city because of one mech’s actions, that is how police states begin.”

The blue mech hummed thoughtfully as he typed. “But wouldn’t that be best for a city that has just been attacked?” He asked and Optimus vented out in frustration.

“The city was not attacked, I was.” He muttered darkly, his helm hanging as images of last night fleeted through his helm.

Talking to Magnus for breems about last night had been hard enough but it was nothing compared to the images that were burned into his processor, the screams, and the bomber’s words…

_“You are failing us, Prime.”_

“Optimus?”

The Prime shook his helm realizing he had missed something along the way and he peered at his therapist apologetically, well almost. “Forgive me, what?”

“I asked how your mate was fairing.” The blue mech said, his tone oddly suspicious and Optimus sighed internally at the question.

“He is dealing with this and, and all the changes as best he can.” He said evenly yet he was fairly certain he wasn’t fooling anyone considering how somber and rehearsed his words sounded.

The therapist nodded, typing and clicking away as Optimus sat there stoically, numbly through it all but… He wasn’t so numb, not really. In fact he felt like he was feeling EVERYTHING!

 _Everything_ , all at once.

The pain from those that had lost loved ones, the sorrow and betrayal his mate felt, the loss and confusion from the public, the fear…

 ** _Primus help me, Help me make sense of this all, help me remain strong, please?_** As the doctor began to ramble on his hope for some divine intervention dwindled quickly.

“So, on top of your guards, new lodgings there will be some other changes you need to be aware of, namely concerning your therapy.”

Optimus peered up at the smaller mech, his spark fluttering nervously. “Oh?”

“Yes, first there will be an increase in how often we meet, just for the next few days or so, to see how you are dealing with all of the new…”

“MORE!?” Optimus again exclaimed only this time he stood as he said it and nearly slammed into Hot Rod. “You are putting me through more of these!?”

The therapist glanced over his pad thoughtfully. “Why of course. You have just been attacked, your family uprooted to a new location, and you are under constant surveillance now… It is only logical that I monitor how those changes…”

“NO!” Optimus cried, his spark and processor whirling and he grit his denta furiously. “NO! No absolutely not!”

**_More!? They want to put me through more of these!? Are they MAD!? I, I can hardly handle the few I have! I can’t… No more! NO MORE!_ **

“Optimus, you seem to be panicking, do you need to sit down?” The wretched NAMELESS blue mech asked, his voice so kind, so soft and to Optimus it… It was all A LIE!

“I AM FINE!” He snapped yet he did feel a bit dizzy, maybe he _was_ venting too quickly?

Hot Rod stood as Optimus growled and suddenly began trudging to the door, the therapist quietly watching the whole scene play out.

“We are not finished Optimus, please sit down.” The blue mech said but there was no real emotion in his voice, no care at least not to Optimus.

The Prime pulled desperately at his spark, seeking the welcomed comfort of his mate only to find that hollow shadow… **_I… I have no one, I have… I need, I need air!_**

“Optimus Prime…”

“WE ARE DONE!” Optimus bellowed as he threw open the door to his room and stomped out into the hall, a rather nervous and stumbling Hot Rod following after his charge and the doctor smiled as he watched him go. **_He is crumbling wonderfully, I must let Sentinel know._**

**_…………_ **

Everything was a blur for Optimus, the colors, the bots around him, the noises were all muffled all he knew was he needed to escape, and escape NOW!

**_I, I can’t do it anymore, no more… I, I am losing it! Why, why am I losing it!?_ **

“Optimus! Slow down!”

He heard Hot Rod call to him from somewhere further back and he felt guilty in leaving the mech so suddenly but he needed to _vent_.

He was sure he looked estranged to those he passed in the hospital but he didn’t care, not enough to stop his frantic escape.

Everything felt tight, it felt like all optics were on _him_ , all sparks demanding HE know what to do, that HE be better than everyone ELSE! HE DIDN’T KNOW ANY BETTER THAN THEM!

His intake felt dry and glossa thick, he felt like he was drowning yet hyperventilating at the same time, his servos shook terribly and _everyone_ could see it.

**_I, I want to hide! I want to be left alone, I need a space, I need a space to be free of their accusing, frightened looks! Oh gods, Ratchet was right! Where, where can we hide after this? Where can we live? Do I want this for my sparklings?_ **

He finally made it to the crystal doors of the med center’s front entrance, his trembling arms reaching out as he desperately grabbed at the handles just to open them to a hoard of journalists…

**_No._ **

“Holy SCRAP! It is the Prime!”

 One reporter cried and just like that, it was bedlam.

Optimus tried to turned from the crowd, his panicked vents slowing him down just enough that he stumbled and that was all it took for them to overwhelm him.

“Prime, Prime could you tell us what happened last night!” One mech asked as he pushed in close to the Prime.

“Can you tell us who the bomber was?” Another asked and Optimus vented out as he turned from them as well.

“Do you believe this was in retaliation over the decision to spare Megatron?” A femme shoved a microphone in his faceplates and he nearly purged all over the device.

“How many have died Sir?”

 “Can you tell us how the victims are faring?”

 “Do you believe this is the start of another Decepticon revolution?”

“Will the Senate enact the city wide curfew?”

“Are you looking for other potential suspects?”

Optimus’s vision tunneled, his frame growing cold yet oddly hot... He couldn’t speak, couldn’t think, he needed to get away, he needed to run before he lost it in front of all these cameras. _**Too much, it's too much...**_

Flashes of light blinded him, his frame stumbling back as many of the police force tried to gain control over the crowd.

“Step back! Step back right now!” Many of them cried, shoving the citizens roughly away from the Prime.

“W-wait don’t, don’t hurt them…” Optimus gasped weakly, his helm positively spinning as more and more frames circled him, were shoved against him or were pulled away.

**_H-Help… Help me…_ **

“GET BACK DAMNIT!” One officer yelled, shoving one reporter so hard that he fell to his knees and Optimus almost snapped but a warm servo suddenly curled around his arm and pulled him roughly through the crowd before he could respond.

“Wh-what?” He grunted as he stumbled through the crowd, his savior, if it was that, continuing to drag him further and further from the rabble until he was finally free and apparently behind a line of officers where his legs gave out and with a moan he fell to his knees.

“Oh frag! I got ya!” A familiar voice called out to him and he felt shaking arms wrap around him as they helped him lower himself down to the steps of the hospital gently.

Optimus hung his helm, his spark thundering so loudly it drowned out all other noise. **_I, I need to calm down, I need to control myself. I need to vent, vent…_**

“Just vent Optimus, there… There you go.”

The Prime lifted his helm, his wet optics looking up to find a familiar faceplate above him but, but it wasn’t the mech he wished it would have been. “H-Hot Rod…” He whispered brokenly, his lower jaw trembling as he clung to the smaller mech.

“Hey you, just calm down alright? I got ya now. Those vultures won’t get through.” Hot Rod assured him and Optimus nodded numbly before leaning his helm into the crook of the other mech’s neck and hiding there.

“Th-Thank you…”

Flashes were still all around him, mechs and femmes taking numerous video files of the trembling Prime but Optimus just ignored them all as he clung to Hot Rod. **_Ratchet… Love, please… I, I am sorry, I was wrong. Where are you? I, I need you so badly, please… Please h-help me…_**

**_……………………_ **

“Ah’ didn’t say you were clumsy, Ah’ said you were inexperienced on a medical level that is all, lover.”

“And that does not infer clumsiness?” Prowl asked from across the room and the black mech sighed dramatically.

“NO! Ah’ mean, not specifically. It means all sorts of slag. Ignorant, untested, unrefined, oblivious in some cases…”

“That really isn’t helping your case Jazz.” Prowl groaned and Ratchet laughed.

The medic shook his helm as he bandaged Jazz’s leg, enjoying the bickering of the two mechs as it was quite amusing to listen to and it let him ignore his own serious fight he had had with Optimus earlier that day.

“Arrrgh, you are soooo sensitive lover!” Jazz complained playfully before peering down at Ratchet. “Isn’t he being a big ol’ sparkling about all this?” He asked and Ratchet barked out a laugh before waving his servos at the mech.

“I have learned to _never_ get in the middle of slag like this.” He stated, Prowl smiling smugly at his mate as Jazz glowered. “Though I will say medical procedures are always done better, like any job, when performed by a professional.”

“AHHHHH HAAAA! SEE!” Jazz cheered, clapping his servos before pointing at his mate. “Ah’ _told ya_!”

Prowl glared at him flatly. “Next time I will let you just bleed out.” He muttered before trudging out of the room and the black mech groaned.

“Ohhh, come OOOON! Don’t be like that…. Pfft, mates, can’t live with um, can’t live without um.” Jazz said with a laugh yet his optics narrowed as Ratchet suddenly froze in his work and he tilted his helm thoughtfully. “Ahhh, sooo… Lotta slag hitting you guys now huh?”

Ratchet grunted noncommittally as he began working again and Jazz hummed. “Yeah, new home, under constant watch… Gotta be rough. How is Optimus dealing with it all?”

Ratchet couldn’t have stopped the growl that suddenly bubbled up his throat if he had tried. “HIM!? _He_ is fine with forcing his family into a cage and locking them down to not have a moment of privacy EVER AGAIN!”

Jazz’s optics opened wide at the medic’s outburst. “Uhh, huh… I see. Sooo, things are going _well_?” He inquired and Ratchet scowled at him.

“Fuck you Jazz.” He muttered but there was no real heat in this voice, just somber resignation. He sighed as he finished his bindings, scanning over them closely before nodding and standing. “There, all set.”

Jazz smiled appreciatively as he reviewed the medic’s work. “Ahh, the work of a master, true professional.” He said jovially and Ratchet rolled his optics.

“Don’t be a smart aft.” He mumbled yet there was a smile on his faceplates as he cleaned up his medical supplies.

Jazz smirked at him. “Come on Ratchet, ya have known me for way too long to expect anything different at this point.” He said with a laugh, throwing his injured leg up on the table in the center of the room before clasping his servos together and peering more seriously at his friend. “But really, how you two holding up?”

Ratchet vented out wearily, his spark aching for his mate and optics burning. “We are doing as well as we can Jazz… I don’t know what else to say.”

Jazz lowered his helm and stared at his servos a moment longer before nodding. “Listen, Ah’ know this all seems insane mech but… But I think you are forgetting one important thing.”

Ratchet groaned as he sat heavily in one of the chairs in Jazz and Prowl’s central room. “Oh, and what might that be?” He asked gruffly, scrubbing at his optics to hide the tears that were threatening to fall.

“That you have friends.”

The medic paused, his servos opening and covering his faceplates as he vented. “I, I know we have friends.” He answered, his voice muffled under his servos and Jazz chuckled.

“Yeah you have an _idea_.” The darker mech agreed with a nod Ratchet couldn’t see. “But do you _know?_ ”

Confused Ratchet tore his servos from his faceplates and frowned at the other mech. “I, I don’t understand, is that different?”

Jazz shook his helm. “Yeah, it is. It is mech and… And I think that some slag might be brewing on the horizon, namely aimed at you and Optimus and… And I think that you will need to realize and _rely_ on those friends more than ever then.”

Ratchet blinked at the mech, his spark clenched so tightly he could hardly vent. “I…” He started, his voice weak and filled with static. “I think you might be r-right.”

“You guys ain’t alone Ratchet, not now, not ever.” Jazz said, his optics blazing with truth and promise. “We ain’t no fickle mob, mech. We are ya friends, true friends and, and Ah’ just want you to remember that.”

Ratchet nodded slowly, his optics burning terribly now and he stared at the floor brokenly. “Jazz… So much is going wrong. They, the Senate, they are going after Optimus.” He whispered, his voice growing harsher and louder as he spoke. “They are going after him and, and I think their goal is to break him.”

Jazz frowned, a far too serious visage on a mech normally so happy. “Yeah, me and Prowler been seeing something like that too recently plus, Starscream got a hold of me before the bomb, had me start digging.”

“What!?” Ratchet asked, genuinely surprised Starscream had not only _listened_ to his woes that night but was actually _acting_ upon them. **_I owe that mech more credit._**

“Yeah, he got me looking into certain members of the senate, especially the unknown ones, the ones with flawless pasts… Ah’ ain’t found nothing yet but, but Ah’ am looking. If there is some twisted slag happening Ah’ swear to you Ratchet, Ah’ will find it.” Jazz promised.

“That is if, if we aren’t too late.” Ratchet muttered brokenly and Jazz nodded somberly at the mech’s words.

“Time is a bitch.” He agreed. “But we got more than just me on this. Like Ah' said, ya got frien…” Whatever he was going to say was suddenly interrupted as Prowl strode determinedly from their berth room and headed right for the holovid. “Oy lover, what the frag you on about?” Jazz asked, his spark thumping for the worry he felt coming from his mate.

“It’s Optimus.” Prowl said quickly, turning the screen on and flipping through until he got to the right channel, both Jazz and Ratchet staring at the screen nervously.

**_O-Optimus!? What has happened now!? He was supposed to be stuck in his room! He had guards, he wasn’t supposed to be able to leave, he…_ **

“A dramatic turn of events at the Iacon’s medical center occurred earlier today.” A femme’s frame suddenly illuminated the screen, her faceplates grim. “The event unexpected as a briefing was held at the hospital’s front entry when none other but _the_ Prime burst from the hospital and, and what happened afterwards has led many Cybertronians to question the wellbeing of our Prime, we go to Revit for the story.”

Ratchet leaned forwards, his optics wide and spark burning. **_Optimus…_**

“Thank you Bolt Driver.” A mech said as his visage now filled the screen. “Yes, a drastic change in events _indeed_ as a seemingly confused and disoriented Prime stumbled out for the hospital you see behind me earlier today. The Prime seemed confused, lost, and most of all _fearful_.”

Ratchet grit his denta, his servos fisting at how easily these fraggers just, just _labeled_ his love like he was some broken object and not a mech. They sounded so surprised that Optimus might actually have emotions it sickened him.

_**Oh yes, how DARE he have a weak moment right after almost being bombed,  sick fraggers...** _

“Fearful, how do you mean?” The femme apparently known as Bolt Drive asked and the mech sighed dramatically and shook his helm.

“Well, I will let you take a look and you can decide for yourself.” The bot answered and suddenly the screen flickered, a new picture flickering through the static…

It was Optimus.

Ratchet leaned forwards even more, his optics filling with tears as he noticed how dilated his mate’s optics were, how pale his faceplates appeared, his ragged vents; to any medical professional it was clear symptoms of a panic…

“He was having a panic attack.” Prowl said quietly and Ratchet nodded numbly.

“Yes…” He whispered, a world of guilt falling over him as he stared at the screen, his fury growing as Optimus tried to escape the reporters, tried to leave but, but they _just kept pushing him!_

**_Optimus…_ **

“Fuckers didn’t let him vent for a second.” Jazz hissed angrily and, and he was right.

As the clip continued Ratchet’s spark broke over and over again as his love tried to leave, begged for the police to leave the reporters alone, not to hurt them just to be saved in the end by Hot Rod…

Not him.

The last picture was of Optimus curled around the red mech, his frame trembling and faceplates wet with tears… He was terrified.

“And who is this new mech here?” The femme reporter asked, her voice odd as if, as if she was indicating something secret and unsavory.

“That would be the Prime’s new guardian Hot Rod, appointed by the Senate in the aftermath of last night’s explosion.” Answered the mech.

“Does the Prime have any past with this mech, he certainly looks comfortable in the mech’s arms.” The femme reported and Ratchet felt his spark burn angrily.

“Actually, we do have some exclusive photographics of the Prime and this mech, taken just before the blast.” The mech answered and suddenly there was a new still on the screen, one of Optimus and Hot Rod standing in the crystal garden just south of the city, both of the red mech’s servos gripping tight to Optimus’s shoulders as they stood close…

To any whom didn’t know Optimus it, it could be a very telling photo but to those that knew him…

“Rather close I would say, and handsome.” The femme remarked snarkliy. “I wonder what his mate ummm, Wrench is it? I wonder what he would think?”

…

….

… **_Wrench?_**

“Ummm, Ratchet?”

The medic heard his designation, heard voices calling to him but he was focused on the screen before him, a screen that now had two spilt images on it. One of Optimus clinging to Hot Rod as he wept and the other of them smiling and embracing in the garden…

 ** _They are trying to tear us apart, this is all this is!_** He told himself, furious with the twisted antics of a board press and he stood, his frame stiff and shoulders straight before he spoke. “I need to get to my mate.”

Jazz and Prowl shared a look.

“Ratchet you, you know Optimus wouldn’t …” Jazz started but stopped once Ratchet turned on him with a growl.

“I KNOW!” He exclaimed, his spark pulsing rapidly under his chest plates. “I know that but… But the world doesn’t.” He said mournfully, pushing back the slivers of doubt that had no place in his mind or spark as he walked and yet…

**_NO! No this is Optimus! I, I left him there. I left him alone after a fight, that is all this is!_ **

Prowl nodded proudly at him as he joined him at the door. “You are correct, we must show the world the truth.”

“Exactly.” Ratchet spat, his rage burning at the edges of his spark but…

But…

What if, what if it were tru…

“He ain’t at the hospital.”

Both Ratchet and Prowl blinked in surprise as they tuned to Jazz, the black mech’s servos pressed against his audial as he nodded. “Uh huh, uh huh… Alright.” He said before lowering his servo and looking at the two mechs. “He is at your new home, with Hot Rod.”

A flare of fire burned Ratchet’s spark but only for an instant as relief overtook it. “Alright then, let’s go there.” He said and turned towards the door as Prowl followed.

**_I, I am sorry for leaving you Optimus, I am sorry for getting so upset… I, I trust you, I know you and you would never, never betray me like…_ **

Images of the paint streaks he once found on Optimus’s thighs suddenly filtered through his processor, the transfluids he found in his mate’s valve after he lost his memory and stayed with Megatron…

**_No, no this is different, this is EXCEPTIONALLY DIFFERENT!_ **

He repeated this statement, over and over again as they rode the tram to his new home and yet… Yet the fear never truly evaporated.

Was it because of his Carrier programming, because of how distant Optimus had become recently, because of their stress… Ratchet wasn’t sure but it did seem a _seed_ had been planted and somewhere on Cybertron a greedy, power hungry mech was happily reveling in their misery and their growing doubts…


	9. Whispered Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Been far too long! Here is a pause in the insanity, Ratchet and Optimus finding each other once more. Hope you enjoy!

When Ratchet and Prowl finally made it to where his and Optimus’s new residence was to be the medic growled as he stared at the huge shiny building.

“Holy frag, you would think an emperor lived here.” Ratchet muttered as he opened the glittering crystal doors and stepped into the lower hall of the building.

“Yes, well it is a government building, one that used to house all of the members of the Senate. The lower levels are still mostly used by the New Council as conference rooms and then the upper floors are filled with New Alliance officers and you and Prime shall have the top floor all to yourselves.”

“ _Great_ , we now live in a fortress.”  Ratchet grumbled as he walked by the many guards that were scattered around the entrance hall working his way to where signs indicated the lifts were. As he passed many of them he could hears whispered orders and radio calls as they all reported his arrival to whomever was continually keeping tags on them now.

Prowl nodded as he stepped up to the medic. “Yes, but it will keep you and your family safe Ratchet.”

The medic scoffed as he punched the call button hard. “Yeeeah, _lucky us_. All it takes is constant surveillance and a cage. Yippie.”

The white mech smiled at Ratchet’s sarcastic tone but said nothing as the elevator finally opened and they stepped inside. Ratchet hit the top floor button miserably, leaning against one of the walls as the doors closed and they began their journey upwards.

The two mechs remained silent on the oddly long trip both taking turns to stare at anything but one another until Ratchet sighed. “This whole thing is such a mess.” He lamented quietly, crossing his arms over his chest as he spoke. “I, I just want us to be happy damnit, happy and on our own… Yet, here we have the entire world watching our every move… It is suffocating.”

Prowl lifted his optics and peered closely at his old friend. “It will not always be like this Ratchet. Things are just new, Megatron’s trial was not so long ago, the New Council is just getting organized… It is all new, to all of us.”

The medic scoffed before waving his servo in frustration. “Yeah, that is what I have been telling myself this whole time Prowl but, but it just seems to be a way to normalize all of this in the end. If I say it will get better, if I say we are trying and everyone is struggling with all of this then, then it makes me feel a little better but then _something else_ happens. It is a fragging endless loop and, like always, Optimus is at the center of it all.”

Ratchet hung his helm low, his shoulders slumping as he stared at the floor dejectedly. “I am scared but not from any damn bomber. I am scared something is breaking inside Optimus and, and now he is even pulling away from me with all of this.”

Prowl titled his helm thoughtfully. “Is he the only one pulling away?” He asked softly and had to hide his smile as Ratchet’s helm snapped up and the older mech glared at him.

“Hey, I _tried_ to reason with him! _I_ was honest in how I felt about this damn trap and he told me basically to shut the frag up!” Ratchet growled angrily once more crossing his arms over his chest as his spark thundered under his chest plates.

“Ratchet, you have to remember that you both have gone through some slag recently.” Prowl insisted with a wave of his servos. “Not only have things been strained but you are both reeling with newly activated Creator programs. He is feeling very protective of you Ratchet and you were nearly killed last night. Many others were! He has his Sire programming to deal with plus the loss of life in a supposed time of peace while _he_ is the acting Prime… I do not envy his position, or yours, in loving him.”

Ratchet’s expression softened, his spark aching for the truth in the other mech’s words. “Yeah, I don’t envy us either.” He admitted begrudgingly as the elevator finally dinged and came to a stop. The ornate doors hissed open almost immediately after stopping and Ratchet had to vent a moment, two, _threee_ before nodding to himself and finally finding the will to walk out of them.

“Come, the entrance is right down here.” Prowl said as he walked passed the medic and down the long hall they had stepped out into.

Ratchet followed silently, his optics taking in the lavish designs on the walls of the golden colored hall when a thought struck him. “Holy frag, these are the quarters they tried to get Optimus to take in the early days of reconstruction isn’t it?” He asked in amazement and Prowl peered at him oddly before nodding.

“It is. I am surprised _you_ are surprised. Did you not tour the apartment with Optimus when it was first offered to you both?” The white mech wondered and Ratchet shook his helm.

“Nah, I think there was a building collapse or something in Lower Iacon that day but Optimus was able to see it.” Ratchet laughed bitterly as he recalled his mate coming back to their simple apartment afterwards and shrugging off this glittering palace of a home like it was nothing. “He had told me about it though,” Ratchet continued as he scowled at the chandeliers he walked under. “Said I would have hated it and it wasn’t worth a second look, he was right.”

Prowl chuckled. “Most mechs would die to live in a home such as this.”

The medic grumbled darkly as he shook his helm. “And _that_ is exactly what it took for us to move into the place, ironic no?”

Prowl frowned as he nodded. “Indeed... Irony, fate they are both such fickle things. Here we are.” He said as he finally came to a large silver door and began entering the code for entry one Ratchet realized he didn’t even know yet.

 ** _Pfft, more mechs know how to enter my home than even I do…_** He thought bitterly yet kept quiet as the door to his new home opened and he narrowed his optics as only darkness greeted them.

“I thought Jazz said he was here?” He asked Prowl and was surprised to see the white mech lower his stance and pull out a blaster.

“He was supposed to be.” Prowl answered quietly as he stepped in front of Ratchet. “My mate may be many things but wrong about intelligence information is not one of them. Stay behind me, Ratchet.”

Ratchet almost lost it on the mech for pushing him out of the way. It was as if the mech were treating him like he hadn’t spent the last _eon_ at war, side by side with the mech. Did his life somehow mean more now because he was out about his and Optimus’s relationship!?

The medic was fuming yet just as he opened his intake to complain the lights in the main room of the apartment turned on and a strangled voice yelled out.

“DON’T SHOOT!” Hot Rod cried, the red mech lifting his servos up and unfortunately pouring his cube of energon all down the front of his chassis as he did so.

Prowl and Ratchet shared a look before both relaxed and entered the room.

“Why were all of the lights off!?” Prowl demanded as he walked over to the shaking youth. “You should have been alerted to our presence the moment we entered the building! For a bot that is supposed to be guarding our Prime you certainly have started off sloppily!”

Hot Rod shrunk in on himself. “I, I _was_ alerted Prowl. I was just trying to get Optimus some fuel when the alarm went off and didn’t have a chance to come back in here and turn the lights on.” He explained sourly, his servos wiping at the energon that dripped from his plating. “I am sorry, it won’t happen again.”

Prowl glared at him only to stop as Ratchet’s servo fell to his shoulder. “Leave him alone Prowl, it is us that overreacted.”

The white mech grunted angrily yet stepped away from Hot Rod with a huff. “ _We_ did not overreact, Ratchet. _We_ acted just as anyone would considering you are both being targeted by…”

“He didn’t leave the lights on mech, that is all.” Ratchet said flatly as he scowled at Prowl. “It is fine, if anything I should, or _the city_ should thank him for not wasting electricity.” He mumbled, ignoring Prowl’s heated optics before turning back to Hot Rod.

The red mech smiled at him. “Thanks Ratchet.” He said quietly, leading Prowl to groan and roll his optics from where he now stood in the fueling station to their left.

“No worries kid but I should be the one thanking you.” Ratchet said gruffly forcing a smile on his faceplates as he held his servo out and clasped the younger mech’s arm. “I owe you my family’s life, thank you.”

Hot Rod blushed. “I was just close enough to do something Ratchet. Anyone would have done the same thing I did.” He said modestly and Ratchet sighed.

**_Shit, no wonder everybody loves this kid, he is just as modest as Optimus._ **

“Well, thank you anyways.” He said again, his smile a little more relaxed until he looked around them and grimaced at the luxurious quarters he found himself in.

The main room they were standing in was huge; its marbled floor glittering with specs of different colored crystals that were inlaid in the dark stone giving it an almost night sky look. Along the far wall sat two long couches, ornate and twisting corner tables on each side, and in front of them hung a massive holovid that was hanging from the ceiling with golden colored chains.

He turned his helm as he scoffed and found an equally large refueling area to his left. There was a long counter in the center of the room that had stools sitting under it. Another counter wrapped along the back wall of the kitchen, a sink, a washing unit, and a glowing energon cooler were spread out between the numerous sections of the shimmering surface ending in a tall mineral cupboard that was currently opened and filled to the brim with numerous packages of the powders and different colored cubes of energon additives.

 ** _Damn ,I have never seen so many different mixtures of mineral powder…_** He thought partly in awe, partly in disgust as he turned from the fueling center to where three doors stood on the right wall of the living room.

“Damn, think the place has enough doors?” He asked miserably and Hot Rod laughed.

“Well those three lead to guest rooms, all having their own wash rooms so there is plenty of room for whatever guard spends the night.” He said happily until he heard Ratchet growl angrily and he flinched a bit. “Uhhh, I mean… Um…” Hot Rod stuttered peeking at Prowl for some support yet the white mech merely smirked at him.

“It is fine Hot Rod.” Ratchet grated out through clenched denta. “I just didn’t realize we wouldn’t be free of our sitters even at night.”

The red mech rubbed the back of his neck. “Oh… Ummm, maybe we can set it up with Magnus where we don’t need to stay in the apartment with…”

“Don’t bother.” Ratchet interrupted with another heavy sigh. “That tool doesn’t listen to slag but his owners and I am sure Optimus is thrilled with the constant surveillance.” He added irritably but paused in his misery as Hot Rod’s expression darkened.

“Actually I don’t think he is happy about it either.” Hot Rod said grimly as his helm lifted and he looked towards the long dark hall that sat between the living room and kitchen. “He, he hasn’t come out of your room since we arrived. I tried to get some fuel in him but he just mumbled he was fine.”

Ratchet looked down the hall as well, his sarcasm turning into guilt as he nodded. “I, I will talk to him.” He said quietly before peering at his two guests… Guards?

“Uhh, I…” He started, uncertain what to do with the mechs. “Umm, who is staying tonight?” He asked and Prowl and Hot Rod peered at one another equally confused.

“Umm, I can?” Hot Rod offered with a small apologetic smile. “I wasn’t sure if you were going to be coming back tonight anyways and had planned on staying here already.”

Ratchet bit back the growl that threatened to escape his vocalizer. **_Arrrgh ,of course I would come home to my mate!_** He thought angrily yet, could he really blame the mech for his doubts? Frag, had Optimus not collapsed on the holovid would Ratchet be here right now or still fuming at Jazz and Prowl’s place?

His guilt soared as he realized he didn’t know the answer to that question.

“Alright kid.” Ratchet said wearily as he rubbed his chestplates. “Umm, make yourself at home I guess. I would offer you a tour but you know more about this place than I do.”

Hot Rod chuckled. “Uhh yeah, no worries Ratchet.” He said as he awkwardly rocked back and forth on his heels a minute and then clasped his servos together. “Alright I, I think I will retire to my room for now. Umm, goodnight guys.”

Ratchet nodded as the younger mech ran off to his room leaving only him and Prowl in the living room.

“You can head off Prowl.” Ratchet said after a moment, his servos scrubbing at his faceplates as he peered at the other mech.

Prowl nodded. “Very well Ratchet.” The white mech said with a glare towards Hot Rod’s room and Ratchet groaned.

“He is _fine_ Prowl. Kid has been through a lot too and I am certain he isn’t too happy with being stuck here either, especially not with my miserable aft.” Ratchet assured the mech with a smile and Prowl chuckled.

“It will be a venture for all of us I think.” Prowl said before bowing slightly and turning towards the door. “Recharge well Ratchet, try to enjoy the minute of peace.” He said as he opened the door and left leaving Ratchet standing awkwardly in the now silent main room.

“Moment of peace…” Ratchet whispered to himself as he peered at Hot Rod’s room and shook his helm. **_Just get over this guard scrap Ratchet, otherwise you will drive yourself crazy trying to fight what you can’t change._**  

He finally turned and began making his way down to his and Optimus’s room. The hall was surprisingly long he discovered, outlined with four doors that he opened curiously as he went. One led to a ridiculously large washroom with two sinks and reflecting glass, a long deep bath sat in one corner and a standing shower in the other.

 ** _Huh, be nice to frag in that bath._** He thought playfully until he remembered how they would have constant house guests now and his joy fizzled just as quickly as it started.

Another room was something of a study as it was lined with shelves on every wall and hard a massive desk at the end of it but it was hard to really tell considering it also held much of their old furniture inside of it as well as many crates that had come from their home. He inhaled the scent of home, his spark aching to be back at their little apartment.

 ** _I miss home…_** He thought mournfully as he closed the door and opened the next door and actually smiled.

 ** _This could be a perfect nursery._** He realized as he walked into the room, his optics wide as he ran them over the dimly lit space. The room, like everything else in this fraggin castle was huge, leaving plenty of space for two cribs once they needed them, and there were even some shelves towards the back where datapads and toys could be displayed…

**_Well, I suppose all of this isn’t too bad. At least our sparklings will have plenty of room to grow here… Here in this glittering prison, arrgh damnit. Why can’t I let myself be happy for one damn minute?_ **

He shook his helm before stepping out of the room and closing the door, berating himself for being so miserable and yet reminding himself just what would be sacrificed for all this grandeur.  As much as he hated _hating_ his new home he would be damned before he forgot just why they were here and what that would cost them in the long run…

 ** _What it is costing us now really._** He thought as he made his way to the last door in the hall and sighed. **_Ok, here we are… You can do this, just keep your helm, don’t act upset he needs you to be calm…_** He reminded himself before venting in deeply and opening the door.

“Optimus? You in here?” He called out as he scanned the dark room. Like when they entered the apartment, none of the lights were on, and he cycled his optics changing their sensitivity to a higher level as he scanned around for his mate.

A larger berth took up a quarter of the room to his right, some shelves were attached to the walls, there was a little sitting area with chairs in another corner but other than that the room seemed _empty_?

“Optimus? Where are you?” Ratchet asked again, his spark jumping as only silence answered him. “Arrgh, damnit where is the light swi…”

_“Lights activated.”_

Some odd voice suddenly rang out around him and he stumbled back as blinding light filled his vision.

“Arrrgh frag! Lights off!” He yelled, adjusting his optics as his servos scrubbed at them. **_Stupid automated piece of scrap._**

As darkness took over the room again a soft sliding noise came from his right and he looked up through his spot filled vision to find a silhouette coming from another doorway that stood on the western wall of the berth room.

“Ratchet?”

Ratchet felt his spark melt as Optimus’s voice filled his audials, the medic just now realizing how stressed he had felt in not hearing his mate for so long and he quickly covered the space between them and wrapped his arms around the larger mech tightly.

Optimus jerked a bit under his arms, almost flinching really, and Ratchet grit his denta at his mate’s uncomfortable response to his touch.

**_It is like he is shying away from me…_ **

“Optimus, I… I am sorry I wasn’t there for you today.” Ratchet said quietly, his voice muffled as he continued to hold tight to his love.

Optimus was still for a moment, nothing coming from the larger mech but the sound of inner machinery and ventilation filling the air before Ratchet finally felt his love slowly lift his arms and wrap them around his shoulders, pulling him in close, much to Ratchet’s relief.

“It is I who was not there for you Ratchet. Forgive me, love.” Optimus whispered, his deep voice vibrating the chassis Ratchet clung to but, but it was the _tone_ of his mate’s words that gave the medic pause.

**_Optimus, you sound so different. So lost…_ **

Ratchet hated how broken the larger mech’s voice sounded and as he tried to pull back and peer at his mate he was surprised when Optimus firmly held him in place and wouldn’t let him move.

“Don’t go?” Optimus whispered raggedly, his arms shaking as they clung to Ratchet.

“Optimus I, I am not going anywhere.” The shorter mech assured him. “I just wanted to look up at you. Kinda hard when my faceplates are plastered against your chassis.” Ratchet said with a small chuckle.

“Oh…” Optimus answered quietly as he loosened his arms and stepped back a bit. “I apologize.”

Ratchet frowned as he looked up at the younger mech. “Optimus…” He started as he scanned over his mate, his spark aching as he saw how dim Optimus’s optics were, their beautiful blue light hardly noticeable, even in such a dark room.

Optimus looked away a moment, his optics flickering oddly before he turned back to Ratchet with a small smile. “I am glad you are safe.”

Ratchet choked down the sarcastic remark that threatened to rip from his intake as he forced himself to smile back. “Yeah… You too.” He said instead before peeking around the larger mech. “Oh, there is a terrace?”

Optimus’s helm turned to peer over his shoulder and he nodded. “Yes, but it is covered in protective crystal so, so you cannot feel the wind.” He responded quietly and Ratchet snorted.

“Surprise, surprise.” He muttered before shaking his misery away and smiling up at Optimus once more. “Let’s sit down? Maybe turn the lights on so I can check your bandages?” He asked as he took the larger mech’s servo and began leading him to the berth.

Optimus silently followed him, allowing Ratchet to lower him onto the berth without complaint as his mate worked through his subspace for the medical kits he always had stored there.

For a while the couple was silent, one working steadily on changing bandages and checking wounds as the other stared off into nothingness, his optics dull and expression void of any emotion but apathy.

After far too long of just silence Ratchet cleared his vocalizer and smiled at his mate. “The… The apartment is nice.” He tried, hoping his smile was genuine and optics bright but his lie was a foolish endeavor as he knew Optimus understood him more than any mech and the Prime merely chuckled bitterly at his words.

“You hate it.” Optimus responded softly yet there was a small smile on his faceplates as he peered up at his mate and Ratchet couldn’t help but bark out a laugh.

“Alright, you got me!” Ratchet exclaimed, happy to see more light come into his mate’s optics as he continued to laugh. “But I do like the nursery…” The sudden hollow, horrified expression that came upon Optimus faceplates the moment he mentioned the room ceased any more of the medic’s words and he froze as he looked at his mate closer. “Optimus, what is wron…”

“ _Nothing_.” Optimus answered coldly, cutting Ratchet’s inquiry off before it finished and that just added to the smaller mech’s worry for the strange reaction.

**_I thought he would be happy I found a positive in having to live here, especially considering it is about our sparklings._ **

Optimus seemed to realize he had put Ratchet off and that terrified gleam in his optics changed as he smiled up at his mate. “I would just rather they, they stay in our room… For now.” The Prime stuttered out, his optics falling back to the floor before his sentence was even done.

Ratchet titled his helm curiously. He was fairly certain Optimus wasn’t telling him the whole truth about the strange and unexpected reaction but he decided to let the matter drop for the night, they had enough issues to deal with.

“That isn’t a bad idea.” Ratchet responded and the amount of relief he saw fill the larger mech’s faceplates just created more questions but instead he forced himself past the oddity. “Umm, we will need berths for them though. Perhaps we can go out tomorrow to…”

“I KNOW WHAT THEY NEED RATCHET!” Optimus suddenly shouted, bolting up from the berth as he glared at the smaller mech and Ratchet stared at his love in complete and utter confusion.

“I… I didn’t mean…” Ratchet began, uncertain why Optimus was acting so peculiarly, why did he have such an issue talking about the sparklings was he…

**_Is he having second thoughts of having them?_ **

That thought tore through Ratchet like a blaster wound, an option he would have been willing to consider in the beginning but now, now that their programming had begun, now that they had put so much time into thinking about having these two sparks in their life…

Would he be willing to give them up, even for Optimus?

Optimus vented out wearily as Ratchet stumbled away from him fearfully and he rubbed his faceplates as he berated his temper. “Forgive me Ratchet it… I… I had this, this dream cycle and it… It was awful.” Optimus’s voice was a ragged whisper by the end of his words and Ratchet had to shake himself out of his growing doubt to recall how his mate had awoken this morning.

**_He had had his rifle ready, ready to kill anyone… Just what got him to that point, I wonder?_ **

Ratchet vented in deeply, stilling his hammering spark as he gestured to the berth. “Well, I am willing to listen Optimus, but you don’t need to tell me.” He said as he lowered himself on the berth but instead of joining his side Optimus began pacing the floor in front of him.

“I… Ratchet this, this dream cycle it…” Optimus started, his optics suddenly flickering wildly and servos clenching and unclenching as he ran through his memory files and… And pondered whether or not he wanted to let Ratchet know just how twisted the dream had been.

**_Will he understand? Will he just think I am disgusting, wretched, a murder, a monster just the same as Mega… But Megatron wasn’t always a monster and he, he changed to… Wait, am I supporting Megatron? I… I mean I AM but not over Ratchet! Never over Ratchet! Primus, what is happening!? Why, why am I so afraid to confide in my own mate!?_ **

Ratchet sat quietly as Optimus’s pacing slowly became more and more agitated. He watched at the Prime started to shake his helm, his lips moving, quietly murmuring to himself as his optics flickered faster and faster…

**_Optimus, what is happening to you? Why are you so afraid? What am I missing in all of this?_ **

His mate continued to pace, his steps becoming less sure, his rambling growing in volume yet none of the words made sense yet… The _anger_ , the _fear_ he felt from Optimus’s field, even if it was pulled tight, hurt Ratchet the most.

He could feel that his love was afraid of him, afraid of talking to him and he, he didn’t know why!?

 ** _Well, that may not be true._** Ratchet admitted to himself, hanging his helm as he considered how he had acted this morning and he sighed dismally as images of Optimus panicking on the holovid filled his processor…

**_He needed me and I wasn’t there for him…_ **

All he could see was his mate shaking as those around him only stared and pointed in amazement, shock like… Like Optimus was some sort of a side show freak instead of a mech gravelly affected by the war, gravelly affected by the friends he had lost, and who was still expected to be _better_ than the REST at the end of it ALL!?

Ratchet stood, taking two steps before he interrupted Optimus’s broken path and, as before, wrapped his arms around the larger mech lovingly.

“I love you Optimus.” A simple, honest statement and the moment his arms were around the other mech, the moment his soft words met the great Prime’s audials Optimus crumbled.

“Ohhhhh…” Optimus moaned as his legs gave out and he and Ratchet fell to their knees in the center of the room, the medic’s arms never loosening as they went.

“I have you, love. I have you.” Ratchet cooed to the younger mech, his servo rubbing the back of Optimus’s helm as his mate fell apart in his arms and that was when the broken, stuttering truth came forth.

“Energon, so… So much energon.” Optimus croaked out as he gripped madly at his mate’s arms. “It, it started with two cribs… Sparklings, _our_ sparklings and then, then one filled with energon… A helm, a severed helm in one, filling it with energon… Blood everywhere and then… And then came _Megatron_.”

 ** _Megatron, always Megatron. Will this mech ever not haunt you love?_** Ratchet felt his spark ache at the mention of the imprisoned warlord but forced himself to keep his faceplates still and optics soft as Optimus continued his stammering rant.

“He… He told me, he told me we weren’t so different Ratchet! He… He told me as you, you left! You left me but… But as you did he…” Optimus sobbed, his frame shaking from helm to pede as he stared desperately up at his mate. “He t-t-took m-me… Like… Like in the r-recording, Ratchet.”

The medic nodded stiffly, this dream cycle sounding worse and worse by the moment. **_Energon in cribs? A severed helm… Megatron raping him? Primus…_**

“I tried to stop him!” Optimus continued, his optics looking far younger, far more vulnerable than perhaps even Ratchet had ever seen and he couldn’t help but see a bit of Orion there…

“He wouldn’t let go! He wouldn’t stop even as I screamed and you… You l-left me because I b-betrayed you!” Optimus lamented, his helm dropping guiltily and suddenly his voice became much quieter. “The therapist was there, there as frames fell from the sky, as blood poured from my plating… He told me, he told me I was advancing because at least I was acknowledging what I was n-now… He said that everything around me it… It represented who I was…”

Ratchet’s spark nearly shattered as Optimus lifted his helm, his cerulean optics flickering with terror, shame, guilt…

“R-Ratchet…” The Prime whispered raggedly in the dark. “Is that what I am, _who I am_? Am I that ch-chaos? Do I deserve what has h-happe…”

Ratchet growled, cutting Optimus off from anymore of his foolish fears as he gripped the younger mech’s helm gently in his servos and forced him to look directly into his optics.

“You are not _that_ Optimus! You do not deserve that chaos! No mech does! Not… Not even the worst of us.” Ratchet spat sternly yet the larger mech merely sighed and looked away.

“Not even Megatron?” Optimus asked, uncertain why he was concerned with what his mate thought of Megatron’s place in all of this, especially considering what he had just admitted but, did not every mech on Cybertron, every Autobot or Neutral think Megatron was the worst of the worst? **_But he isn’t…_**

Ratchet vented out, his spark again hammering for the mention of Megatron but… But even he knew Megatron wasn’t the worst Cybertron had to offer; out of Decepticons or Autobots alike.

**_There, at times, were far worse mechs on our side than any of the Deceptions. Proteus, Rat Bat, Decimus, Trepan… Though he was never ‘officially’ associated within the Autobot forces. We have all had our devils… In retrospect Megatron was just a result of their madness…_ **

**_I just wish he didn’t have such ties to Optimus._ **

“You know I do not agree with how the New Council chose to eliminate Megatron, especially after you chose to let him live.” Ratchet muttered angrily, but his ire was more pointed towards the new ‘Senate’ members than his mate, for more than one reason...

Far too many of them reminded of past failed leaders.

“I love you Ratchet. Only you.” Optimus swore, his servos clenching tightly around the medic’s as he stared deeply into his mate’s optics and Ratchet… All he could do was smile.

“I know, my love. I know.” Ratchet answered, his helm lowering until it was within a vent of the other mechs. “And I love only you, Optimus.”

The larger mech groaned, his wet faceplate tilting upwards until their dermas lightly touched. “I need you, I miss you… Please, please help me Ratchet. I… I fear I am falling apart.” Optimus admitted, his optics dimming with his plea for, was he not supposed to be infallible, was he not supposed to be the perfect Prime?

He didn’t feel perfect at all right now just… Lost.

Lost in the insanity, in the great _game_ of politics. A game he had never known how to play as he only led from his spark and others planned and plotted. Sometimes he felt so ignorant, so young.

“I am yours until the end Optimus.” Ratchet whispered back, his helm moving closer and he moaned as his lips pressed against his mate’s trembling ones and suddenly, everything seemed softer, kinder, more beautiful and he whimpered as his Prime, his mate, his best friend slid his arms under his frame and cradled him tightly against his chest.

“I love you, I love you so very much.” Optimus murmured as his shaking legs lifted them both off the ground and somehow moved them to the berth, laying Ratchet down as gently as one would a dying flower…

“O-Optimus… P-Please, please forgive my a-anger today.” Ratchet gasped as the larger mech began to kiss slowly down his neck, his wet glossa slipping out now and then and denta nibbling at all the right spots.

“You have a right to be angry, Ratchet.” Optimus’s muttered voice came from against his throat. “I never wanted this for us, for our sparklings… For anyone. It is my fault we are in such light… It is a curse I regret with all of my spark. Especially when it falls upon my family to bear it with me.”

The medic growled, turning his helm to look straight into his mate’s optics before he spoke. “Optimus, you are worth it, our family is worth it and I… I will fight for us all along the way.”

Optimus smiled, truly smiled at that promise. “I know you will Ratchet. As I need to be the hero of the world you… You are mine.”

“You are damn right.” Ratchet responded with a wink only to gasp a moment later as his love’s servos ran along his abdominal plating, each digit dipping, rubbing into the seams and massaging the sensitive cabling there and slowly, Ratchet felt himself becoming undone.

“P-Please… I… I don’t want us to grow apart. I l-love you too muuUUUHHH!” Ratchet jerked as that servo slowly slid between his thighs, roughly rubbing at the lubricant covered panel there.

“I will never let us grow apart, Ratchet just…” Optimus lifted his helm, his optics blazing with need and… And something else, something very akin to desperation. “Just don’t give up on me, please?” The Prime begged, his optics glimmering with coolant and Ratchet frowned in confusion at the pain he saw in his mate’s optics.

“Optimus… I will never give up on you.” The medic promised yet his confidence fled as a flash of terror filled Optimus’s field and his optics.

“Did you, did you almost give up when… When O-Orion came b-back?” Optimus asked quietly, timidly… He hated to ruin such a splendid moment with such a heavy question but… But since he had discovered what he had done with Megatron he, he had needed to know!

Ratchet told him he knew what happened when he returned but, but had he _guessed_ beforehand? Had his mate prepared himself for the loss of their love long before Optimus had the Matrix’s power returned to him?

He _needed_ to know... Even if he didn’t know why.

Ratchet swallowed any guilt he had with not telling Optimus about knowing about Orion and Megatron and smiled his best, most affectionate smile up at his mate.

“I will _never_ give up on you Optimus.” Ratchet promised, the answer heavy as he knew the weight, the pain it could hold yet… Yet the look of relief, of gratitude he received in response was completely worth the pain that statement might cause him in some far, _faaar_ away future and he pulled his love in for another kiss.

“No more talk of sadness now, handsome. Make love to me Optimus.” The medic pleaded, feverishly moaning as his valve panel slid aside and two thick digits wiggled their way into his wet, heated tunnel.

“When you are here, things are clearer Ratchet. Love…” Optimus groaned out, his frame heating and spark easing in the chaos that had held it for far too long as he lay above the mech he loved and cherished.

The two lost mechs made love then, each moving within the rays of moonlight, gasps filling the air clangs of metal on metal, promises of tomorrow whispered but… But at their core there was bedlam. There was an air of turmoil, of chaos that promised to pull them apart if…

If they could not find the strength within themselves to hold together and for some, some hidden in the shadows of the New Cybertron, that is exactly what they aimed to accomplish.


End file.
